Ab ki baar...VOTER LACHAAR (helpless)!!

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify that this post will not resonate well with those who are blind faithful supporters of Modi (BJP) or congress or AAP or any other political party.

voting - democracy-disappointment

  
'India is the largest democracy in the world' - we have learnt and believed in this since the time we became acquainted with the subject 'social studies' in school. A democracy wherein the leader is chosen 'by the people, for the people and of the people'. 
But now as the 16th Lok Sabha election has already begin I cannot ignore the confusion and helplessness I feel amidst all the tamasha, hullabaloo, mockery and a storm that ironically has arrived ahead of the impending silence and disappointments. 

Being a Delhiite, I am suppose to cast my vote on the 10th of April. Voting is my right, it is suppose to give me not just a sense of power but also satisfaction that yes! I have chosen a leader who will consider my rights and the rights of my fellow countrymen as his prime duty.

And undoubtedly the numerous hoarding costing crores of rupees, loud promises being broadcasted night and day by the print and electronic media drag me to believe in them. They push me to trust that all these leaders are worthy of my vote and my faith.

Then why this confusion? Why do I feel torn between my duty as a citizen of the country and the inner voice which stands disgusted on the very thought of supporting these leaders built on in numerous promises and dreams of prosperity? 

Maybe because the party which promises 'tarakki (progress) and shakti (power) to my hands' failed to do so in the last 5 years. How and why should I trust them again?

Or maybe because a person who promises the 'his sarkar will do chamatkaar' was ruling Gujarat when the riots took place. And I don't say that he was responsible for instigating or promoting them but my fragile heart fears that a man who sat on the throne while some 700 Muslims and 400 Hindus were mercilessly killed and did nothing at all, what am I supposed to expect from him and his sarkar now? 

Curbing corruption has been not just on of our important demands but also the reason why congress failed miserably as a government. And insptie of being wee aware of this fact, the stats have left me completely taken aback. 

'30 per cent of candidates fielded by both parties have criminal charges against them; of them 13 per cent face serious charges like murder and kidnapping.
35 per cent of the BJP's candidates face criminal charges, of them 17 percent are serious charges. Meanwhile, 27 per cent of Congress' candidates face criminal charges, with 10 per cent facing serious charges.'  Source here.

How do these so called progress loving parties expect us to vote and support members who have allegedly murdered someone, looted and robbed us of our hard earned money. And not just one or two but 35% of the total? 
Is this the kind of democracy we live in and proudly associate our self with?

I do not know about others but as a girl who has been taught honesty, values and instilled with morals like 'lying, murdering, cheating are heinous crimes' my mind shudders on the very thought of pressing the button in support of leaders accused of the same.
My conscience abhors the thought of choosing a murderer or a thief to decide how I live, what I see, the college in study in, the jobs I get paid for and all other innumerable aspects of my everyday life and not just mine but the lives of those I love, my family, friends, neighbours etc.

Yet I am expected to vote. It is expected of me to exercise my right and fulfill my duty. 

Is this me playing a part of a respnsible citizen or is it me supporting an irresponsible leader?

will the blue ink bring in a sense of power to me or will it fill my heart with guilt and disgust?

I know not. But all I see is a choice between responsibility and my morals. but aren't the two interconnected? Isn't my responsibility encompassed within the values I uphold? It indeed is.

So what will I be doing on this 10th of April? who shall I support and who shall I reject? 
Is NOT voting the only sensible thing to do? so that later I can at least live guilt free when God forbid another riot takes place in some part of the country killing people like me and the sarkar does nothing to stop it? 
The more I think, the more I feel helpless. A puppet of delusional democracy
Don't you feel the same? If yes, where lies the solution? 


PS : After much thought and weighing a handful options I left with, I decided that I shall vote. And I will vote for someone who is not at least having charges and blames that repel my conscience. No matter what party or person is it. 
And if I feel that there is none worthy of the same, I shall back out. I will not let my hand for the support and encouragement of things that abhor my very soul for the sake of
responsibility.

They Showed me the right path....

When it comes to learning and growing not just in age but wisdom too, I think that my own suffering have been the greatest of all teachers.
As Charles Dickens said 'suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but I hope - into a better shape'.
No pain we suffer goes useless. It teaches us patience, humility, compassion, faith, confidence. Its only after shedding tears that the road ahead seems clearer.

