"Ye Phone humse lele Thakur" !!

My husband works as a resident in the psychiatry department of a well known hospital in the city.
Psychiatric patients are those who have a certain mental illness or trouble being in tune with the realities of life. There are a myriad of mental illnesses and it's often disturbing to see fellow beings who look and appear quite capable being incapacitated by altered functioning of their minds.

Since I happen to be a doctor myself and my interest too lies in psychiatry, I take special interest in the kind of patients he gets to see. Their history, the problem, how they behave, how they act and react, the treatment and so on. I find each and every patient suffering from mental ailment extremely unique and special at the same time.
It feels like, beneath their disturbed mental faculty exists a hidden potential. They are peculiar and unusual.

About a month back, he came back from the hospital looking pretty worn out and upset as well. It can be quite draining to work with psychiatric patients but he is able to pull it off pretty well and does a decent job of not personalizing the behaviour and irrationality of his patients and bring them home.

So, I asked him, both out of curiosity and concern as to how his day was in the hospital today.

He faintly smiled and said, there is this extremely interesting case of Delusion that I am seeing since a week. He seems to be suffering from this strange delusion and I have not been able to help him, my husband added with a sigh.

Now, Let me first explain to you what exactly a Delusion is. Delusion in simple terms is actually a 'false, unshakable belief about someone or something'. It can be about anything. Like a person may have delusion that he is God or someone may have delusion that he is being followed by someone and will be killed soon, when in reality nothing like that is happening. Delusion is very often seen in many patients with mental disturbance and it might take a lot of effort to bring them to come to terms with reality.
Since they are false beliefs, they can be as strange as they can be quirky.

So, this patient named Gabbar Singh was suffering from a very weird delusional disorder.
He told my husband, Doctor saab, There is this person who comes to me every now and then and keeps telling me to dispose/sell off all the electronic gadgets I have or I see around me.
He tells me that I am sent here to save the environment by getting rid of all the E-waste around.

Doctor saab, I have collected as many as 10 phones, 50 laptops, another 30 kindles, so many old gadgets in my house but there is no one to buy them.

If I don't sell them soon, he will kill me.Please save me. Please keep this phone and every time I come to see you I will give you a phone as your consultation fee.

As my husband was narrating me the story of Gabbar Singh, I could understand the poor man's helplessness in-spite of his situation appearing rather funny.

Gabbar Singh used to come to the hospital daily and strike a coversation with whom so ever he met first. "Bhai phone khareed lo, Nokia 3310 sirf Hazaar rupay mein" (Brother, buy this phone, Nokia 3310, for Rs 1000 only)

Source :  here

At the Billing counter he would say, "Sir Ji, aaj iss Laptop ko lelo aur parcha dedo. Nahin? To Kindle? Acha Iphone 6 lelo na" (Sir, Barter this laptop for OPD slip for laptop, Kindle or even Iphone 6)

Everyone from the nurses to doctors, from ward boys to even the in-patients knew him well by now. Everyone had been lured by Gabbar Singh for trading his gadgets once or many times.

To my husband, he would narrate his problem, to which he patiently listened and then if he felt relieved, Gabbar would say "Doctor saab, aapko to mein laptop, tablet purane Nokia 1100 ke bhav mei de denga, lelo na" (Doctor, I would trade the laptop and tablet to you on the price of old Nokia 1100, please buy)

Gabbar Singh's problem seemed to be growing day by day, as was the amount of E-waste he had collected in his house as well as in his pockets but there seemed to be no solution or medicine for his problem.

A view of Gabbar Singh's house. Source here

Me and my husband both had become equally involved in his situation. It was a challenge for us and we were desperately looking for a way to crack this puzzling delusion.

One of those days, while I was reading an article on the net, this site caught my site.
'Cashify- sell used phones/laptops/gadgets in 60 seconds'.

'Cashify, Gabbar Singh' I shouted in excitement!

Gabbar Singh could finally get rid of his delusion. He could sell all his phones and other gadgets,  that too for solid, hard cash. He need not fear of being killed because he could not save the Earth from E-waste anymore.

