I walk on a road lush with dreams,
a road of forgotten and veiled dreams,
sometimes slowly, sometimes gaily,
sometimes lost, sometimes profound,
I walk a road of unknown mysteries,
fervently finding my way through the endless path.....

Thursday, October 23, 2014

In health lies happiness.

I remember my younger son Sohail was 3 years old at that time when Meraj, the elder one, had encountered Malaria. Symptoms had started appearing the day he came back home after a “lousy” day at school. 
He had an elevated body temperature and didn't go for evening games. By next morning he was suffering chills and complained of headache. I had a long day ahead with a few presentations to make at a couple of meetings, my preoccupation with its nitty-gritty was intense and I mistook the fever and chills as seasonal change antics. I gave him a concoction and went off to work. 
When I came late at night, he was asleep but his temperature was high. The following day again I suppressed his fever with paracetamols and kept on with my busy schedule. But that night he cried of pain and chills got graver, he vomited too. Next morning, when we took him to the hospital, we came to know that its been half-a week old Malaria that he was suffering from. My initial neglect of his symptoms was visible when doctors admitted him as infection was acute and needed continuous monitoring.
 My husband who was travelling then, immediately came back when he heard about Meraj’s hospitalization. When I explained him his condition, he reprimanded me for negligence. In the following few days, Meraj’s condition worsened and doctors looked sorry. We became frantic and with tears in our eyes almost always, we began making prayers. I got too engrossed with Meraj’s condition and was staying in hospital day and night. I kept asking about Sohail by calling at home, where my mother was looking after him, but wasn't able to attend to him for days in a row. My husband kept chiding me intermittently for the negligence and the delay in diagnosis due to which Meraj was suffering. I only sobbed silently, as his blaming was not entirely misplaced.

 A week later Meraj started showing signs of recovery and the following week he was discharged. A month long ordeal with Malaria had made him severely weak and emaciated. At home, he needed a lot of monitoring with his meals and medication. While I was trying my best to bring about his recovery as early as I could, I began noticing some unwelcome changes in my younger son. He had become irritable, and cried all the time. He was hardly eating anything and would vomit as soon he was made to eat. He also looked pale. I told myself I would be ashamed if my preoccupation with my elder son would be at the cost of my younger son, for both were equally precious to me.

 When Sohail’s symptoms grew weirder, I immediately consulted doctor who confirmed that he was suffering from jaundice. That moment, I still remember was the lowest moment of my life. When my husband came to know about this, he grew worried too. But unlike the time of Meraj’s illness, he didn't burst out immediately. A few days, he didn't even talk to me and when one evening I summoned courage to ask what was wrong with him, he made sit on the dining table and told me that I was not the kind of mother, he would want for his children. Both the children were suffering partly due to my negligence in monitoring them properly. 
My husband was very outright in making clear to me my duties as a mother. This episode left created a gulf between us which took years to fill. I remember how during those days I was constantly in sadness and my husband permanently tense. Gradually, things improved and both the boys were on their feet again. Happiness which had gone away from my home slowly returned with children resuming their playfulness.

 This episode made me realize how central to a successful married life is the health of young children and how the health of young children itself is so fragile. 
They need continuous monitoring and checkups. Their immune system is undeveloped and many a systems in bodies function differently than elders. 
A healthy child is a great boon for the family and so is the importance of keeping our children healthy. 
Above all, a healthy child is the cornerstone of a healthy home, I realized.

Dabur Chyawanprash is known for boosting immunity and helps keep health and happiness intact!
Check out its Official Page here.

This entry has been written for happy hours contest conducted by Indiblogger.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Dear broken heart

Dear broken heart

Nostalgic, I am beginning this letter. Amidst my moist eyes flow the carefree and bygone days of innocent and insensitive childhood.
Ah! You were so strong and lively like April days! Full of warmth, joy and hope. Weren't you? Beaming with positive energy, running like the bright rays of yellow sun. Too delighted to know the subtle nuances of life. Too occupied in your own existence.

