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I walk on a road lush with dreams,
a road of forgotten and veiled dreams,
sometimes slowly, sometimes gaily,
sometimes lost, sometimes profound,
I walk a road of unknown mysteries,
fervently finding my way through the endless path.....
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Thursday, October 23, 2014

In health lies happiness.


I remember my younger son Sohail was 3 years old at that time when Meraj, the elder one, had encountered Malaria. Symptoms had started appearing the day he came back home after a “lousy” day at school. 
He had an elevated body temperature and didn't go for evening games. By next morning he was suffering chills and complained of headache. I had a long day ahead with a few presentations to make at a couple of meetings, my preoccupation with its nitty-gritty was intense and I mistook the fever and chills as seasonal change antics. I gave him a concoction and went off to work. 
When I came late at night, he was asleep but his temperature was high. The following day again I suppressed his fever with paracetamols and kept on with my busy schedule. But that night he cried of pain and chills got graver, he vomited too. Next morning, when we took him to the hospital, we came to know that its been half-a week old Malaria that he was suffering from. My initial neglect of his symptoms was visible when doctors admitted him as infection was acute and needed continuous monitoring.
 My husband who was travelling then, immediately came back when he heard about Meraj’s hospitalization. When I explained him his condition, he reprimanded me for negligence. In the following few days, Meraj’s condition worsened and doctors looked sorry. We became frantic and with tears in our eyes almost always, we began making prayers. I got too engrossed with Meraj’s condition and was staying in hospital day and night. I kept asking about Sohail by calling at home, where my mother was looking after him, but wasn't able to attend to him for days in a row. My husband kept chiding me intermittently for the negligence and the delay in diagnosis due to which Meraj was suffering. I only sobbed silently, as his blaming was not entirely misplaced.

 A week later Meraj started showing signs of recovery and the following week he was discharged. A month long ordeal with Malaria had made him severely weak and emaciated. At home, he needed a lot of monitoring with his meals and medication. While I was trying my best to bring about his recovery as early as I could, I began noticing some unwelcome changes in my younger son. He had become irritable, and cried all the time. He was hardly eating anything and would vomit as soon he was made to eat. He also looked pale. I told myself I would be ashamed if my preoccupation with my elder son would be at the cost of my younger son, for both were equally precious to me.

 When Sohail’s symptoms grew weirder, I immediately consulted doctor who confirmed that he was suffering from jaundice. That moment, I still remember was the lowest moment of my life. When my husband came to know about this, he grew worried too. But unlike the time of Meraj’s illness, he didn't burst out immediately. A few days, he didn't even talk to me and when one evening I summoned courage to ask what was wrong with him, he made sit on the dining table and told me that I was not the kind of mother, he would want for his children. Both the children were suffering partly due to my negligence in monitoring them properly. 
My husband was very outright in making clear to me my duties as a mother. This episode left created a gulf between us which took years to fill. I remember how during those days I was constantly in sadness and my husband permanently tense. Gradually, things improved and both the boys were on their feet again. Happiness which had gone away from my home slowly returned with children resuming their playfulness.

 This episode made me realize how central to a successful married life is the health of young children and how the health of young children itself is so fragile. 
They need continuous monitoring and checkups. Their immune system is undeveloped and many a systems in bodies function differently than elders. 
A healthy child is a great boon for the family and so is the importance of keeping our children healthy. 
Above all, a healthy child is the cornerstone of a healthy home, I realized.

Dabur Chyawanprash is known for boosting immunity and helps keep health and happiness intact!
Check out its Official Page here.

This entry has been written for happy hours contest conducted by Indiblogger.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

No 'mercy' in killing!


Hippocrates, who is known as the father of medicine says in the famous 'Hippocratic Oath'- "I will give no deadly medicine to any one if asked, nor suggest any such counsel".

It is lawfully compulsory on every student of medicine to take this oath before he/she gets certified to become a registered medical practitioner.
This very clearly and explicitly shows that Euthanasia in its very basic sense in an act not morally lawful.


Euthanasia originated from the Greek word for "good death". It is the act or practice of ending the life of a person either by lethal injection or the suspension of medical treatment. Because of this, many view euthanasia as simply bringing relief by alleviating pain and suffering. Popularly known as 'Mercy Killing' around the world.
But whether intentional or accidental, killing someone just because he has been suffering or under torture can never be justified.
Medical science has been growing every minute by leaps and bounds.What is incurable today could be treated successfully tomorrow.
In such a scenario, Euthanasia to me appears nothing more than a blind folded pessimism.
As far as economic and psychological burden faced by the family and relatives of patient is concerned  I wonder if the value of someone's life would decrease if he is crippled or diseased?
Besides, God and nature can never bestow us with pain or suffering which is beyond ones endurance. Had this been a case, existence was next to impossible. No matter how trivial our breaths be or how fragile the beats of heart, the very fact that we are alive is proof enough that we ARE capable of carrying the burden the functions performed by various cells and organs. That our body has NOT given up yet and it is trying its best.So can forcing it to stop in between be justified as ethical or legal?
Legalizing euthanasia in the name of mercy and dignity is equivalent to glorifying murder and suicides!
It is against society, against humanitarianism and nothing more than a retrogressive and pessimistic approach to cater issues of medical science.
Even the most diseased condition (give what so ever pathological name you may to it) cannot mar our souls. For it still upholds its vitality and liveliness. 

