I walk on a road lush with dreams,
a road of forgotten and veiled dreams,
sometimes slowly, sometimes gaily,
sometimes lost, sometimes profound,
I walk a road of unknown mysteries,
fervently finding my way through the endless path.....

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Grand mom and Me!

I have always preferred the company of those elder to me. Not that I don't gel nicely with youngsters but more often than not it's the elder brigade I ll be found hanging with. And that includes the 'oldies'.The world today talks of generation gap and how it has spread up in our society.I don't deny its existence but I haven't faced or rather felt its existence ever in my life.In my opinion, it's mis-communication rather than communication, ego clashes rather than clashes of thoughts that exist.Generation gap is simply a manifestation of impatience and intolerance.we do not have time today to listen to anything apart from what profits us and tolerate anybody challenging the boundaries of our egos.
My grandmom is coming to Delhi-my home (all my uncles and aunts live in various parts of the country,so she visits each of the places at least once a year) and oh no! it's not the Baghban type scene out here, all her children and grand-children want her to spend time with them so she needs to judiciously divide it between us.And so i passionately await her arrival.Although her stay in Delhi means i need to take out time from my jam-packed schedule to listen to her stories (they include stories of her childhood, my father's childhood, my childhood which I have listened for a hundred times now.Also the new ones as in-who said what, who did what,on her latest trips plus the anxiety of me growing up and marriage etc.(I am still not 20!) and not to forget the stories of tv soaps that she watches religiously).But still I love her.I lie down in her lap and feel her soft protruding tummy, touch her hand, the skin has lost its elasticity with age, comb her golden-white hair.I just love to be around her.
There are times when she says things that irritates me like my marriage or my getting up late on a sunday morning but it never puts me off. (not that I am trying to prove that I am a super-human) but coz of the fact that I love her and loving means respecting her principles and thoughts as much as I do mine.And then there is nothing left to argue or prove my point.
when she gets too hysterical at times and is not ready to see the changes of modernity, i simply hug her and say "aap wo sab chodiye and ye bataiye uss XYZ serial mein aaj kya hua"? and she like an innocent child forgets what she was saying and then another round of stories begins!
What I want to express is that with love and tolerance all problems can be solved by us. Generation gap is just one of them!

Monday, October 25, 2010

And she won, finally....

Sitting here, beside my dear friend I am taken into a flashback. Memories unwind. I remember the time she first told me about herself, about her life. She was the only daughter born in one of the middle class family. The world may have moved on , and we may have become open-minded but evil does remain. Girls are still frowned upon as if it was their mistake that God sent them to this world. She was born in one of those 'all-male' families, who knew men and wanted men only. And due to some complications her mother couldn't bore another child.A 'mistake' that she and her daughter had to suffer for.

But hers was a different story, different from cinderella or snow-white tales. she was fed well, wore good clothes, was sent to a well-known public school. everything about her was similar to a 'normal' well-brought up girl. even her mother loved her.That was the only love she received. that's it! she was not loved enough, respected and cared for enough. Her father , uncles and all males of that 'all-male' family still frowned upon her. Stoned her with words that left her self-respect and confidence bruised and tittered into pieces.. so much so that now in her teens she was a shy,timid girl. Who sat in the corner most desk of the class, absorbed in books. While other girls talked about fashion and boyfriends, she sat there ignited by the desire to prove herself to her father, her uncles and whole of the male dominated society she was a part of. She had never known of fathers love, sat on his lap, listened to the stories. All she knew were curses and glances of hatred whenever she passed by her side. Her mother did all she could, but poor lady was herself helpless and ill-treated.

I had never seen those male-members of her family, but I hated them. Cursed them. And secretly prayed that somehow something would happen and she will be able to shun that world of hers and vanish to a place where she would be free and loved for who she was. a girl.A girl with a heart of gold and a soul so pure.But  she was more realistic and always shrugged me off by saying "my life is real, it's not a fairy tale or a movie-it wont change.

