Navigating through our souls...

"Whatever you are physically...male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy--all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside". - Cassandra Clare

Life is strange. It bestows on us new challenges each day. It makes sure that we keep on our toes and the warriors in us never gets tired. 

In this whole process of accepting challenges and fighting with the outside world we sometimes tend to forget our insides. What lies within us. Our souls. 

We fail to understand that no matter the problems we face, the conflicts that go around us, the issues we are forced to tackle, our soul always takes part in our fights. And that is why it is utmost important to nourish and replenish it. 

Replenishing the soul is hard and easy at the same. 

All it requires is a way to navigate through it. A way to seep and extract what goes in and the desires it harbours. 

Our soul isn't timid or weak. It is not even shy. It is simply too modest and too patient. It would never shout or nudge you every now and then to listen or understand its needs. It simply waits. Hopeful, that you will eye through. 

To understand its demands. To accept the realities you have been running from. To accept your own needs. To find the things which make you grow and heal and love

"The soul is placed in the body like a rough diamond, and must be polished, or the luster of it will never appear". -Daniel Defoe

Simply put you need to wade through your inner self. Navigate, trying to ascertain where you are and where you want to be. 

Just like while driving, we navigate to find the direction of a place we want to go. We take the help of technology and also listen to what our impulses say. It is by this collaboration that we are able to find our way with ease.

In a similar way, navigating through our souls is important to locate things which would help us move on the desired path. 

Surprising it is that if you part ways or forget to replenish the soul, life seems to be lost somewhere. 

It really gets difficult to cope up with the hardships and problems. 

We may give it any name. Call it depression, fear, sadness, gloom. All of it are just synonymous to this phenomenon of unnourished soul. 

The moment you understand it and begin to seek solace within, things start to get better. The process of 'soul navigation' is the cure you need. It is all the therapy that is required to bring you back to an equilibrium. To set you back on a healthy and happy life.

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

Sense of an ending...

Tears rushed through her lonely eyes

remains of a lost faith

piercing depths of her soul

this eerie sense of an ending

Cracked lips unable to tremble

silent sobs synchronous with beats

flowing like red in her veins

this eerie sense of an ending

A mayhem of incessant voices

murmuring from nowhere to nowhere

wrapping her like a volcano

this eerie sense of an ending

Crawling stealthy breath after breath

conspiring with time and mind

numbing her from toe to head

this eerie sense of an ending

Tightly gripping every muscle

twisted cords of realization and remorse

shaking her reason of existence

this eerie sense of an ending

Attaching firmly beneath her skin

million cells of painful memories

shielding all hope and happiness

this eerie sense of an ending

 Enveloping even her shadow

like the calmness of a night

terminating life moment by moment

this eerie sense of an ending. 
 

Not just today.....

Its not today that you left me

a long time has passed

memories and memoirs have faded

in the ocean of life, big and vast.

Its not today that I cried

hiding myself in the dark

sobs and tears are a familiar part

and cuts that leave a mark.

Its not today that I pasted an empty smile

for the fake world to see

all they know is a happy girl

who cares what's going inside me.

Its not today that I tried to let go

all that life bestowed

in the form of sufferings and pain

and hurdles on the road.

Its not today that I accepted

what life presented to me

you and I were different people

and were never meant to be 'we'.

Its not today that I heard 'let go and move on'

from folks to whom it matters not

time can never be a healer

but a mere illusionary guard.

Birthdays and celebrations....

The only good part about birthdays according to me are the in numerous calls and greetings. Unfortunately, with facebook colonizing our lives and minds this part too seems to be lost. Now all we see are mere half hearted 'wishes on the wall'!

Birthdays never excite me. Never got the feeling that this was 'my day' or anything remotely special. Not because I am traumatized by the thought of growing old but for a simple reason that what exactly be considered special in a day which comes again and again in each one of our lives? 
OK, you might defend me by saying that it marks our arrival into this world, in the lives of people around who consider you special yet I have my own beliefs which drag me to the other side.

This year however it was slightly different. As soon as the clock stuck 12, there was this episode of calls and wishes which lasted till 1.30 a.m.
As I hit my bed, pretty tired and 'least' excited sleep was no where in sight. Usually its my habit whenever sleep eludes me on a night I either sit up with my diary and pen, scribbling and rambling or if am too tired I simply lie down and introspect on mysterious paths of life. I chose the latter on this day too. My mind was conspiring with my heart of how to feel special about growing up or rather 'the day'.

