Ab ki baar...VOTER LACHAAR (helpless)!!

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify that this post will not resonate well with those who are blind faithful supporters of Modi (BJP) or congress or AAP or any other political party.

voting - democracy-disappointment

  
'India is the largest democracy in the world' - we have learnt and believed in this since the time we became acquainted with the subject 'social studies' in school. A democracy wherein the leader is chosen 'by the people, for the people and of the people'. 
But now as the 16th Lok Sabha election has already begin I cannot ignore the confusion and helplessness I feel amidst all the tamasha, hullabaloo, mockery and a storm that ironically has arrived ahead of the impending silence and disappointments. 

Being a Delhiite, I am suppose to cast my vote on the 10th of April. Voting is my right, it is suppose to give me not just a sense of power but also satisfaction that yes! I have chosen a leader who will consider my rights and the rights of my fellow countrymen as his prime duty.

And undoubtedly the numerous hoarding costing crores of rupees, loud promises being broadcasted night and day by the print and electronic media drag me to believe in them. They push me to trust that all these leaders are worthy of my vote and my faith.

Then why this confusion? Why do I feel torn between my duty as a citizen of the country and the inner voice which stands disgusted on the very thought of supporting these leaders built on in numerous promises and dreams of prosperity? 

Maybe because the party which promises 'tarakki (progress) and shakti (power) to my hands' failed to do so in the last 5 years. How and why should I trust them again?

Or maybe because a person who promises the 'his sarkar will do chamatkaar' was ruling Gujarat when the riots took place. And I don't say that he was responsible for instigating or promoting them but my fragile heart fears that a man who sat on the throne while some 700 Muslims and 400 Hindus were mercilessly killed and did nothing at all, what am I supposed to expect from him and his sarkar now? 

Curbing corruption has been not just on of our important demands but also the reason why congress failed miserably as a government. And insptie of being wee aware of this fact, the stats have left me completely taken aback. 

'30 per cent of candidates fielded by both parties have criminal charges against them; of them 13 per cent face serious charges like murder and kidnapping.
35 per cent of the BJP's candidates face criminal charges, of them 17 percent are serious charges. Meanwhile, 27 per cent of Congress' candidates face criminal charges, with 10 per cent facing serious charges.'  Source here.

How do these so called progress loving parties expect us to vote and support members who have allegedly murdered someone, looted and robbed us of our hard earned money. And not just one or two but 35% of the total? 
Is this the kind of democracy we live in and proudly associate our self with?

I do not know about others but as a girl who has been taught honesty, values and instilled with morals like 'lying, murdering, cheating are heinous crimes' my mind shudders on the very thought of pressing the button in support of leaders accused of the same.
My conscience abhors the thought of choosing a murderer or a thief to decide how I live, what I see, the college in study in, the jobs I get paid for and all other innumerable aspects of my everyday life and not just mine but the lives of those I love, my family, friends, neighbours etc.

Yet I am expected to vote. It is expected of me to exercise my right and fulfill my duty. 

Is this me playing a part of a respnsible citizen or is it me supporting an irresponsible leader?

will the blue ink bring in a sense of power to me or will it fill my heart with guilt and disgust?

I know not. But all I see is a choice between responsibility and my morals. but aren't the two interconnected? Isn't my responsibility encompassed within the values I uphold? It indeed is.

So what will I be doing on this 10th of April? who shall I support and who shall I reject? 
Is NOT voting the only sensible thing to do? so that later I can at least live guilt free when God forbid another riot takes place in some part of the country killing people like me and the sarkar does nothing to stop it? 
The more I think, the more I feel helpless. A puppet of delusional democracy
Don't you feel the same? If yes, where lies the solution? 


PS : After much thought and weighing a handful options I left with, I decided that I shall vote. And I will vote for someone who is not at least having charges and blames that repel my conscience. No matter what party or person is it. 
And if I feel that there is none worthy of the same, I shall back out. I will not let my hand for the support and encouragement of things that abhor my very soul for the sake of
responsibility.

They Showed me the right path....