It is also true that in these moments of trouble and trials does our real attitude stand out. Being a medical student I come across tens of patients and their despaired family members each day as they are scattered throughout the hospital. Each one of them waiting to get rid of his agony and distress.

Last month I had been posted to a government hospital in Delhi as a part of my 3rd year curriculum. I was supposed to collect the blood samples of 'bed no. 12' - female ward that day. So with all the necessary instruments like syringe and collecting vials etc. I made my way to the ward. On reaching the bed to my surprise the patient, a girl of about 17 years was surrounded by other inmates of the room.She was narrating them something and they all laughed. And the wards which are usually a gloomy place was filled with laughter and zest.

As I took her blood samples I tried to strike a conversation with her. (We are even taught to do the same with any patient in order to divert their attention while pricking a needle).
She told me that she was a student of class 12th and had secured a good 90%. She aspired to be a doctor and had toiled hard for the entrances the whole year but this unwelcoming illness made her miss all the entrances which meant she would have to wait for another year to be able to get admission in a college.

After taking the samples I ordered her to take rest and not talk much. She spoke again 'laughter is the best medicine, isn't it? I am helping myself and others get well soon' :)
I was amazed at her spirit and determination. How subtly did she made me learn that not only being happy is indeed the best medicine but its our outlook to things that makes all the difference.

Life in the capital city of India is so fast paced and busy. There is no time to stop and stare. A slit- throat competitive atmosphere prevails everywhere. I travel by DTC everyday and undoubtedly catching a bus is an extremely tedious task. You are pushed and crushed.The drivers halt the buses way ahead the directed mark. People literally want to grab and kick you out to 'edge' a place in the ever increasing number of commuters.

It was amidst such a scenario one day that I saw a lady in her 60's trying in vain to clutch the bus door handle.
But then suddenly a guy in his 20's who was standing beside me on the bus stop ran and not only shouted on the driver to stop the bus but also climbed and helped the woman get into the bus. The lady was moved to tears as she blessed the boy and thanked him.

As I and many others witnessed this incident, not just today but almost everyday I held my head in shame. And realized that its easy to crib and point out mistakes but to see a change we need to create it.

As we walk forward to shoulder bigger responsibilities we should never forget the lines learnt back in pre-school days: 

 "little deeds of kindness

little words of love

help to make our earth an Eden

like the heaven above".

And lastly an incident which was the first one to come in my mind when I read the topic.
It happened about 15 years back when I was around 7 years old but as they say that some incidents teach us lesson of a lifetime and no matter what they remain imprinted in our memories forever.

My uncle was about 65 years old then. He was a man of great principles and a thorough disciplinarian.
He would often come to our house and take us for shopping or to nearby places. We obviously liked him dearly.
On one such day, he decided to take us to the nearby book shop.The shop was a 20 minutes drive from our house.
While coming back in the autorickshaw we got stuck in a huge traffic jam. Uncle had an appointment at 5 PM and realizing he was already late, as he had to drop us and then go to his place he paid off the auto and decided to walk us to the house for it was only a 5 minutes walk from there. Since mobile phone were not common in those days so he had no way to inform anyone.

As we walked, suddenly a large stone on the road made uncle lose his balance and he fell down getting severely injured. later that week, he left for his heavenly abode.
I still remember his words that 'what better could it be to die for those morals and principles on which you have lived your entire life'.And uncle truly did that.
Now whenever I am running later I remember his punctuality and make it a point to at least inform the person waiting for me. I strive hard to live on and sustain my principles and beliefs just like him. And I am sure that when he sees me from up there he smiles and is so happy to know that I learnt what I saw and inculcated it in my life too!

I am sharing what 'I Saw and I Learnt' at BlogAdda.com in association with DoRight.in.

Birthdays and celebrations....

The only good part about birthdays according to me are the in numerous calls and greetings. Unfortunately, with facebook colonizing our lives and minds this part too seems to be lost. Now all we see are mere half hearted 'wishes on the wall'!

Birthdays never excite me. Never got the feeling that this was 'my day' or anything remotely special. Not because I am traumatized by the thought of growing old but for a simple reason that what exactly be considered special in a day which comes again and again in each one of our lives? 
OK, you might defend me by saying that it marks our arrival into this world, in the lives of people around who consider you special yet I have my own beliefs which drag me to the other side.