It was quarter to 4 now and suddenly a thought hit me. (yes, such are the occasions when this phrase exactly fits in coz sometimes certain thought literally 'hit you up' !)

 I realized that our birthday is the only day which is FIXED yet TRANSIENT in our lives. Fixed not because it comes each year (all dates do) but fixed for it will always be a benchmark of all that I learn and become. Like a ray, with a fixed beginning but no ending
.
 And transient for it makes me realize that age IS time. It comes and goes and never comes back again. We can never so accurately and fairly take account of time and age as can we do on this day- our birthday.

It may sound contradictory to some. It may also appear as bickering to some.
But for me I don't celebrate my growing up instead I celebrate the fixed and the transient moments embedded in this day.

What do you celebrate on/about your birthday? Do let me know! :)

A letter to you- Expectations!

Dear Expectations
The wall clock ticks to show it’s around 3a.m. I sit in my room with no signs of sleep. My favourite author’s book lies besides me. Untouched. I have important assignments to complete and deadlines to meet but right now my mind is a cacophony of thoughts. They have no end. They don’t seem to subside or straighten out.

You have left me alone and dizzy again. I am try to figure out why do you creep into relations? In between people who are leading an independent, happy life?
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
 How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you. 
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me. 
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.

In need of you, no more
ME

                                                                                                     

The ugly side of beauty....

When God created humans, he did his best to be fair. Sprinkling carefully and wisely equal proportions of attributes so that each one of us can feel 'exquisite and beautiful'.

Man however has been in a habit of complicating things. Simple and apparently easily comprehensible things tend to distract him and he takes a path of complications. And so he deviated from this simplified version of God's granted beauty and confined it to merely a 'visual delight'.

This crooked definition of beauty has slowly been transformed into a necessary evil and humans today struggle mindlessly to grab a 'portion' while carelessly overlooking what was originally granted to them.

From Botox to liposuction, fairness creams to laser treatments we have senselessly been try to possess something that has been already thrust upon us. And to top up the insensibility, we gullibles 'demand' and 'desire' the same artificial and altered beauty in others too. Dumping away the real radiance.

He aspires to be tall, she dreams to be thin, his ambition is to get that athletic built and being fair is her desire!

We are vainly running to pick out an ingredient knowing little that our recipe of beauty is not just faulty but tasteless and ugly.

Endless advertisements with almost perfect faces, endorsing products to transform you into something which the creator himself did not feel fit to grant you. Sounds bizarre. isn't it?

When the artist or a writer decided NOT to bestow a certain trait or colour in the protagonist or painting, how can we as a reader and an on-looker 'artificially' apply them later?

But the social milieu and its hollow expectations have clogged our reasoning and logic to sheer opacity.

I doubt if much can be done to revert back from this track we have been walking blindfolded yet with 'élan'.

Alas! The botox beauty has occupied our minds and only serious retrospection can drain it away.

It might appear pessimistic on my part to end this post on a negative note but even after a lot of reasoning I couldn't come up with solutions that can be helpful for this is not a community or country issue, it rests with generation gone, the present one and the ones that shall live after us.

If only the actual beauty of each individual can be unveiled. If only we try and search that radiance within and around us those things of beauty would truly be joyous forever!

What do you think?!

I play with love !!

 Hide and seek. Seek and hide. A game that me and love have been playing right from the time I met it.

Some people count in 'love' as a game in itself but for me it has always been a fellow player.

A tough, ardent and possessive player.

Like most games that start from fun, frolic and tend to get dirty and intense, the players too somehow shift from being friendly to malignant. What began as a healthy competition turns into a cut-throat revenge.

Ours too has its highs and lows.

I do accept that I have been mostly on the 'hiding' side, trying my best to find a cave or curtain solitary enough to let love not find me.

Atleast not so easily.

Atleast not so quickly.

But as I said, the game gets uglier and love deceives me with his ways to catch hold of me, clutching tightly.

After all, when everything is fair for love, rules don't make much of a difference to..do they?

I dutifully accept my defeat and begin my search of 'him', the fellow player.