The existence which you call meaningless is actually striving hard each moment to breath, to beat and to live. An act of dignity, an act of insurmountable courage and optimism.
power and blessing to that soul.
Let it thrive.



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

For better, for worse....!!!


We live in a country where 'love' and 'marriage' are considered two issues poles apart. While marriage is considered to be a family affair, love is still looked down upon as an act of misdeed. And it is due to this disparity that 'love' and 'arrange' marriage hold a debatable position in the Indian society.
Now everyone can have a different understanding of the two so before proceeding to provide reason and opinions firstly I would like to define them.

A love marriage according to me is the one in which individuals themselves choose their life partner which means that the decision is purely a personal one and often not acceptable to the respective families. The reasons for which may vary from differences in caste/religion to social status.

On the other hand in an arranged marriage its the parents who decide the person their son/daughter would get married to. So in this case the individuals may or may not have known each other earlier but the families are consenting and mutually agreeing to connect.

'Love-cum-arranged' is a pleasant amalgamation of the two and in my opinion can be a very successful event owing to mutual understanding of all those involved. The debate we have here is however,between 'love' and 'arrange'.

Now the basic point is- in an arranged marriage all decisions are collectively discussed in contrast to love marriage where individuals decide their future. A collective opinion coming from more experienced members of both families definitely holds better chances of survival and success than an individual one.

Moving ahead, we all know that marriage is a bond of lifetime (at least in a country like India) but no one can spend their entire life being dependant on a single person no matter how much you love him/her. We all need relation and support of other people and not just the spouse to lead a truly happy and satisfactory life. Which is usually missing in a love marriage at least in the initial years.

Moreover, in case of any clashes or friction between the couple, which is inevitable they have their elders and naturally wiser people of the family to guide and advice in the arrange marriage set-up which tends to save them from a lot of problems.

No doubt that in love marriage the bride and groom have known each other from a certain time span and there is trust and understating but they also have 'pre-built' hopes and expectations of their better half.
On the contrary in arrange marriage the two individuals can only 'presume' that the decision taken by their elders is a good one. So after marriage when things begin to get 'real' and attributes like tolerance and patience give a back seat to love, expectations begin to tear apart. The individuals begin to feel 'this is not the person I decided to marry' . That's when love marriage attains an extremely vulnerable position and a series of ego clashes and disappointments may crop up.

In arrange marriage too the disappointments and ego clashes can occur but the blame automatically is forced on the 'deciding elders' and 'destiny' rather than the spouse which saves the situation to a great extent. Also the two individuals try and overlook a lot of differences knowing well that it takes time to develop understanding and healthy frequency between to newly met people.

There also is a sense of insecurity and added responsibility in case of love marriage as the burden of all blames and accountability of all actions is totally singular.
In arranged one, the blame and accusations seems to be a collective fault since the decision was a collective one.
Another point favouring arranged marriage is something called the 'initial spark' which develops after the couples get to know each other and gradually tend to get familiar. Each day is a surprise and mystery since you are in process of discovering your partner.

In love marriage however the initial spark goes missing and marriage comes as a point where the time for mushy romance is spaced up for mundane responsibilities, although the sense of security and trust maybe much more in this case the missing spark does make it appear bland and monotonous.

Belonging to a family where arrange marriages out do love marriages in number, I have seen them to be immensely successful and blissful. You should trust that your parents can never take decision that's not in the best of your interests. And since both the individuals realize that now they have been tied for a lifetime so the rights and duties somehow find a place even before love comes into picture which only strengthens the bond of admiration and respect in future.

As for those who feel that how can the most important decision of 'who I would spend my life with me decided by others' I'd say - life is game of chance rather than choices and those big and small chances that we take each day makes this experience a marvelously exciting and magically enchanting one !!

PS : The above opinions are strictly personal. I am not against love marriages but would prefer an arranged one over them. The bottom line however is, that for any relation to be successful and long lasting mutual understanding and trust marks the first step follwed by love and patience.
PS 2 : While exploring google image search I found this image particularly amusing ;)


To explore more on 'Love ya arrange' follow the facebook link here.

Friday, June 1, 2012

uff ye shaadi ;(

In our country, as soon as a girl bids farewell to her teenage she inadvertently welcomes a huge trouble for herself. A problem that will change her life for the better, no bitter.OK! I am not very sure for what!