Gabbar Singh needed not medicine or therapy or hospitalization, he just needed this app called Cashify.

As I gave this idea to my husband, he seemed skeptical at first but when the next day, he told Gabbar Singh about it all, the guy began running gaily in the hospital.

10 days Later:

Gabbar Singh came to the hospital again today. He had apparently earned half a crore rupees through cashify!

He looked healthy and sensible. After getting my husband, he told him "Doctor saab, Cashify ne to jaan bacha li meri". (Doctor, Cashify has saved my life)

Gabbar Singh is now actively engaged in disposing off E-waste and selling all he can on Cashify. He also urges others not to keep unused phones, gadgets in the house. Instead sell them on https://www.cashify.in and get instant cash.

you can watch him here too :

Patient Gabbar selling his old phone on cashify in 60 seconds

Include the coupon code CLEANCASH in your post and you will get an additional Rs.250 on the sale of your gadgets.

My husband came back home and guess what? He is taking me for an electronics shopping spree tomorrow but only after we have sold off the old ones at Cashify! 

Leonardo DiCaprio - the hunk of my dreams!

awesomeness personified!

I was wondering that I so proudly boast my love for Leonardo DiCaprio in every nook and corner of the real and virtual world, be it my blog's about me section (oh! you haven't cared to read it even once? what a shame! minimize this window, open my blog on the other one and READ IT I say and then return back to continue this post!)

back? So you read it! great, lets proceed. So whenever I actually describe myself, I have to blurt out Leo's name some where or the other. That makes me wonder, where should I put his name in my official resume? If you have any idea, be kind and let know pleaseee!

The not so latest 'your Facebook movie' trend ( I know, it flopped) saw my movie featuring Leo more than me. No! not the wall street type Leo. He was a cocaine and 'f'' king in that. In my movie however, he was my prince *blush*

I get more wishes and messages (now whats-apps) on his birthday than I ever got on mine. I mean that's obvious because early in the morning I message people that its my love's birthday (like they care) and some of them are kind enough to reply and some of them are just plain guilty because they had forgotten to wish me on my birthday!

And oh that reminds me that on the Oscar Night (morning in India), my phone buzzed incessantly with Whats apps informing me that Leo lost. Some of them were concerned enough to ask me 'are you fine?'. Oh come onnn! You thought that I am so blinded by louuveee that I expected a 'drug addict wolf' of the wall street to win against Mathew Mcconaughy?  (or whichever way you correctly spell his name :/ )
obviously not! And the jury of academy with their feet in their graves would have never let Leo get an Oscar for roles such as these! yes, they are the Alok Nath's of Hollywood;)
So I am a sensible lover you see *sheepish grin*

OK now enough of honesty. I had started writing this post with an intent to praise Leo to the skies or maybe as high as that 'lemon wala drug' took him in wall street or maybe straight to the heavens like he went after titanic, the quick and the dead and Romeo and Juliet!
So please don't bring in Oscars again and again. They are over for this year and Leo and I have moved on. end of discussion.

 *now tone change*

Leonardo DiCaprio is the greatest actor ever born. (what? this is my post and my blog, kindly bear with the lies and superlatives)
A heart throb, most amazing, astonishing, astounding, awesome, fabulous, miraculous, prodigious,stunning, stupendous, wonderful, unbelievable,extraordinary, phenomenal,sensational, spectacular,notable,outstanding, remarkable; impressive, smashing, mind-blowing + boggling + blinding (wait! does such a word even exist? I guess not but then love blinds every organ of the body so I will keep it) attractive, enchanting,enthralling actor ever!

What are you marveling at now, Leo's attributes or my vocabulary? whatever it be, both have been created by me :P

I have a million and more reasons why I completely and madly love Di Caprio. But PDA is so not my kinda thing! which is way I will just share 5 reasons (that may interest you too or if they don't, ACT interested at least on my blog) down here. So here we go

1. He played the character of Jack Dawson with such panache that absolutely no one could or would EVER be able to surpass! I mean, the love in his eyes, 'you jump,I jump' and the way he sacrifices his plank for that stupid, confused girl. You tell me, will you sacrifice your life if you were in place of him? And that too for Kate Winslet? Although she considers him the best actor of his generation but still?!