But, the rays of this crisp and bright sun slowly yet inevitably began to change direction. Paving their way to noon. When the sun shines violently and piercingly hot! It was puberty time. You jumped into the hormonal rush. This whirlpool of hostile hormones. A few nano-grams of rise in them and love touched you.

That soft, irresistible, maddening touch of love. You lost all control over thyself. Didn't you oh my dear heart? You misunderstood and started believing life to be a bed of red roses- fresh and fragrant and dare I say you were wrong in your assumption, until one fateful day. The day when thorns of the same roses pricked you, deeply and painfully.

How can I forget the first time you broke? When eyes shed tears of turmoil, mind too numb to console you. You fell apart.There was anguish,melancholy,dejection,fury fear, hatred. Feelings seemed to be scattered and toppled over each other.
The agony was immense and intense. The year passed at an average pace and soon April days were back. What happened in between is a tale of tears, woes and hopelessness and you wouldn't want me to repeat the same to you am sure.

So the sunny April returned with a new zeal and hope! You were happy again. Humming tunes of spring and flowers and gay days. Bustling with rejuvenated energy and radiance. Ready to dance again. Ready to LOVE again!
Although somewhere a deep scar had settled which refused to heal yet you moved on.

Some months past and harsh winds of solitude knocked your door again. Chilling you nerves and shaking you all over. You broke again. This time the jolt was even more powerful, the crash louder and pain penetrated deeper.
All hopes of recovering or reinventing happiness were lost. It is the end, mind had said. But was it really?

Oh! my dearest heart I remember every single night you spent crying and wetting the pillow. Sometimes regretting, sometimes shouting and most often sitting in solitude, pondering over what went wrong. I wish I could heal you, treat you! This sickening feeling of lost love is beyond all repair. Except for time. Time is the drug we need. And strangely its about time that you understood it.
This time the scar had grown terribly. Healed only superficially. You now fear rejection and dejection. You can't love boldly but weigh in the hits and misses. You weigh the loses and love seizes to mean everything it did yesterday.

They say why O why have you turned so weak? Almost a coward? Or maybe too selfish to think beyond your own gains?
But my lovely heart, I know and I understand you. I have seen the ups and downs you faced. I feel your scar and the hidden old pain arising out of it. You are not a coward or a selfish little thing. You are vulnerable and wounded. Its almost natural to be your guard and sensible too. Although I know it still my advice may seem a little too unexpected to you. But bear with me, for I only wish the best for you.

DON'T stop loving. You are unguarded and fragile, which makes you worthy of more love. More kisses and more hugs. The risk in thinking selflessly for someone else maybe huge but believe me, thee are so many like you, wishing and waiting for someone who could gallantly face the risk.

And as they say, when you nurse a broken heart, you heal yours too. So isn't this risk worth being taken?  Get up dear heart! Pray, I ask you to walk out of that walled room and face the winter fog bravely and April shall arrive soon. Sooner than you think and when it sees you glow with so much sunshine and love, I bet its here to stay. Stay forever!

Wishing you warmth and affection

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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The price of love.

I have been in love with him since ages, for each time he leaves me in solitude I live a hundred years each day and uncountable memories each night.
They say, every sunset brings a new light but for me, its just another hundred years to survive before a blanket of memories- his memories, our memories traps my soul.

An irony it is! The world moves on so smoothly, unperturbed and nonchalant, while your own life suffocates and breaks every second.
The wind blows at the same pace, people laugh and love, clock ticks, trees grow and hearts beats but for me, my little world exists within. Surrounded by his memory. The words he said, those smiles we shared and an immense pain his absence has bestowed on me.

For some days, there is just numbness and coldness. Frozen and still inner self. And suddenly the volcano erupts! Too strong to be overpowered by a fragile heart. My fragile heart, on which you poked your hurts night and day, consistently and lasting forever...