When it comes to learning and growing not just in age but wisdom too, I think that my own suffering have been the greatest of all teachers.
As Charles Dickens said 'suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but I hope - into a better shape'.
No pain we suffer goes useless. It teaches us patience, humility, compassion, faith, confidence. Its only after shedding tears that the road ahead seems clearer.

It is also true that in these moments of trouble and trials does our real attitude stand out. Being a medical student I come across tens of patients and their despaired family members each day as they are scattered throughout the hospital. Each one of them waiting to get rid of his agony and distress.

Last month I had been posted to a government hospital in Delhi as a part of my 3rd year curriculum. I was supposed to collect the blood samples of 'bed no. 12' - female ward that day. So with all the necessary instruments like syringe and collecting vials etc. I made my way to the ward. On reaching the bed to my surprise the patient, a girl of about 17 years was surrounded by other inmates of the room.She was narrating them something and they all laughed. And the wards which are usually a gloomy place was filled with laughter and zest.

As I took her blood samples I tried to strike a conversation with her. (We are even taught to do the same with any patient in order to divert their attention while pricking a needle).
She told me that she was a student of class 12th and had secured a good 90%. She aspired to be a doctor and had toiled hard for the entrances the whole year but this unwelcoming illness made her miss all the entrances which meant she would have to wait for another year to be able to get admission in a college.

After taking the samples I ordered her to take rest and not talk much. She spoke again 'laughter is the best medicine, isn't it? I am helping myself and others get well soon' :)
I was amazed at her spirit and determination. How subtly did she made me learn that not only being happy is indeed the best medicine but its our outlook to things that makes all the difference.

Life in the capital city of India is so fast paced and busy. There is no time to stop and stare. A slit- throat competitive atmosphere prevails everywhere. I travel by DTC everyday and undoubtedly catching a bus is an extremely tedious task. You are pushed and crushed.The drivers halt the buses way ahead the directed mark. People literally want to grab and kick you out to 'edge' a place in the ever increasing number of commuters.

It was amidst such a scenario one day that I saw a lady in her 60's trying in vain to clutch the bus door handle.
But then suddenly a guy in his 20's who was standing beside me on the bus stop ran and not only shouted on the driver to stop the bus but also climbed and helped the woman get into the bus. The lady was moved to tears as she blessed the boy and thanked him.

As I and many others witnessed this incident, not just today but almost everyday I held my head in shame. And realized that its easy to crib and point out mistakes but to see a change we need to create it.

As we walk forward to shoulder bigger responsibilities we should never forget the lines learnt back in pre-school days: 

 "little deeds of kindness

little words of love

help to make our earth an Eden

like the heaven above".

And lastly an incident which was the first one to come in my mind when I read the topic.
It happened about 15 years back when I was around 7 years old but as they say that some incidents teach us lesson of a lifetime and no matter what they remain imprinted in our memories forever.

My uncle was about 65 years old then. He was a man of great principles and a thorough disciplinarian.
He would often come to our house and take us for shopping or to nearby places. We obviously liked him dearly.
On one such day, he decided to take us to the nearby book shop.The shop was a 20 minutes drive from our house.
While coming back in the autorickshaw we got stuck in a huge traffic jam. Uncle had an appointment at 5 PM and realizing he was already late, as he had to drop us and then go to his place he paid off the auto and decided to walk us to the house for it was only a 5 minutes walk from there. Since mobile phone were not common in those days so he had no way to inform anyone.

As we walked, suddenly a large stone on the road made uncle lose his balance and he fell down getting severely injured. later that week, he left for his heavenly abode.
I still remember his words that 'what better could it be to die for those morals and principles on which you have lived your entire life'.And uncle truly did that.
Now whenever I am running later I remember his punctuality and make it a point to at least inform the person waiting for me. I strive hard to live on and sustain my principles and beliefs just like him. And I am sure that when he sees me from up there he smiles and is so happy to know that I learnt what I saw and inculcated it in my life too!

I am sharing what 'I Saw and I Learnt' at BlogAdda.com in association with DoRight.in.