This year however it was slightly different. As soon as the clock stuck 12, there was this episode of calls and wishes which lasted till 1.30 a.m.
As I hit my bed, pretty tired and 'least' excited sleep was no where in sight. Usually its my habit whenever sleep eludes me on a night I either sit up with my diary and pen, scribbling and rambling or if am too tired I simply lie down and introspect on mysterious paths of life. I chose the latter on this day too. My mind was conspiring with my heart of how to feel special about growing up or rather 'the day'.

It was quarter to 4 now and suddenly a thought hit me. (yes, such are the occasions when this phrase exactly fits in coz sometimes certain thought literally 'hit you up' !)

 I realized that our birthday is the only day which is FIXED yet TRANSIENT in our lives. Fixed not because it comes each year (all dates do) but fixed for it will always be a benchmark of all that I learn and become. Like a ray, with a fixed beginning but no ending
.
 And transient for it makes me realize that age IS time. It comes and goes and never comes back again. We can never so accurately and fairly take account of time and age as can we do on this day- our birthday.

It may sound contradictory to some. It may also appear as bickering to some.
But for me I don't celebrate my growing up instead I celebrate the fixed and the transient moments embedded in this day.

What do you celebrate on/about your birthday? Do let me know! :)

'Tryst with a night'

This is not the first time that I sit under the open sky admiring its vastness. Stars like dew on delicate petals attract me ever since I learnt to recite 

'Twinkle, twinkle little star

how I wonder what you are

up above the world so high

like a diamond in the sky'

Back then and even today I genuinely wonder what they are? Keeping aside the elaborate and complex explanations presented in the physics textbooks, that's not alluring in the least!

I visualize them through the depth of my eyes and the window of my soul. I trust them more than the complicated and ever changing theories of physics. However it still is a mystery. A mystery that unfolds every night. Night after night.

To me its a different world. A world so serene, a world so secure. Why can't the stars and the mushy breeze stay with me, within me forever?

They say that after every night comes a bright day but it never sounds pleasing to me.Instead I want to be blanketed in the laps of this night. Caressed by the winds and protected by the sky.

This tryst with the night is ever so beautiful, so fascinating and so mysterious.

Plunging into the colossal sky I experience freedom and let my mind wander with those mysteries. hugging them tight.

Walking over the known and the unknown together is a passion infinitely pleasurable.

Gossiping into the ear of night those little words of joy and sorrow, the turmoils of the sun.

I have trusted this tryst with innumerable songs. The soft winds press upon me kisses so enchanting that I touch the divine and the divine swathes me.

PS - Written on one such night....this tryst continues till the suns ray breaks my reverie....

Ice.

I have reached a state
when desires seem to melt away.

When the flame of reality is so powerful
all illusions seem to retreat.

When the sting of past pains is so strong
expectations seem to comatose.

Life is still - hushed by nothing, spirited by none

No passions to overrule, no desires to out rule.

The silence is so loud
neither clock ticks, nor the heart beats.

There is nothing to lose and I am winning nothing. 

For victory and defeat aren't game enough for such tranquility.

The wheel of time turns not, no breeze blows, waves seize to touch the shore.

Sorrows of past affect me not and future holds no promises for me.

No evil spirits or Angels guard me.
I have neither friends nor foes.

There are only mirrors, those endless reflecting surfaces
whose ray pave their way to one place - Me

But, this is not an end...not even a beginning...

then what exactly is it?

2 hours- I choose 'living' over 'winning'

The very thought of procuring an extra two hours a day feels like a free dish on my platter or a prayer answered when you least expected it or maybe a surprise top -up recharge on my usually low on balance cell phone!

In a jiffy with an energy of a shooting star I found myself scribbling out various activities I'd do in those 'extra cheese' on my pizza hours :-D

Courtesy- Google image search

from Shopping to Sleeping               

Cooking to Cleaning

Reading to Roaming

Phone calls to Friends...

my list en wrapped NOT just everything humanly possible but also wild fantasies like Time travel and Tolerating the neighborhood aunt's rants!

However, as soon as the initial excitement and euphoria subsided I realized that we have always heard people say ' this world's a playground' although the only sports I observe people 'playing' now a days is 'athletics' (it includes me as well) . Yes, running, jumping and throwing! Running endlessly, mindlessly and often aimlessly day after day for months and years to reach the end of an infinite path.

In this era of eternal rushing when 24 hours cease to suffice, what difference will two additional hours make? what I will end up doing is a little more of this endless running!

So I decided to pursue something beyond monotony of everyday - 'to slow down a bit'!
For its better to 'LIVE' than to 'WIN' this race of life!