No matter how hard I try to ventilate my mind, opening the windows of thoughts and emotions for other things, things that mattered and reflected concern once but are now opaque and nonchalant of even themselves. You, precisely anything and everything that has an essence of you, only has the power to hit me, shake me, wake me!

How and when in this saga of my existence did 'you' become such an omnipresent and imposing part? That little by little I see bits of my own self crumbling, shying and dying out and away.
Tired of waiting for you. Too exhausted to fight. Too meager to exist. 
Is this the reason why they call love so overpowering? I am not sure but this reason seems to be true.

I have been over shadowed by this giant called love who gripped me in his comforting hands taking me to the top of the world, high and higher till everything around became far and misty except a gush of cool air and the euphoria of being among the stars. And suddenly, this giant dropped me! Yes, he dropped me and I hit the floor lifeless. My heart lay bleeding, eyes moist , mind so confused and chaotic while my soul almost succumbed to irreparable damage. They were right when they said that 'its not the fall that hurts but its that sudden stop in the end'.
This sudden inevitable stop.
This piercing realization that neither the sky could save me nor did the ground.
And even when I lay on the kiss the floor thrashed like an insect, the giant still over shadows me.

Everything comes with a price. But the price of falling amidst this euphoria called love can't be paid off by mere mortals like me. Not in an entire life. He was right when he said 'love is priceless'. Indeed it is.

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Monday, May 19, 2014

Honey Singh, please DON'T sing!

'Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything'.

When Plato said this about music, I am very sure that he would have ignored/excluded or maybe never heard of the 'rap music' specially those which are a fad now a days!

When I first heard a song by Honey Singh joyously being translated (since he generously tosses Punjabi lyrics in them) and appreciated by a friend of mine, a thought that ran instantly through me was - weren't the likes of 50- cents, Jay Z,Big daddy not enough to pollute the minds of youngsters and rob or rather rap(e) music of its melody and meaning that another one has been born?

Little did I know that three years down the line all I would get to hear on radio stations, college parties, marriage halls and from my younger brother are rape(d) songs of dearest 'yo yo'.
 From brown rang to blue eyes, from dope shope to 4 bottle Vodka this guy has left no stone unturned to clog the tender minds with his 'angreji beats and high heels'.

And what infuriates me the most is how these so called chart busters project the females. They are frequently labelled as bitches, bombs, sex objects, deceivers line after line in almost all his songs while the male counterpart is either as coy and innocent as a newly born child or a famous brat every girl should be familiar with and run behind.
In one of the songs he advices a girl to mix limca with her drink while in other he blames girl's high heels for all the durghatna (mishap) that happens between them.

The intensity with which these songs familiarize listeners with drugs, alcohol, sex, rape and abusive language is extremely alarming. And even more terrifying is the fact that most of the listeners lie between the age group of 10-20 years.
Imagine the kind of impact such kind of songs create on a tender boy of 10? No doubt the parents are worried and upset when they hear their bundle of joy singing songs like '4 bottal vodka kaam mera roz ka' or chanting raps with liberal use of vulgar remarks over women'.

Recently, when I expressed my desire to write on how these seemingly amusing and entertaining songs are contaminating the younger generation, my friend immediately retorted 'how could you dislike Honey singh and his songs? He is so amazing. I totally love all his songs'. On hearing such words from a girl whom I expected to me mature and a sensible citizen, I was completely taken aback.

How could she ignore the fact that her amazing Honey Singh was projecting girls like her as a sex symbol? Was she happy about being labelled as a bomb or a drug addict? Didn't calling her eyes, skin, heels, dress as an aphrodisiac and her as a slut offend her? Or maybe she was too engrossed in swaying and jumping on the beats to notice that she is being outrageously insulted?

Undoubtedly every song of Honey Singh is a hit right way because the ease with which teenagers pick it up and their catchy and foot tapping beats makes it viral among the masses. But not all that glitters is gold.
Just because a song or a singer can connect to the masses and make them feel liberated, it should not be blindly appreciated and enjoyed.
It is our duty to understand and differentiate between good and bad. Our reason gifted minds should be trained to adopt what is fruitful and reject the harmful. Even if it is a mere song! 