If only...A mother's regret

If only....I sit in the court of law with only these words ringing in my mind. There are endless tears. Tears of remorse, tears of failure. Failure to be a good mother. Failing to see and understand the innumerable warning signs that my child's progressing disorder gave me.

The only reason for my smile,my 16 year old boy Abhay stands in the trial box today.
Abhay has AUTISM. Yes, I accept it today. But If only....I had visualized and accepted it earlier things would have been so different.

When Abhay was born on 23rd September 1996, our happiness knew no bounds. After a series of miscarriages he was my first 'live' child and nothing less than a miracle for me.
As days passed, it was him my life revolved around. His every movement, each smile and cry, those little gestures, I awaited for them impatiently. For him I lived and he lived in me.

Everything was perfect EXCEPT that Abhay as a little baby almost never smiled. He never reciprocated gestures of love like hugs or touch and made almost no baby sounds.
I noticed it. Noticed these SIGNS everyday but IGNORED.

At the age of 2, my dear boy Abhay avoided any conversation. Whatever little words like 'maa' and 'papa' he had learned, he seemed to be forgetting using those too.He made no eye contacts.

While other babies of his age laughed,chatted and played he sat on his bed or cot silently.
I noticed this too and got worried. But my ignorance took the better of me and dismissed it as 'mere shyness' of my sweet boy.

When at 4 years. Abhay joined school, I was happy and hopeful of him becoming 'normal' and 'cooperative' but things never got better. On the contrary he developed a strange obsession for 'tin cans'.
He would collect them from everywhere and arrange them up in rows, piling them on one another.
I could very well sense his behaviour as rather 'inappropriate' but my love, my blind love dismissed this too as my kids 'new hobby'.

Infact I started buying him cans. I woulds get them for him and he would silently retire to his room and sit for hours piling and re-piling them.

At 10, he was facing major problems at school and almost everyone could sense there was something wrong with his attitude, except me. Once when his teacher called me to discuss important matters regarding my child's progress I IGNORED the meeting for I hated to hear anyone call my little bundle of joy as 'abnormal' and 'mad'.

I chose a private tuition as the solution. Mrs. Riya was a wise lady.
 She WARNED me several times about Abhay's behaviour and that his avoiding eye contacts, his reclusive attitude and decreasing grades at school all very clearly suggested 'Autism'.
But blame me, my blind, ignorant, selfish love- I IGNORED this clear and red line sign too! Asking Mrs. Riya to leave then and there.

And as she had warned, thing never got better. My child never laughed or played with me. Never behaved like an adolescent would.

Now at 16 after changing innumerable schools and hearing the children of his age pass rude and cruel taunts with no therapy or medical treatment Abhay's condition progressed to a new phase.
He had developed a violent and criminal frenzy.
And as a doting mother I was still unable to decipher those SIGNS.  If only....I had realized them even at this stage, I could have saved my child's future.

The judge's loud gavel bang broke my reverie. And I heard the unbelievable words reach my ears - 

'After listening and hearing to all the witnesses this court has come up with the decision that juvenile criminal ABHAY GUPTA, 16 years has brutally murdered his classmate on 21st August. He is awarded an imprisonment of 3 years along with rehabilitation and education.The court is adjourned for the day.'

I listened in regret more than disbelief as the court passed its judgement. My little boy Abhay was behind the bars today. My ignorance has cost him his future.I stood there like a complete loser. A helpless woman who destroyed her family.
 If only I had realized that loving my child doesn't mean over looking the imperfections.
And not taken for granted the warning signs that lay before my eyes each day, each moment, in all his gestures and actions.

If only.....

MORAL : Our strength can also become our greatest weaknesses and vice versa if not rationally channelized.
'Continuing to believe in a lie is a lot easier then accepting the truth' but one should learn to be vigilant and accept the realities no matter how harsh and painful.


Friends, the early signs of almost all diseases are the most important yet easily neglected ones. Don't be ignorant and read on to know more about them.
This post is written as a part of 'The moral of the story is...' contest by Colgate and Indiblogger.
To know more about how to keep teeth healthy and avoiding troubles check My healthy speak blog.