2. Apart from the acting talent and the skill of changing girl friends once in a week month year, he has been an active wildlife and nature conservationist.

3. I really love him for saying things like "I prefer ordinary girls - you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most of the girls I go out with are just good friends. Just because I go out to the cinema with a girl, it doesn't mean we are dating." keeps my hope so much alive! :D

4. The academy has been constantly disappointing him and his fans but still he puts up with a brave face and keeps coming up with such wonderful movies consistently and that too of the kinds which Academy would never approve of (remember I told you about the Alok Nath's? ). 
This clearly show, he is amazingly talented and not 'dying' or 'acting' for Oscars.

5. His voice- I am madly in love with his voice. It just keeps ringing and murmuring in my ears. 

And if you aren't convinced yet then I present to you a song written by a Dutch- girl band K3 called 'Leonardo DiCaprio I love you'. Read the translation here

There can't be a better tribute of love to this great actor. And the second best tribute? well you just read it :P 

uff ye shaadi ;(

In our country, as soon as a girl bids farewell to her teenage she inadvertently welcomes a huge trouble for herself. A problem that will change her life for the better, no bitter.OK! I am not very sure for what!

Yes, you prompted it correct in your mind ( so no prizes for guessing) - She has unwilling/unfortunately/unconsciously been transformed into a 'potential marriage material'.

From distant relatives to D-block wali Dadi (assuming you reside in say,Z-block) every one's prime concern seems to be your doli ka uthna or mandap ka sajna!

And its your own 'mother' who has been constructing the tallest dreams. Taller than Burj Khalifa in Dubai!

But the trouble arises when she starts realizing that her dreams so tall, are made of trump cards ready to not just be blown but put on fire by her very own 'aaj kal ke zamaane ki beti'.

She can apply nail polish with newton's accuracy at mechanics but breaking an egg gives her jitters.

Her mascara never dares to smudge off but her cupboard is a mess. The skirts shiver to touch her knees and cell-phone is her soul-mate. She has neither seen the face of the kitchen nor the morning sun!

But mom ain't any gullible creature so that's when she decides to grab her most tried and tested tool. NO! its not the chimta (tongs) or karchul( ladle) anymore. C'mon they are so passe ( I doubt if they even exist in kitchen now a days). Its the 'verbal bullets' humbly known as 'taane'.

"sasurral mein jaake mobile hi chalana"

"saas aag laga degi inn skirts ko"

'tumhari shakal dekh kar pati ka peit nahi bhar jaega"  

ye make-up thop lene se zindagi nahi kat ti"

 Now, excuse me for the lack of space (and what fun in repeating things which you yourself hear almost everyday ;) )

So what I wonder is how can our beloved mothers predict such a grievous future of ours?

And Since they have already forecasted it how do they expect us to become a perfect 'marriage material' after listening to such horrifying stories?

Had they narrated us the 'Cindrella and snow white' tales they did when we are kids we might as well have tried to co-operate in their scheme of plans. Don't they remember how eagerly we wanted to get married then?

But the situation seems more 'real' now. And I ought to be petrified!

So your Burj Dubai dreams need to be seriously tackled mom. Where is the matchbox I ask?! 

No 'contacts' pleaseee !!

Disclaimer : A mindless post. You might end up feeling exasperated. So read at your own risk ;)

The day I bought my very first pair of contact lenses on the occasion of my cousins marriage, I felt no less than a Cinderella who has just been dressed up for the grand party by the plump fairy (read ophthalmologist, who was equally plump) !

Having been wearing spectacles from the age of 11, contact lenses did come as a breeze of cool wind in the month of may.

Back home, I 'throned' the box with utmost care in the drawer and waited for the day as much as the bride herself.