However, evil can never lodge for long. God is great. He sees and he does miracles too. Good has to win over bad.And it happened! She was offered a scholarship to study abroad. How she and her mother convinced to let her go is another story but she was finally leaving today.

A sob startled me. It broke my reverie and I came back to reality. Here she sat besides me, my dear friend for the last time.She was crying. They were tears of parting mixed with freedom. I hugged her and smiled. She smiled back saying "your prayers paid off, I will miss you".  I choked and just managed to say " I hope you never come back here". As we parted, I looked up to the sky and thanked my God. Goodness had won.Evil was left there, defeated.

They say victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan. But like I said 'hers was a different story'. Here 'victory had no fathers and defeat was left childless'.

PS - Its been two years since she left. I dedicate my Diwali to her.May she continue to shine with all brightness over all evils that surrounded her life.

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Sunday, October 17, 2010


For hours, days and months,

I kept hoping that you'll come,

But never came that awaited hour,

never were my hopes fulfilled.

Each and every days was a promise,

that I will get you back today,

each and every night,

a dark lonely soul crushed for having been failed.

Mere words can't express,

the damage that you did,

a soul so hurt,

a friendship crushed and killed.

But know that I am stopping it all now and here,

I don't know how to begin again,

tired I am and probably don't care.

Soon I will be picking up the pieces,

the ones that don't hurt,

and little by little I will join them together,

slowly they will have the power to heal.

Heal my broken trust,

heal my empty soul,

heal my suffering self-respect,

and then I will be back on it again,

ready to let go.

Moving on to better relations,

smiling and making the world smile,

appreciating all the beauty that lies in the world,

and letting it touch my inner soul.

Today is the end of a broken bond,

and fondly I bury it up,

because its only when we close a door behind us,

that a new door, a new life,

that awaits us - WELCOMES US.


( Image courtesy - Google image search )

BEING ME .....

As I woke up in the middle of the night,

a strange voice caught my sight,

the voice was soft,seeping through the door,

still it pierced my heart deep down to the core.

It spoke about what lay within me,

"appearances are deceptive,

staying true to your own self is the key".

I wished to feel pretty,

I desired to feel loved,

I wished I could sometimes,

be in a world where I stood high and above.

But wishes may be countless,

and creating dreams may be free,

life has greater purposes,

and there is only one chance to be me.

"Being pretty is not what counts" she said,

"neither being above all is greatness,

it's the unsaid acts of kindness,

that make you feel blessed".

I pledged then and there,

to seek goodness everywhere,

I will treat others the way i want to be treated,

I will smile and make everyone else's day better,

I will stand on my morals and ways,

and in the end....

I will be there for my own self always

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The voice of our soul....

the 'me' time

There is a strange calmness, the one that encourages you to ponder over life and its purposes. as i sit besides the window resting my legs on a chair in front, my eyelashes hug each other and i take a deep breath. the ongoing conversation in my mind gets a little louder. its a random, abstract thought right now...images flash over and out and suddenly disappear all at once a cool breeze softly touches my face. my lips curve slightly to instruct the mind to hold on for a while their seemingly heated up conversation.

I have long realised it now that there is this very deep but faint voice that lifts up from our souls, it guides perfectly even when we are at crossroads. this inner voice is never judgemental neither bias nor partial, it tells the truth as it is or better still stirs in more wisdom to give an almost perfect solution.

people may have written a lot about the fact that it takes tremendous willpower to be true to your own self but in my opinion a greater challenge is understanding to what your inner self is saying in the first place.

we are running behind materialistic aspects and loved to defined my relations around us, never paying heed to the relation between our own soul and self. we are so afraid to sit alone, so afraid to take a break, to retrospect our pasts. we prefer to live inside shells which are actually broken ones, slowly peircing to destroy it completely.

suddenly my phone rings, the voice inside my instructs me not to pick it up, i still open my eyes. the conversation and realisation are lost now.i move my hands to pick up the call but just then i stop, almost by reflex. i put my legs up again and let the voice take over me once more. i have honoured it. it feels good!

( Image courtesy - Google image search )