Clothes - the 'masked' culprits

So you are out shopping with your friend in that LBD to buy another LCD (no not TV, its little cute dress you idiot)? Great I say but then why sneer when those ugly jerks fix their gaze hard at you? 
If you claim all rights to wear what you wish even they can command of every right to see 'whatever' they desire. No?

'Prevention is better than cure'- an age old adage we all know. But unfortunately most of us visualize prevention as a task too tedious and thereby calmly ignoring it until trouble bangs loud on our doors.

When it comes to protecting our selves as women we insist on carrying 'pepper sprays' and learning techniques of martial arts, which is all good undoubtedly but in the picture of larger things we forget of the basic tools nature and society conjointly has granted us - The right as well as freedom to 'cover ourselves'!

Yes clothes have been and will always be the greatest tool the greatest weapon against perverted and lascivious eyes especially in a country like ours where mindset is too reluctant to change.

No matter the extent of hue and cry one makes over upgrading your thoughts certain things are embedded within the very soil and society.

Choose what you wear wisely!!

Let me present you with a situation to explain things in a more coherent manner. If a madmen leaps onto you every time he sees you with a stick what would you do?
Would you continue appearing in front of him with the authority and so-called rights or would you rather opt a wiser and level headed way to tackle him?

The issue in hand is pretty much analogous. Hurling stones and sticks at a madmen would do no good and neither would trespassing the laws of nature. If you are so keen on exercising your rights and responsibilities then opt for modesty in how you present yourselves instead of giving those leering eyes all advantage to see what lies within you. 

I dare not say that this will deter the diseased minds from spreading dirt but we as women should not foster the obscenity in them.

Not long ago there was an incident of a little girl being raped because the guy reportedly had got all 'charged up' seeing a barely clad lady minutes ago. Here, I am in no way advocating the guy's action as acceptable but merely mentioning the repercussions and reactions of your actions and attire.

I know many of you will dismiss my thoughts as retrogressive since skimpy clothes today are almost De rigour but so is rape and eve-teasing my friends!
And if you accept that what you wear defines who you are to a great extent then denying the fact that our clothes play no role in how people around us see and feel about us would be so hypocritical.

This in no way means that dressing is directly connected to crimes like rapes but your attire is definitely related to how you are perceived. Why complain of being labelled as 'sex objects' when you proudly show cleavages in public places? 

Once we start appreciating the power of a modest dressing, the freedom one gains from it and your right to be respected rather leered at am sure many a things will jump up on the right path!

And in the end I quote Margaret Hale to sum it up all so elegantly:

“One of the first evidences of a real lady, is that she should be modest. By modesty we mean that she shall not say, do, nor wear anything that would cause her to appear gaudy, ill-bred, or unchaste. There should be nothing about her to attract unfavorable attention, nothing in her dress or manner that would give a man an excuse for vulgar comment. When we dress contrary to the rule of modesty we give excuse for unwholesome thoughts in the mind of those who look upon us, and every girl who oversteps these bounds makes herself liable to misunderstanding and insult, though she may be innocent of any such intention.” 

Sabke 'bus' ki baat nahi....Degrading DTC scenario!

"Little deeds of kindness

little words of love

help to make our earth an Eden

like the heaven above"

We all have read these few yet extremely eloquent lines in our kindergarten days but growing up shoulders on bigger responsibilities and somewhere these untold gestures loose relevance in between the pages of a moribund book called 'life'.

I happen to be a daily commuter of DTC buses. Now, Delhi is a busy city. in fact, this is an understatement. its bustling with a huge flock of people running anxiously in all directions , at all destinations , all the time. yes, that's how it appears to be.

Morning and afternoons being the worst case scenarios ,with a population mounting up to a whopping 1.67 crore no wonder the buses are scanty in number and the number of commuters running hysterically behind each one of them 'to edge' a place are manifold.

this is a routine commuters life in DELHI!

And thanks to the 'phasing out' of old buses and bluelines the situation has degrade to the level of new 'low floor'.