Finally, on the day of marriage, I sat eyeing the mirror with my hands clean, nails cut ( like an obedient toddler on the first day as school) and opening my eyes wide began inserting the concave transparent thing.

 But contact lenses aren't that friendly and humble creatures you see.They are stubborn. Very stubborn. In fact calling then merely stubborn will be an understatement. They are unfriendly, irritating, extremely moody and green eyed like your cunning classmate at college.

Once, twice, thrice, I tried and toiled with all my will to make peace only to find myself failing each time, with my eyes watering even more profusely and Alas! like a loose cannon it fell down only to be gobbled up by the white marble floor.

An hour later, I was at the marriage ceremony looking almost a mess and of course with my dear spectacles accompanying me.

That was when I swore never to get into the Cinderella avatar again.

School ended and college began. And in spite of being in a medical college, it was rather astonishing to see absolutely no one wearing the glasses.

But peer pressure got the better of me and here I was again sitting and struggling with this moody irritating fellow ( After all promises and resolutions are meant to be broken).

Even today, we have after days of bitter fights and then spectacles come to my rescue. 

But with practice and patience, I have learned the art of keeping my chin up and tackle the transparent chap with all my tact.

That's what life is all about, after all. isn't it? 

5 - reasons why 'love is a WASTE of time' !!

WARNING : This post has been written as a part of 'feeling good being single' and 'Enlightening the imbecile V-day lovers' brigade. Kindly put down your rosy hued glasses before proceeding. Thank you.

1) Love is Blind - This is an old adage. Obviously,  you are not 'medically blind' and hence faking blindness would consume a lot of time. Imagine crossing the road with 'love blinded eyes' or performing your daily chores that way. Hard, isn't it?

2) Waste of money - It is a well known and accepted fact that nothing can burn bigger holes in the pocket than love. Now earning money requires patience, perseverance, perspiration and other P, Q,R ,S , Ts. Even A, B,Cs. but most importantly it requires 'Time'. whether you earn it the right way or left way err I mean wrong way. The need for time can't be denied. hence, waste of money = waste of time.

3) Love never dies - Usually things rot , iron rusts, seasons fade and we stomach certain painful feelings and morons in the hope that someday their absence would make the world a better place again.But, love is immortal according to popular beliefs. So once hitched, no 'bitches' or 'witches' can get you off it.
Did you say give it time? I'd say you are wasting your time.sigh.

4) Let the reason NOT be love - The love element relinquishes no movies/song/book. Most of them start with a jilt and end up in happily ever after scenario or at times vice versa.
Imagine, if all those lecherous/melancholic/soppy/fantasy scenes would be cropped or let me say 'expunged' (yeah, they deserve it!). A 3 hours movie would last for 3 min or maybe a few seconds?
And how about those 968 page book? of course, mills and boons will get extinct all together.
can you now calculate the time you are saving? good!

5) Ultimate troublemaker - complications, misunderstandings , maladjustments, jealousy, expectations come so handy with love. And since you are already blind, untangling the threads is quite a task. Decrypting those codes is deadly waste of time coz no matter how much you sharpen your troubleshooting skills, this maniac file cant be handled.

I hope it was convincing. Coz if this isn't I have another 10 reasons coming up on 'how love murders logic and wisdom' :P

A letter to my Physiology book!

Dear Physiology book,

Its exam time again and you of all people are in the most cheerful of spirits seeing me shower unadulterated attention on you. What care you of my 'necrotic' spirit? Unabashedly grinning and 'expanding' each day.

Now don't make that innocent face and blame anatomy for it, you are no less! An equal partner in crime, horrendously murdering my pink winter days with your glands and hormones. Were you so interested in copying (coz I know originality isn't your forte baby) who had stopped you from burrowing the lyrics of latest 'kolaveri di'? At least we poor student would have managed to pass in glee!

But no, you talkative fellow! Explaining every minute thing in such huge paras to give even Shakespeare a complex.

Had the poor fellow been alive, he would have definitely remarked on your actions like 'Bill Gates did on Steve job's'!