He is smart and his ways are unpredictable I tell u.

He hides so deep and deeper within that I am unable to track down even the shadow of it.

Days and months pass. I am able to search him not.

Neither can I give up, for its a game of life now.

And then , after million tries I finally decided to let go, to accept my defeat. I surrender finally.

Sit and reflect on my stupidity.

Promising to never play with it again. Never ever.

And suddenly, it emerges again persuading me for a new game, a new battle, a new hope- that I might win this time. Just this first and final time.

I seek again. I lose again.

but I play again.....Cunning love. Chimeric me.

...the last gasp...

 

Endless steps

I climb

darker dungeons

breathlessness

the last gasp...

O where did I leave

my own self

amidst uncertain 

promises

the last gasp...

In the flowing river

I crawl helplessly

up and down

to reach no where

the last gasp...

Crumbled dreams

in a wounded box

rip it apart

let me escape

the last gasp...

Royal curtains

beaded and stoned

aren't pretty anymore

tear them apart

the last gasp...

Blood rushes

in and out

profuse and red

momentary respite

the last gasp...

Silence murdered

the soul inside

a gush of air

and it all ends

the last gasp....

My wonderland :)

My dear readers - From now on I will try and be more regular and loyal to blogging .Got to read many of you and write a lot of good stuff too, so stay connected! :D

And now, beginning on a 'love note'

You and I

miles apart

so close still

its a wonderland

our worlds so aloof

parallel paths

somehow merge in one

its a wonderland

our eyes never meet

yet the same moon

shines on us both

its a wonderland

no beary hugs

still the divine light

en-wraps us tight

its a wonderland

we live by faith

not by sight

bridging through insight

its a wonderland

not stolen kisses

but the sweet nothings

tie us till eternity

its a wonderland

I know not his touch

he is unaware of my gaze

but ubiquitous is love

its a wonderland

so far and far

each little moment

a blissful delight

its a wonderland

unrevealed is his scent

veiled is my beauty

so strongly tangible still

its a wonderland

neither flowers nor rings

the words are our gift

to make the heart ecstatic

its a wonderland

stars testify our bond

imaginary yet so real

not a fairy's world

its a GIRL'S wonderland !

Ice.

I have reached a state
when desires seem to melt away.

When the flame of reality is so powerful
all illusions seem to retreat.

When the sting of past pains is so strong
expectations seem to comatose.

Life is still - hushed by nothing, spirited by none

No passions to overrule, no desires to out rule.

The silence is so loud
neither clock ticks, nor the heart beats.

There is nothing to lose and I am winning nothing. 

For victory and defeat aren't game enough for such tranquility.

The wheel of time turns not, no breeze blows, waves seize to touch the shore.

Sorrows of past affect me not and future holds no promises for me.

No evil spirits or Angels guard me.
I have neither friends nor foes.

There are only mirrors, those endless reflecting surfaces
whose ray pave their way to one place - Me

But, this is not an end...not even a beginning...

then what exactly is it?

Timelessness 'in' time!

I suggest you to read THIS post first to get a better idea about 'Time and Timelessness' .

There are hundreds of things that I want to accomplish within time but blame it on time for its presence is never enough for me!

Why can't this entity called 'time' exist from forever to forever? No past, present or future to crumble in into pieces that make living not just a harder process but eventually those crumbled crushed bits spatter all over leaving us dazed and lost!

Now don't be surprised when I tell you that we all do possess a capacity to live in such a way. For timelessness is a deep rooting yet simple process that connects moments like a mosaic.

Our brain have been designed to fluctuate from one incident to the other and shift the concentration from whats most important then and there to the next. Something that we refer to as 'prioritizing' in a layman term.

But such prioritizing not only makes us too much dependent on the past, present and future of events but also gives breaks or rather snaps the harmony of concentration making us 'restless' and then eventually 'depressed' and 'stressed out' on the in completion the that 'task' in the priority list.

I don't endorse the fact that prioritizing is bad but all I want to explain is that try and concentrate on the 'broader' view instead of meager tasks that seem to have little importance in the long run. This can only come by visualizing time as a whole.

An Urdu couplet by Ghalib goes as 

"ishrate katra hai dariya mein fanaa ho jana

dard ka hadd se guzrna hai dawa ho jana"

Its only when the droplet of water get immersed in the sea, its pinnacle is achieved. Ironical though it may seem.