I am no one to force my opinions on anyone but for me, a song or singer who cannot respect me or any other woman and tries to hurl abuses at me directly or indirectly can't be called as amusing or amazing!

There is no dearth of constructive and positive entertainment around me. 
No dearth of melodious and peppy music
No dearth of songs that can lift up my spirits and create a sense of freedom within me.
And so there is no reason why I must chose to listen to you Mr. Honey Singh.

Honey Singh

Monday, April 21, 2014

Sense of an ending...

Tears rushed through her lonely eyes
remains of a lost faith
piercing depths of her soul
this eerie sense of an ending

Cracked lips unable to tremble
silent sobs synchronous with beats
flowing like red in her veins
this eerie sense of an ending

A mayhem of incessant voices
murmuring from nowhere to nowhere
wrapping her like a volcano
this eerie sense of an ending

Crawling stealthy breath after breath
conspiring with time and mind
numbing her from toe to head
this eerie sense of an ending

Tightly gripping every muscle
twisted cords of realization and remorse
shaking her reason of existence
this eerie sense of an ending

Attaching firmly beneath her skin
million cells of painful memories
shielding all hope and happiness
this eerie sense of an ending

 Enveloping even her shadow
like the calmness of a night
terminating life moment by moment
this eerie sense of an ending. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Ab ki baar...VOTER LACHAAR (helpless)!!

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify that this post will not resonate well with those who are blind faithful supporters of Modi (BJP) or congress or AAP or any other political party.

voting - democracy-disappointment
'India is the largest democracy in the world' - we have learnt and believed in this since the time we became acquainted with the subject 'social studies' in school. A democracy wherein the leader is chosen 'by the people, for the people and of the people'. 
But now as the 16th Lok Sabha election has already begin I cannot ignore the confusion and helplessness I feel amidst all the tamasha, hullabaloo, mockery and a storm that ironically has arrived ahead of the impending silence and disappointments. 

Being a Delhiite, I am suppose to cast my vote on the 10th of April. Voting is my right, it is suppose to give me not just a sense of power but also satisfaction that yes! I have chosen a leader who will consider my rights and the rights of my fellow countrymen as his prime duty.

And undoubtedly the numerous hoarding costing crores of rupees, loud promises being broadcasted night and day by the print and electronic media drag me to believe in them. They push me to trust that all these leaders are worthy of my vote and my faith.

Then why this confusion? Why do I feel torn between my duty as a citizen of the country and the inner voice which stands disgusted on the very thought of supporting these leaders built on in numerous promises and dreams of prosperity? 

Maybe because the party which promises 'tarakki (progress) and shakti (power) to my hands' failed to do so in the last 5 years. How and why should I trust them again?

Or maybe because a person who promises the 'his sarkar will do chamatkaar' was ruling Gujarat when the riots took place. And I don't say that he was responsible for instigating or promoting them but my fragile heart fears that a man who sat on the throne while some 700 Muslims and 400 Hindus were mercilessly killed and did nothing at all, what am I supposed to expect from him and his sarkar now? 

Curbing corruption has been not just on of our important demands but also the reason why congress failed miserably as a government. And insptie of being wee aware of this fact, the stats have left me completely taken aback. 

'30 per cent of candidates fielded by both parties have criminal charges against them; of them 13 per cent face serious charges like murder and kidnapping.
35 per cent of the BJP's candidates face criminal charges, of them 17 percent are serious charges. Meanwhile, 27 per cent of Congress' candidates face criminal charges, with 10 per cent facing serious charges.'  Source here.

How do these so called progress loving parties expect us to vote and support members who have allegedly murdered someone, looted and robbed us of our hard earned money. And not just one or two but 35% of the total? 
Is this the kind of democracy we live in and proudly associate our self with?