If anatomy is soporific, you are 'somnambolic' and those complicated diagrams send jitters to my nerves and muscles. I curiously wonder how can you boast of containing 'some 500 diagrams' when each of it depresses my heat beat to 60/min and BP to 90/70?

I can bet on my life that pathology got invented only after we students altered our 'own physiology' listening to your crap in exam time!

And your stubbornness, lord God! why do you bother if I let Vitamin. D cause Beri-Beri instead of Rickets? For God's sake its all 'unofficial' on paper work, don't mistake me as a qualified doctor yet!

I know you are a terribly frustrated, no -nonsense person like my own teachers but kindly don't take my mistakes to 'heart' and develop 'angina pectoris' on every single error of mine.

As the world would welcome the new year, I would sit in my room humming 'cardiovascular and central nervous' songs for you but let me tell you this wont last long. So better start packing your bags and accepting me as I accept you.

For this is an eye-for-eye thing, ruin my 'sensations and functions' and I will ruin yours!

And listen, don't forget to take Anatomy with you! 

yours un- 'hormone'-iously 

               ME :-(

The 'pimple prescription' !!!

Its pimples that bring me back to my blog today!

 I know, some of you might be praying that 'Oh God..zap that painful pustule off her face so that we don't have to bear the pain of reading her' while others (those who wish well) would send in a prayer to the heaven to get me rid of this red spot ASAP! either ways..its my benefit ;)

So coming back to the tale! Well, to be very frank I usually pay not much attention to such things as pimples. I am not blessed with a spotless, glowing skin but its normally fine with a pimple or two popping up (just at the time of some party or meet-up). We all know how it is :-/

A few weeks ago however there happened to be an usual and un-welcoming arrival of these pesky spots in dozens. I was a little horrified :O but after a day, that feeling subsided and the optimist and devil may care attitude in me rejuvenated!

Yet all of it is no good when 4 of your friends pester you every 5 minutes to consult a skin specialist just because its not fair that someone like me should have such an out pour of pimples ( I got no clue WHAT is that suppose to mean) :-s

Anyhow they finally convinced me to the clinic and I went on the same day to a famous skin institute in south Delhi area. After paying Rs.200 as consultation fee I sat in the waiting area for like 10minutes before being called in finally.

Me - hi doctor! *told her my problem*

Doc - hmmm...Ye hormonal problem hai you see (Like I or any other person today isn't aware of it)

she then continued - Here get these blood tests done - 1,2,3,4... from a GOOD lab

use this face wash

a tablet

another tablet

a day cream

another day cream (now, how am I suppose to apply 2 day creams on the SAME day? )

a night cream

a shampoo

Plus avoid butter,chocolates,tea,coffee,chips,cold drinks and the list went on!

she wrote her prescription like a shopping list or maybe she was competing with the number of pimples I had on my face. I looked at her utterly confused and swore to NOT return back after 10 days!

And it was only later that I realized the prescription would have costed me around 2000 bucks for 10 days with hardly any relief coz there happens to be 'no miracle cure for pimples' and every sane person knows it! Plus, its not JUST about the money but also that the creams and tabs prescribed work only to suppress the pimples and its only temporary.

After coming back home obviously the sad and useless demise of my 200 bucks was killing me from inside so I decided to use the 'desi totkas'. And as expected, they DID wonders and why wouldn't they? For the creams and gels boast to use extracts of the same 'natural herbs'.
Sounds logical? To me it does!!

Of 'BAI-S' and 'BYES' !!!

As I step into my house after a monotonous yet exhaustive day at college, my mother yells " you kids live in your own fantasy lands/nobody cares as to how the house is running/can't even pick up your own clothes/when I was of your age I took care of the whole house while my mother simply sat in a corner and instructed! Plus a special one specially thrown on me - what will you do in your sasural/get out of the illusion that your mom-in-law will cook for you!"

And the moment my ears vibrate to such a noise I instantly knows that 'our dear maid is on leave today'!!