 These red and green (and recently started orange) buses happen to be wider with automatic doors no doubt but what purpose they are to serve when those rash impulsive drivers speed them away in a 'devil may care' attitude while an old crippled lady stands helplessly for hours on the bus stop?

Let me add to your knowledge that the campaign for these giant size , low floor buses were initiated in order to favour the elderly and crippled citizens. Pedestrians were laid down and there were talks of providing wheel chair service too.

but what is the use of such campaigns and promotions, when the drivers, the very in charge of this running system are ill mannered and ill practiced?

the bus that should be stopped centimeters away to the bus stops is distanced metres away and at times not halted at all. They are sped away mercilessly while a young school child strangles with a foot in air.

It is this inherent disregard for the value of human life , upbringing to various precautions, it is this numbness to everyday chaos that actually holds away the very finger of the bus driver for the door to close and bus runs away.

To top it up , our system puts up a material gloss on its insufficiency and thereby brings momentary false hopes not just to its citizens but also gives a pseudo emerging India picture! The internal diagnosis would reveal how crippled we are in our thinking..no really!!

forget about those unsaid , unselfish acts of kindness, we are unable to even handle our own jobs honestly!

when I see commuters blindfold themselves to this and many such mal practices each day, it instantly crosses my mind as to what purpose is our knowledge serving? 

We are so ignorantly busy in creating a heaven for ourselves without giving a a thought to the fact that what roads are we taking..will it really 'make our world a better place' or would it bring us to a 'hell unknown'?

Peeping in a man's life- what they want !

To start with in my view no one is interested in knowing 'what-men-want'. Neither the men themselves (they are too confused and busy deciphering the needs of opposite gender) nor women (they are too preoccupied with their own needs).
But let me still continue to give you an insight on 'what-i-think-men-may-want'. And am sure there is no need for me to elaborate here the fact that we are not discussing the basic human needs or the character specific demands that are innate and make us who we are- an individual
Our needs and desires differ from one stage of life to another, so here goes my deep observation (yes! it took me some time to ponder over the actions and reactions of all men around me from my father to my friend's boyfriend) of 'what-men-want' or 'do-not-want.


For a boy (man) in his childhood :

• I want to play and play till the day ends. It doesn't matter if that is a knife or a small key, everything is a toy except those dolls.
• Don't ask me to sit at one place
• I don't want to study. Compel me to do that and you are my enemy for life.
• Don't you dare disturb me in between my favourite video/computer game.
• Cricket/football/any other sports makes me ecstatic.
• Don't shower your love in public or even private for that matter specially those 'my-boy-is-so-cute' looks and kisses. 
• Girls are fragile creatures. I love to play with them because they often don't fight or argue.
• Friendship means playing, laughing,jumping around and nothing else.
• Love...whats that?
• I love my mother and the bonding is unexplainable.

For a teenager boy (man) :

• I still love playing but c'mon i can't play with just about everything now.
• Yes, i still hate sitting at one place.
• Studies are a big NO. Computer and maths are my favourite subjects. I HATE biology and social studies.
• Computer/video games are my lifeline, with them i can survive even on a marooned place.
• Cricket/football/any other sports still makes my ecstatic.
• Public display of affection is still not permissible.
• Girls are fragile and beautiful creatures. I love talking to them when i don't have a video game to play.
• Friendship means games, fun,frolic.
• Love means a popular girl who is my girl friend, but my confidante is that girl who lends me the copy or completes my work and patiently listens to me.
• I love my mother, the bond is still the same.

For a 20-30's something man:

• I love playing the game of hearts more than anything now, life comes only once after all.
• Sitting at one place...ummm...let me think?
• studies? phew!! i m almost done with them...thank you lord!
• Girls are beyond my comprehension but they are beautiful , i know i can't do without them for long.
• Friendship means forever
• Love means stability and support.
• I love my mother , she occupies the highest place in my life.
• I want my sister to be the most respectable girl in town so at times i may overprotect her but all because i love her and i know the world is a bad place.
• I love food, that's the best way to my heart.
• Speak and share but not over do the giggling, talking and nagging. That irritates me.
• Its my time to own the world, make money and merry.
• You may be just a friend and i have no soft feelings for you but better don't call me your brother i may not appreciate that.