Similarly only when we can let time be converted to timelessness can we achieve that real crowning point in life and beyond.

And now a quote that I found impressive and inspiring :

"Just as we envision all of space

as being really out there,

as really existing, we should also envision all of time

as really being out there,

as really existing too" -  Brain Greene

Its a climb....

I know people change. Change so subtly that is takes days to believe the existence of something that was imperceptible before.

I know people turn their back.I have seen them hiding their faces like the evening sun which dips ever so slowly somewhere in the horizon and darkens all that's around, while you stand patiently for the dingy light to be thrust upon.

I know people back stab.I have felt them poking those incessant punches on me like the merciless winds in a vast, hot, sandy desert which away extracts all moisture and vitality and depresses one deep in the restless sand.

I know it because life blessed me with relations and thrust upon me the intricacies of dealing with people. People who promised to never change and relations which were as sturdy as huge mountains. But nothing can change the nature of change for it has to change!

And its no more surprising yet an irony as to how the most toughest of glasses shatter easily. Promises that define our being, are our strengths and hope dissolve as soon as we lean onto them perfectly.

I know it because I have leaned onto such promises completely and in a few moments there was a loud thud. so loud that it lost its audibility maybe. For nobody heard anything. But I know it because I felt the silence.

A missing part.

A dissolved promise. 

A dead relation.

Its at times surprising as to how relations build up. The sweetness tends to be dissolved in innumerable and never ending expectations. 

Expectations that climb a ladder of shattering hopes and broken promises.The trouble is we cant do much about it. Its spontaneous. No matter how tough you appear to be, you are bound to expect and be disappointed in return. I know it coz I have had my share of shattered hopes and expectations.

And not just for once but innumerable times.

I wont label my life as one of extraordinary pain or change but yes, I can proudly say that I have had my share till now. No wonder there is more to come. For the pages of destiny cant go blank.They have been filled with an ink that outlines my life. The fact is that I don't have a choice , neither does life have, we both are being played upon by something superior. For 

"he who makes my woes for me

will think about my woes

my brooding over them would be

a greater woe than those" :)

mystical dreams..... part -3

PART-1

PART-2

 "Its not just today

and never would a day come

when the world around

won't coerce me

that my existence is incomplete

without you besides me"

she whispered senselessly to her soul which appeared as insatiable as it had been years ago. 

yes! Many years had now passed but her relentless search only got deepened.

 Her friend had advised her to give it up and consult a psychiatrist however she knew well that no person by mere hallucinations or repressions could free her soul of it. 

A soul that was now completely drenched in that world of dreams. 

A soul that had now tasted the bitter sweet demeanour of forbidden magic.

she was totally possessed in it, of it and for it!! there was no way out except to wade in further.

This was NOT love, it had transformed into a limbo or maybe a state of trance which continued to get unquenchable each passing second.

she had left her job long back, her own house, family, belongings, whatever that belonged to her and to where she belonged was now simply a state...a state of nothingness and timelessness.

"the dawn is not distance, nor is the night starless;love is eternal".

she again murmured to herself trudging through by the glint of the night.

suddenly as if the whole words bedazzled or struck by lightening...she saw his face! 

It was really him standing on the other side of the road!

That same tall attractive gentleman dressed in a glossy black suit teamed with a navy blue tie..the same man who had stolen all her dreams to make them his own, that same man who dictated her entire being for years now!

She felt herself en captured by a divine spell in those long seconds, the world had widened much beyond horizons or was it shrinking onto hers?

There was pain , fright, desire, anger, impatience, irritation, excitement, pleasure all at once in her soul.

her quest had reached its brim and emotions ran like wild horses..'a few steps more and it will all be hers..this mystery would no longer haunt her soul' she thought.

He stood still at the opposite side staring at her even now.

1...2...3...she had galloped to the other side at an impulse!

crash!

xxxxx 

Her eyes open, where is she? At the middle of a road it seems!

She can feel something is wrong with her, her blood seems to ooze out slowly but there is no pain.

She lies there numb and dizzy but there was no desire to get away. Being completely aware of her fate and also the fate of the man beside her in deep slumber some distance away.

she looked at him..but alas! He is NOT there...she can now see him EVERYWHERE! all around, in all direction, at all ends!

she dare not close her eyes..is this an illusion? no it cant be!