In today's era when each one of us is so terribly bounded by time which ticks at a lightening speed, interdependency on 'helpers' comes natural. In fact they are our lifelines much the same way as Internet and cell phones. And going by the ever increasing demands our 'bai-s' happen to be one of the most dominating people of our society today. 

At times I seriously wonder if we medicos or engineers or bankers play a role as pivotal as these women clad in suits with a bun do?

And so our dear bai-s come up with their own set of demands and pay packages.

They need a holiday on a Sunday plus an additional off every two weeks never hurts HER (it does ruin my weekend though) when a shopping plan is murdered brutally as my mom drags me verbally to the kitchen!

Last week our bai turned up after a long 4 days holiday(it seems much longer to me for obvious reasons) and on being interrogated told that she had a marriage to attend tomorrow! Imagine being away from work 4 days prior to 'neighbour's marriage'..am sure you can't afford it even in your wildest dreams but she is our Bai. She definitely can!

To top it up the lady wanted a brand new sari, to which my mom agreed almost instantly (poor thing she got no choice) and I was red with rage. c'mon I wore an old sari even for my farewell, now isnt this pure bias?!

Not only this she comes every day to work with a fresh gajra in her bun teemed up with matching earrings and bags. Needless to say she has a cell phone too!

Coming to the resignation rules,our dear bai has none! I mean she can resign any day, any hour and at any instant. For reasons which vary from exceeding workload to bizarre ones of not being offered tea and snacks in the evening!

One of our neighbours maid quit the job because their little 4 year old kid spilled milk on her. I dearly sympathize with him going by the serious trauma that innocent soul would have faced from her mother after this lady left in cold blood.

Well ,enough of sulking now ( but believe me that sari thing really hurt). 

I am seriously planning to do some part time course in 'being-bai' because the future seems to be more secure and lavish with that degree now-a-days. And by the way, when I told my mom about this idea all she had to say was 'beta, today is a Sunday, go wash the utensils' !

P.S : Our maid owns a Nokia N-97! I am NOT exaggerating, I swear!  :P

A letter to my Anatomy book!

Dear Anatomy book,

How are you? Rather I should inquire how are you enjoying the excess attention being poured upon you now a days? Aglowing at your astute job..isn't it? Don't smile, this won't last long! Now, that you have been dusted off and opened , will you please explain me why on earth are you so complicated? They very sight of you is so tortuous and tiring?!

Can't those so-called accomplished writers use a more comprehensible language? something that is lucid and interesting. To give an example . We all know where stomach lies in our body, don't we? One could simply say that it lies in the left in the abdominal region but when you say that stomach lies 'obliquely in the upper and left part of abdomen, occupying epigastric, umbilical and left hypochondriac region' are you expecting me to consent with it? Your fondness to entangle terms to present definitions which undefine all my logics and makes my head sway!

The moment I sit down to study, I realize that the only quality possessed by you is your soporific effect. That's what works best on me at least! And those depressing diagrams, you should have consulted a better artist in my opinion, they look so ugly and shapeless, I wish I could have dissected my college cadaver to show you the REAL 'work of art'!

If I were on my own, I'd file a complain against you and your moronic writers for robbing and corrupting the Latin language. If gall bladder is known as it is, who on earth gifted you the right to mention sphincter of Gall bladder as 'choledochus' ? Damn! you are so confused every single time, in every single line ! alternating English with Latin and Latin with Roman as if it were your engagement rings!

Do you have even a grain of consideration for the poor students? We are struggling already with physiology and bio chem, our partners and their tantrums and you the unsympathetic selfish book pile up on the study table make our life's more miserable?

Remember one thing.. you and I are never meant to be together, I would rather commit myself to 'dawgs' than to you!

And please stop buttering my gullible teachers, they seem to speak and understand only the language that you speak! I need to pass and I wrote this letter for that very purpose, am ready to grin and bear it for a while but you need to adjust too.

And If you try to act smart I will humiliate you as bad as those examiners do us in the vivas. Guess, that's a warning good enough.

yours unfortunately and unwillingly

(with a bone in hand)

  ME:(