For a 40 something man and beyond :

• I love leading a quiet ,respectable and sedentary life now.
• I desire stability and support not money.
• My wife should give me good food and listen to me when i speak.
• I am growing old but i want my wife to stay active and beautiful always.
• My daughter is my biggest responsibly, i may not say but i ll feel free only when i get her married.
• I love to see my son grow and achieve what i could not.
• I love my mother still, i want her to be with me forever.
• I would love to correct all the mistakes i did in the past.
• I want to die before my wife because somewhere in my heart i know that there is no one to take care of me the way she does.

I tried my best to cover all aspects of what-men-want although i am aware the a little post cannot do justice to their desires. Each one of us needs LOVE and RESPECT above everything else and when we do something for someone keeping in view this aspect its hard to go wrong :)

On the ending note i am reminded of the lines of a song from the movie 'My fair lady' which goes as :

Well after all, I'm an ordinary man,

Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance, 

to live exactly as he likes, and do precisely what he wants... 

An average man am I, of no eccentric whim, 

Who likes to live his life, free of strife, 

doing whatever he thinks is best, for him, 

Well... just an ordinary man... 

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Grand mom and Me!

I have always preferred the company of those elder to me. Not that I don't gel nicely with youngsters but more often than not it's the elder brigade I ll be found hanging with. And that includes the 'oldies'.The world today talks of generation gap and how it has spread up in our society.I don't deny its existence but I haven't faced or rather felt its existence ever in my life.In my opinion, it's mis-communication rather than communication, ego clashes rather than clashes of thoughts that exist.Generation gap is simply a manifestation of impatience and intolerance.we do not have time today to listen to anything apart from what profits us and tolerate anybody challenging the boundaries of our egos.
My grandmom is coming to Delhi-my home (all my uncles and aunts live in various parts of the country,so she visits each of the places at least once a year) and oh no! it's not the Baghban type scene out here, all her children and grand-children want her to spend time with them so she needs to judiciously divide it between us.And so i passionately await her arrival.Although her stay in Delhi means i need to take out time from my jam-packed schedule to listen to her stories (they include stories of her childhood, my father's childhood, my childhood which I have listened for a hundred times now.Also the new ones as in-who said what, who did what,on her latest trips plus the anxiety of me growing up and marriage etc.(I am still not 20!) and not to forget the stories of tv soaps that she watches religiously).But still I love her.I lie down in her lap and feel her soft protruding tummy, touch her hand, the skin has lost its elasticity with age, comb her golden-white hair.I just love to be around her.
There are times when she says things that irritates me like my marriage or my getting up late on a sunday morning but it never puts me off. (not that I am trying to prove that I am a super-human) but coz of the fact that I love her and loving means respecting her principles and thoughts as much as I do mine.And then there is nothing left to argue or prove my point.
when she gets too hysterical at times and is not ready to see the changes of modernity, i simply hug her and say "aap wo sab chodiye and ye bataiye uss XYZ serial mein aaj kya hua"? and she like an innocent child forgets what she was saying and then another round of stories begins!
What I want to express is that with love and tolerance all problems can be solved by us. Generation gap is just one of them!

BEING ME .....

As I woke up in the middle of the night,

a strange voice caught my sight,

the voice was soft,seeping through the door,

still it pierced my heart deep down to the core.

It spoke about what lay within me,

"appearances are deceptive,

staying true to your own self is the key".

I wished to feel pretty,

I desired to feel loved,

I wished I could sometimes,

be in a world where I stood high and above.

But wishes may be countless,

and creating dreams may be free,

life has greater purposes,

and there is only one chance to be me.

"Being pretty is not what counts" she said,

"neither being above all is greatness,

it's the unsaid acts of kindness,

that make you feel blessed".

I pledged then and there,

to seek goodness everywhere,

I will treat others the way i want to be treated,

I will smile and make everyone else's day better,

I will stand on my morals and ways,

and in the end....

I will be there for my own self always