Now he is beside her again, a faint smile lits her face as she finally closes her eyes. forever this time.

No more mirages.

No more mysteries.

Just the mystical kingdom of her dreams.

Illusions have accepted her soul in their world...realities could wait for another life now.

Hub( attraction) and Maut(Death) are but shades of an eternal journey called love!

xxx THE END xxx 

CREDITS: 

Ancient Arabic Literature says that there are Seven Shades of Love - 1. Hub (Attraction), 2. Uns (Infatuation), 3. Ishq (Love), 4.Aquidat (Reverence), 5. Ibadat (Worship), 6. Junoon (Obsession) and 7. Maut (Death) [ Read it as a friend's status on Facebook ]

Thanks to one of my sweetest friend in blog-o-sphere Sadiya Merchant for giving me the inspiration and much needed motivation to pen up something which was very close to my heart yet I had no idea how to put it up in words :-)

Its A Night....

It’s A night. No, not one of those lively good nights neither is it a gloomy one. It’s not an unusually darker one nor is it stormy. Its just one of those random nights..a comfortable mist of clouds, some stars and a moon. Nothing special nothing remarkable. Yet I am attracted towards it. There is something about the eerie silence that compels me to stay awake. To live it in its whole essence...to let the darkness dawn a little more…warding off the surrounding light, blossoming in full, with the moon and stars.
Its 2:14 AM precisely in my watch. Tranquility prevails. Maybe an occasional sound here and there and a periodic ticking of time but nonetheless it is serene.
The world lays in deep slumber with shadows guarding the moon and all that is hidden under it.
"Can it see me too”? I wonder. experiencing it...letting it seep within me...the darkness, the coolness, those gentle breeze that bring easterly winds of water? 
I hope it doesn't. Coz I m at peace. Hiding in its bosom and dwelling in my soul. I don't want to attract attention. I m me, in my own skin. Enjoying this night. Enjoying the things that are a part of everyday world. If I care about anything right now. Its those miscellaneous mysteries.unresolved.unperturbed.
The moon. It is silvery and the tints are beautiful. Shades unwind in it to show me the days bygone, some memories, people, places...all projecting in those silvery hues. All known to me yet i gaze in amazement.
Surprisingly stars don't attract me today somehow.
''Am I moonstruck"? A voice asks. "Of course not! Has there to be a reason for everything"? I protest to quieten it up. But somewhere I know, it knows too. That I am. I am here, sitting amidst it for my dreams. To know them. Those miscellaneous mysteries. To get them solved.Perturbed.
Now I desire the night to see, I seek its attention. I don't want to be embodied in it like everyone else. I want to grow and then outgrow those murky blankets of darkness, like the moon.
Finally I witness my dreams. Not all, not few. Just a glimpse but a vivid one. It’s not a fantasy neither serendipity. Its ecstasy. Pure divine ecstasy to me.
This night is mine. I am cuddling it up and ready to fly off in my delightful dreams!!

A wanderer's search....

He strolled through the woods

searching for a reason

a reason for existence

a reason for his creation

and that lay

between galaxies and ground

beneath skies and souls

burrowed in mountains and minds

tired he was of a moribund life

Work pressure and endless strife

and somewhere in his mind it reigned

higher has to be life's aim

and so walked on for aeons

till no thirst or crave perturbed

sullen and frayed

deciphering the cryptic colours and curves

mystified by marvels

he bowed in amazement

"speak to me O' universe

of your signs and ciphers"

with moon and stars as companions

and sun to elevate his patience

he deciphered the real existence

clearly differentiating mirage and reflection

the world is flat

huge and layered beneath

illusions are everywhere

except skin deep

In the wake of night

so much to see , hear and embrace

yet nothing is as it seems

the closest ones hidden underneath

and finally the universe did speak

when all concealed signs had unveiled

and fuming mist wiped out

on a night so dark and bleak

he stood in a state so euphoric

divinely composed yet a lunatic

embossing wisdom , engraved passion

he had reached his destination

It took no chants on shrines

he confirmed with a lilting mind

'what is utmost superior and true'?

"It is this soul which resides in you"