I do not know about others but as a girl who has been taught honesty, values and instilled with morals like 'lying, murdering, cheating are heinous crimes' my mind shudders on the very thought of pressing the button in support of leaders accused of the same.
My conscience abhors the thought of choosing a murderer or a thief to decide how I live, what I see, the college in study in, the jobs I get paid for and all other innumerable aspects of my everyday life and not just mine but the lives of those I love, my family, friends, neighbours etc.

Yet I am expected to vote. It is expected of me to exercise my right and fulfill my duty. 

Is this me playing a part of a respnsible citizen or is it me supporting an irresponsible leader?

will the blue ink bring in a sense of power to me or will it fill my heart with guilt and disgust?

I know not. But all I see is a choice between responsibility and my morals. but aren't the two interconnected? Isn't my responsibility encompassed within the values I uphold? It indeed is.

So what will I be doing on this 10th of April? who shall I support and who shall I reject? 
Is NOT voting the only sensible thing to do? so that later I can at least live guilt free when God forbid another riot takes place in some part of the country killing people like me and the sarkar does nothing to stop it? 
The more I think, the more I feel helpless. A puppet of delusional democracy
Don't you feel the same? If yes, where lies the solution? 

PS : After much thought and weighing a handful options I left with, I decided that I shall vote. And I will vote for someone who is not at least having charges and blames that repel my conscience. No matter what party or person is it. 
And if I feel that there is none worthy of the same, I shall back out. I will not let my hand for the support and encouragement of things that abhor my very soul for the sake of

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Leonardo DiCaprio - the hunk of my dreams!

awesomeness personified!

I was wondering that I so proudly boast my love for Leonardo DiCaprio in every nook and corner of the real and virtual world, be it my blog's about me section (oh! you haven't cared to read it even once? what a shame! minimize this window, open my blog on the other one and READ IT I say and then return back to continue this post!)

back? So you read it! great, lets proceed. So whenever I actually describe myself, I have to blurt out Leo's name some where or the other. That makes me wonder, where should I put his name in my official resume? If you have any idea, be kind and let know pleaseee!

The not so latest 'your Facebook movie' trend ( I know, it flopped) saw my movie featuring Leo more than me. No! not the wall street type Leo. He was a cocaine and 'f'' king in that. In my movie however, he was my prince *blush*

I get more wishes and messages (now whats-apps) on his birthday than I ever got on mine. I mean that's obvious because early in the morning I message people that its my love's birthday (like they care) and some of them are kind enough to reply and some of them are just plain guilty because they had forgotten to wish me on my birthday!

And oh that reminds me that on the Oscar Night (morning in India), my phone buzzed incessantly with Whats apps informing me that Leo lost. Some of them were concerned enough to ask me 'are you fine?'. Oh come onnn! You thought that I am so blinded by louuveee that I expected a 'drug addict wolf' of the wall street to win against Mathew Mcconaughy?  (or whichever way you correctly spell his name :/ )
obviously not! And the jury of academy with their feet in their graves would have never let Leo get an Oscar for roles such as these! yes, they are the Alok Nath's of Hollywood;)
So I am a sensible lover you see *sheepish grin*

OK now enough of honesty. I had started writing this post with an intent to praise Leo to the skies or maybe as high as that 'lemon wala drug' took him in wall street or maybe straight to the heavens like he went after titanic, the quick and the dead and Romeo and Juliet!
So please don't bring in Oscars again and again. They are over for this year and Leo and I have moved on. end of discussion.

 *now tone change*

Leonardo DiCaprio is the greatest actor ever born. (what? this is my post and my blog, kindly bear with the lies and superlatives)
A heart throb, most amazing, astonishing, astounding, awesome, fabulous, miraculous, prodigious,stunning, stupendous, wonderful, unbelievable,extraordinary, phenomenal,sensational, spectacular,notable,outstanding, remarkable; impressive, smashing, mind-blowing + boggling + blinding (wait! does such a word even exist? I guess not but then love blinds every organ of the body so I will keep it) attractive, enchanting,enthralling actor ever!