To let that athlete in me experience a whiff of wind, 

the green of tress and red of rose, 

the sound of lub-dub when my heart beats and millions of such marvels which go unnoticed each day.

I decided 

I will let people stand ahead of me in a queue,

wait patiently for the second bus and let an old lady take my seat in the first one instead. 

I will let a fellow customer get her billing done first,

talk to that child with special needs on the bus stand for there is no rush to reach college ,

oil my mom's hair,

listen patiently to my grand mom's late night stories, 

play with my younger brother for some minutes more,

chase the butterflies like in childhood days,
read even those 'longer than average' post on blogs,

water my plants more often,

relish even the second serving of my dessert,
sit beside the window with my huge coffee mug,

love myself more for proudly being me,

and just when those 120 minutes bid farewell- 

thank Almighty for blessing my  LONG day! :-)

courtesy- Google image search

 

This post has been written for 'SURF EXCEL MATIC #get smart' contest hosted by Indiblogger. You can fave it HERE.

The 'pimple prescription' !!!

Its pimples that bring me back to my blog today!

 I know, some of you might be praying that 'Oh God..zap that painful pustule off her face so that we don't have to bear the pain of reading her' while others (those who wish well) would send in a prayer to the heaven to get me rid of this red spot ASAP! either ways..its my benefit ;)

So coming back to the tale! Well, to be very frank I usually pay not much attention to such things as pimples. I am not blessed with a spotless, glowing skin but its normally fine with a pimple or two popping up (just at the time of some party or meet-up). We all know how it is :-/

A few weeks ago however there happened to be an usual and un-welcoming arrival of these pesky spots in dozens. I was a little horrified :O but after a day, that feeling subsided and the optimist and devil may care attitude in me rejuvenated!

Yet all of it is no good when 4 of your friends pester you every 5 minutes to consult a skin specialist just because its not fair that someone like me should have such an out pour of pimples ( I got no clue WHAT is that suppose to mean) :-s

Anyhow they finally convinced me to the clinic and I went on the same day to a famous skin institute in south Delhi area. After paying Rs.200 as consultation fee I sat in the waiting area for like 10minutes before being called in finally.

Me - hi doctor! *told her my problem*

Doc - hmmm...Ye hormonal problem hai you see (Like I or any other person today isn't aware of it)

she then continued - Here get these blood tests done - 1,2,3,4... from a GOOD lab

use this face wash

a tablet

another tablet

a day cream

another day cream (now, how am I suppose to apply 2 day creams on the SAME day? )

a night cream

a shampoo

Plus avoid butter,chocolates,tea,coffee,chips,cold drinks and the list went on!

she wrote her prescription like a shopping list or maybe she was competing with the number of pimples I had on my face. I looked at her utterly confused and swore to NOT return back after 10 days!

And it was only later that I realized the prescription would have costed me around 2000 bucks for 10 days with hardly any relief coz there happens to be 'no miracle cure for pimples' and every sane person knows it! Plus, its not JUST about the money but also that the creams and tabs prescribed work only to suppress the pimples and its only temporary.

After coming back home obviously the sad and useless demise of my 200 bucks was killing me from inside so I decided to use the 'desi totkas'. And as expected, they DID wonders and why wouldn't they? For the creams and gels boast to use extracts of the same 'natural herbs'.
Sounds logical? To me it does!!

Its a climb....

I know people change. Change so subtly that is takes days to believe the existence of something that was imperceptible before.

I know people turn their back.I have seen them hiding their faces like the evening sun which dips ever so slowly somewhere in the horizon and darkens all that's around, while you stand patiently for the dingy light to be thrust upon.

I know people back stab.I have felt them poking those incessant punches on me like the merciless winds in a vast, hot, sandy desert which away extracts all moisture and vitality and depresses one deep in the restless sand.

I know it because life blessed me with relations and thrust upon me the intricacies of dealing with people. People who promised to never change and relations which were as sturdy as huge mountains. But nothing can change the nature of change for it has to change!

And its no more surprising yet an irony as to how the most toughest of glasses shatter easily. Promises that define our being, are our strengths and hope dissolve as soon as we lean onto them perfectly.

I know it because I have leaned onto such promises completely and in a few moments there was a loud thud. so loud that it lost its audibility maybe. For nobody heard anything. But I know it because I felt the silence.

A missing part.

A dissolved promise. 

A dead relation.

Its at times surprising as to how relations build up. The sweetness tends to be dissolved in innumerable and never ending expectations. 