Yes, you prompted it correct in your mind ( so no prizes for guessing) - She has unwilling/unfortunately/unconsciously been transformed into a 'potential marriage material'.
From distant relatives to D-block wali Dadi (assuming you reside in say,Z-block) every one's prime concern seems to be your doli ka uthna or mandap ka sajna!

And its your own 'mother' who has been constructing the tallest dreams. Taller than Burj Khalifa in Dubai!
But the trouble arises when she starts realizing that her dreams so tall, are made of trump cards ready to not just be blown but put on fire by her very own 'aaj kal ke zamaane ki beti'.

She can apply nail polish with newton's accuracy at mechanics but breaking an egg gives her jitters.
Her mascara never dares to smudge off but her cupboard is a mess. The skirts shiver to touch her knees and cell-phone is her soul-mate. She has neither seen the face of the kitchen nor the morning sun!


But mom ain't any gullible creature so that's when she decides to grab her most tried and tested tool. NO! its not the chimta (tongs) or karchul( ladle) anymore. C'mon they are so passe ( I doubt if they even exist in kitchen now a days). Its the 'verbal bullets' humbly known as 'taane'.

"sasurral mein jaake mobile hi chalana"
"saas aag laga degi inn skirts ko"
'tumhari shakal dekh kar pati ka peit nahi bhar jaega"  
ye make-up thop lene se zindagi nahi kat ti"

 Now, excuse me for the lack of space (and what fun in repeating things which you yourself hear almost everyday ;) )

So what I wonder is how can our beloved mothers predict such a grievous future of ours?
And Since they have already forecasted it how do they expect us to become a perfect 'marriage material' after listening to such horrifying stories?
Had they narrated us the 'Cindrella and snow white' tales they did when we are kids we might as well have tried to co-operate in their scheme of plans. Don't they remember how eagerly we wanted to get married then?
But the situation seems more 'real' now. And I ought to be petrified!
So your Burj Dubai dreams need to be seriously tackled mom. Where is the matchbox I ask?! 

Friday, September 16, 2011

Of 'BAI-S' and 'BYES' !!!

As I step into my house after a monotonous yet exhaustive day at college, my mother yells " you kids live in your own fantasy lands/nobody cares as to how the house is running/can't even pick up your own clothes/when I was of your age I took care of the whole house while my mother simply sat in a corner and instructed! Plus a special one specially thrown on me - what will you do in your sasural/get out of the illusion that your mom-in-law will cook for you!"
And the moment my ears vibrate to such a noise I instantly knows that 'our dear maid is on leave today'!!

In today's era when each one of us is so terribly bounded by time which ticks at a lightening speed, interdependency on 'helpers' comes natural. In fact they are our lifelines much the same way as Internet and cell phones. And going by the ever increasing demands our 'bai-s' happen to be one of the most dominating people of our society today. 

At times I seriously wonder if we medicos or engineers or bankers play a role as pivotal as these women clad in suits with a bun do?
And so our dear bai-s come up with their own set of demands and pay packages.
They need a holiday on a Sunday plus an additional off every two weeks never hurts HER (it does ruin my weekend though) when a shopping plan is murdered brutally as my mom drags me verbally to the kitchen!

Last week our bai turned up after a long 4 days holiday(it seems much longer to me for obvious reasons) and on being interrogated told that she had a marriage to attend tomorrow! Imagine being away from work 4 days prior to 'neighbour's marriage'..am sure you can't afford it even in your wildest dreams but she is our Bai. She definitely can!

To top it up the lady wanted a brand new sari, to which my mom agreed almost instantly (poor thing she got no choice) and I was red with rage. c'mon I wore an old sari even for my farewell, now isnt this pure bias?!

Not only this she comes every day to work with a fresh gajra in her bun teemed up with matching earrings and bags. Needless to say she has a cell phone too!

Coming to the resignation rules,our dear bai has none! I mean she can resign any day, any hour and at any instant. For reasons which vary from exceeding workload to bizarre ones of not being offered tea and snacks in the evening!
One of our neighbours maid quit the job because their little 4 year old kid spilled milk on her. I dearly sympathize with him going by the serious trauma that innocent soul would have faced from her mother after this lady left in cold blood.

Well ,enough of sulking now ( but believe me that sari thing really hurt). 
I am seriously planning to do some part time course in 'being-bai' because the future seems to be more secure and lavish with that degree now-a-days. And by the way, when I told my mom about this idea all she had to say was 'beta, today is a Sunday, go wash the utensils' !

P.S : Our maid owns a Nokia N-97! I am NOT exaggerating, I swear!  :P


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

haiku challenge day-16



sees the portrait hung
remembering you dear mother
I write this haiku


PS : kindly read my post one love..one time??? NAAH!!! and provide me with ur valuable feedbacks. thanks so much :)



written for the

Thursday, February 3, 2011

haiku challenge - day 3


Lap of pure love
heaven lies under her feet
God bless my mother.







written for the