What are you marveling at now, Leo's attributes or my vocabulary? whatever it be, both have been created by me :P

I have a million and more reasons why I completely and madly love Di Caprio. But PDA is so not my kinda thing! which is way I will just share 5 reasons (that may interest you too or if they don't, ACT interested at least on my blog) down here. So here we go

1. He played the character of Jack Dawson with such panache that absolutely no one could or would EVER be able to surpass! I mean, the love in his eyes, 'you jump,I jump' and the way he sacrifices his plank for that stupid, confused girl. You tell me, will you sacrifice your life if you were in place of him? And that too for Kate Winslet? Although she considers him the best actor of his generation but still?!

2. Apart from the acting talent and the skill of changing girl friends once in a week month year, he has been an active wildlife and nature conservationist.

3. I really love him for saying things like "I prefer ordinary girls - you know, college students, waitresses, that sort of thing. Most of the girls I go out with are just good friends. Just because I go out to the cinema with a girl, it doesn't mean we are dating." keeps my hope so much alive! :D

4. The academy has been constantly disappointing him and his fans but still he puts up with a brave face and keeps coming up with such wonderful movies consistently and that too of the kinds which Academy would never approve of (remember I told you about the Alok Nath's? ). 
This clearly show, he is amazingly talented and not 'dying' or 'acting' for Oscars.

5. His voice- I am madly in love with his voice. It just keeps ringing and murmuring in my ears. 

And if you aren't convinced yet then I present to you a song written by a Dutch- girl band K3 called 'Leonardo DiCaprio I love you'. Read the translation here

There can't be a better tribute of love to this great actor. And the second best tribute? well you just read it :P 

Sunday, March 2, 2014

"let's live our story"

They were sitting in an open ground facing the tall, illuminated buildings far away. She had always admired this weather, night and the flickering stars. The night sky was full of them, shimmering brightly and telling her dreams and those lesser known mysteries of life. Moon was never a sight of her attraction, maybe that's why it stayed away and appeared 'crescent'.

 She could feel him sitting quietly besides her,could clearly sense him eying her but she dared not look at him. ' 'He', who was just like those stars- so known yet a mystery.

"Try as much as you want, forgetting me isn't possible for you"! he suddenly broke off the soft silence.
She turned to him,almost unprepared for it and their eyes met, only a fraction and she was quick to alter her gaze.

"Remembering you does no good either" ! she was quick to retaliate.

"not everything in life is absolute. Stop being so judgmental"

"I am not! I simply cant accept all the greys under the pretext of being liberal". said she.

"To me, it sounds unreal and too perfect to be true". he remarked pensively.

She was taken aback, like a thief who has been held guilty. He looked at her. She looked innocent even in those moments of disappointments. For him her every word, every gesture, even the way she blinked was a sight of ecstasy!

He smiled a knowing smile and said 'see this is working out. Its making sense'

'but how? I need to submit it tomorrow and there is so much more to be completed' she spoke distressingly.

'umm..lets see! I think the lady need to be more vocal'
'but girls are supposed to be shy and silent, no?' she queered.

'haha, silent girls are a rarity now! look at yourself? he vainly tried to hide the mischievous smile and moved closer, making her feel the distances melting away.

"so what can be done" she spoke distractedly.
His presence had always aced her heart beats and today particularly she was finding it very difficult to let her self not go astray.

"we can start afresh and who knows your story might take up a new turn" he winked.

"afresh? are you serious?" her voice now validated how badly she wanted to give up.

"lets live our story"

she looked up in apprehension, he gave her his hand. Looking straight in her eyes with a gaze she couldn't resist, her heart beating uncontrollably and her thought spitting away, drowning in those eyes, leaving everything behind.

'the dance scene?' he whispered.

They swayed in silence for hours, stars watching them curiously.

They danced without music yet their beats synchronized each step. They spoke nothing yet she knew 'the best story was being written between them, right now'!

PS : I don't know if this post makes any sense. However I was just trying to end a story on a happy note at least for once. So this is my first story with a happy ending, apparently :P