Expectations that climb a ladder of shattering hopes and broken promises.The trouble is we cant do much about it. Its spontaneous. No matter how tough you appear to be, you are bound to expect and be disappointed in return. I know it coz I have had my share of shattered hopes and expectations.

And not just for once but innumerable times.

I wont label my life as one of extraordinary pain or change but yes, I can proudly say that I have had my share till now. No wonder there is more to come. For the pages of destiny cant go blank.They have been filled with an ink that outlines my life. The fact is that I don't have a choice , neither does life have, we both are being played upon by something superior. For 

"he who makes my woes for me

will think about my woes

my brooding over them would be

a greater woe than those" :)

Unimpeded....

Taking hold of me

from dawn to dusk

and dusk to dawn

in blooms and flush

desires never die

unconsciously they lie

flourishing like weeds

causing untold miseries

spinning concentric webs

thread by thread

entangling and breaking, entangling again

futile is to impede

amorphous kindling aspirations

setting up wildly like a storm

rooting deep to the deepest

outgrowing the tallest of trees

I fight and I resist

those arrays of emotions

but there is no holding them

futile is to impede

neither meaningful words

nor soulful talks

can subdue those temptations

and futile is to impede....

mystical dreams.....

She lay there numb and dizzy but there was no desire to get away. Being completely aware of her fate and also the fate of the man beside her in deep slumber some distance away.

she looked at him profoundly and immediately her mind flew off to the time she had first seen him

"Brida? Paulo? " he exclaimed!

"what?"  she lifted her head slightly and passed on a puzzled look to the tall gentleman standing in front of her. gentleman because of his well groomed appearance , dressed in a glossy black suit teamed with a navy blue tie, he appeared rather attractive to her.

" The book " . he smiled pointing to the novel in her hand.

she was now beginning to get annoyed at his uninvited remarks. " yes! It is brida by paulo coelho and I happen to read it , any problem"? ! she clamoured at him , shutting the book loudly.

" Brida makes a good read, and somehow I feel you'd be able to connect with it heavily". saying this he walked off and so briskly that she couldn't utter even a word!

"strange" ! she murmured and settled once again to continue her story.

xxxxxxxxxx

She woke up breathing heavily , nauseated and drenched in a cold sweat. Immediately gulping a glass of water on her bedside table she pinched herself to convince on the fact that the reverie was broken.
It was not for the first time that she dreamt it all . 
The palace- adorned with precious, twinkling jewels , those silky shining red carpets, curtains that flung to and fro divinely, a beautiful bird in the golden cage, a throne so majestic that eyes forgot to blink and she, sitting amidst all the royalty.the princess of this kingdom.To her it all belonged and it was her aura that made it gleam even more.

but today her dreams had startled her,even in her own dream! today,the mystic lights around the palace couldn't trap the white haze, today the winds were gentle and hypnotic. Neither the royal curtains nor the carpets could hush up a presence.His presence,so strong that it was beginning to make her vulnerable! who was he? some traveler or maybe a king from a tribe of a far-way land? with a charisma so splendid that even the princess was spellbound, indifferent of her own royalty.

suddenly 'he' emerged out of a wavering mist dawning in front of the throne.Raising her dark hued eyes she let them meet his and went numb!

This was precisely the moment that had shut off the windows to a dream of hers. How was it possible? how could the mist descend to lay on a reality? a reality, yet so strange and unknown.
No, no! something is wrong! with these thoughts in mind she walked downstairs, aware of her steps, her surroundings but unaware that her world lay somewhere behind those cloudy appearances.

To be continued...... 

PART - 2 
PART-3 

BEING ME .....

As I woke up in the middle of the night,

a strange voice caught my sight,

the voice was soft,seeping through the door,

still it pierced my heart deep down to the core.

It spoke about what lay within me,

"appearances are deceptive,

staying true to your own self is the key".

I wished to feel pretty,

I desired to feel loved,

I wished I could sometimes,

be in a world where I stood high and above.

But wishes may be countless,

and creating dreams may be free,

life has greater purposes,

and there is only one chance to be me.

"Being pretty is not what counts" she said,

"neither being above all is greatness,

it's the unsaid acts of kindness,

that make you feel blessed".

I pledged then and there,

to seek goodness everywhere,

I will treat others the way i want to be treated,

I will smile and make everyone else's day better,

I will stand on my morals and ways,

and in the end....

I will be there for my own self always