Dear broken heart

Dear broken heart

Nostalgic, I am beginning this letter. Amidst my moist eyes flow the carefree and bygone days of innocent and insensitive childhood.
Ah! You were so strong and lively like April days! Full of warmth, joy and hope. Weren't you? Beaming with positive energy, running like the bright rays of yellow sun. Too delighted to know the subtle nuances of life. Too occupied in your own existence.

But, the rays of this crisp and bright sun slowly yet inevitably began to change direction. Paving their way to noon. When the sun shines violently and piercingly hot! It was puberty time. You jumped into the hormonal rush. This whirlpool of hostile hormones. A few nano-grams of rise in them and love touched you.

That soft, irresistible, maddening touch of love. You lost all control over thyself. Didn't you oh my dear heart? You misunderstood and started believing life to be a bed of red roses- fresh and fragrant and dare I say you were wrong in your assumption, until one fateful day. The day when thorns of the same roses pricked you, deeply and painfully.

How can I forget the first time you broke? When eyes shed tears of turmoil, mind too numb to console you. You fell apart.There was anguish,melancholy,dejection,fury fear, hatred. Feelings seemed to be scattered and toppled over each other.
The agony was immense and intense. The year passed at an average pace and soon April days were back. What happened in between is a tale of tears, woes and hopelessness and you wouldn't want me to repeat the same to you am sure.

So the sunny April returned with a new zeal and hope! You were happy again. Humming tunes of spring and flowers and gay days. Bustling with rejuvenated energy and radiance. Ready to dance again. Ready to LOVE again!
Although somewhere a deep scar had settled which refused to heal yet you moved on.

Some months past and harsh winds of solitude knocked your door again. Chilling you nerves and shaking you all over. You broke again. This time the jolt was even more powerful, the crash louder and pain penetrated deeper.
All hopes of recovering or reinventing happiness were lost. It is the end, mind had said. But was it really?

Oh! my dearest heart I remember every single night you spent crying and wetting the pillow. Sometimes regretting, sometimes shouting and most often sitting in solitude, pondering over what went wrong. I wish I could heal you, treat you! This sickening feeling of lost love is beyond all repair. Except for time. Time is the drug we need. And strangely its about time that you understood it.
This time the scar had grown terribly. Healed only superficially. You now fear rejection and dejection. You can't love boldly but weigh in the hits and misses. You weigh the loses and love seizes to mean everything it did yesterday.

They say why O why have you turned so weak? Almost a coward? Or maybe too selfish to think beyond your own gains?
But my lovely heart, I know and I understand you. I have seen the ups and downs you faced. I feel your scar and the hidden old pain arising out of it. You are not a coward or a selfish little thing. You are vulnerable and wounded. Its almost natural to be your guard and sensible too. Although I know it still my advice may seem a little too unexpected to you. But bear with me, for I only wish the best for you.

DON'T stop loving. You are unguarded and fragile, which makes you worthy of more love. More kisses and more hugs. The risk in thinking selflessly for someone else maybe huge but believe me, thee are so many like you, wishing and waiting for someone who could gallantly face the risk.

And as they say, when you nurse a broken heart, you heal yours too. So isn't this risk worth being taken?  Get up dear heart! Pray, I ask you to walk out of that walled room and face the winter fog bravely and April shall arrive soon. Sooner than you think and when it sees you glow with so much sunshine and love, I bet its here to stay. Stay forever!

Wishing you warmth and affection
Me

Liked this post? Join me on Facebook to get updates on latest posts, food for thought, excerpts from famous books, conversations and more! Click HERE and like my page. 

A letter to you- Expectations!

Dear Expectations
The wall clock ticks to show it’s around 3a.m. I sit in my room with no signs of sleep. My favourite author’s book lies besides me. Untouched. I have important assignments to complete and deadlines to meet but right now my mind is a cacophony of thoughts. They have no end. They don’t seem to subside or straighten out.

You have left me alone and dizzy again. I am try to figure out why do you creep into relations? In between people who are leading an independent, happy life?
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
 How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you. 
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me. 
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.

In need of you, no more
ME

                                                                                                     

A letter to my Physiology book!

Dear Physiology book,

Its exam time again and you of all people are in the most cheerful of spirits seeing me shower unadulterated attention on you. What care you of my 'necrotic' spirit? Unabashedly grinning and 'expanding' each day.

Now don't make that innocent face and blame anatomy for it, you are no less! An equal partner in crime, horrendously murdering my pink winter days with your glands and hormones. Were you so interested in copying (coz I know originality isn't your forte baby) who had stopped you from burrowing the lyrics of latest 'kolaveri di'? At least we poor student would have managed to pass in glee!

But no, you talkative fellow! Explaining every minute thing in such huge paras to give even Shakespeare a complex.

Had the poor fellow been alive, he would have definitely remarked on your actions like 'Bill Gates did on Steve job's'!

If anatomy is soporific, you are 'somnambolic' and those complicated diagrams send jitters to my nerves and muscles. I curiously wonder how can you boast of containing 'some 500 diagrams' when each of it depresses my heat beat to 60/min and BP to 90/70?

I can bet on my life that pathology got invented only after we students altered our 'own physiology' listening to your crap in exam time!

And your stubbornness, lord God! why do you bother if I let Vitamin. D cause Beri-Beri instead of Rickets? For God's sake its all 'unofficial' on paper work, don't mistake me as a qualified doctor yet!

I know you are a terribly frustrated, no -nonsense person like my own teachers but kindly don't take my mistakes to 'heart' and develop 'angina pectoris' on every single error of mine.

As the world would welcome the new year, I would sit in my room humming 'cardiovascular and central nervous' songs for you but let me tell you this wont last long. So better start packing your bags and accepting me as I accept you.

For this is an eye-for-eye thing, ruin my 'sensations and functions' and I will ruin yours!

And listen, don't forget to take Anatomy with you! 

yours un- 'hormone'-iously 

               ME :-(

A letter to my Anatomy book!

Dear Anatomy book,

How are you? Rather I should inquire how are you enjoying the excess attention being poured upon you now a days? Aglowing at your astute job..isn't it? Don't smile, this won't last long! Now, that you have been dusted off and opened , will you please explain me why on earth are you so complicated? They very sight of you is so tortuous and tiring?!

Can't those so-called accomplished writers use a more comprehensible language? something that is lucid and interesting. To give an example . We all know where stomach lies in our body, don't we? One could simply say that it lies in the left in the abdominal region but when you say that stomach lies 'obliquely in the upper and left part of abdomen, occupying epigastric, umbilical and left hypochondriac region' are you expecting me to consent with it? Your fondness to entangle terms to present definitions which undefine all my logics and makes my head sway!

The moment I sit down to study, I realize that the only quality possessed by you is your soporific effect. That's what works best on me at least! And those depressing diagrams, you should have consulted a better artist in my opinion, they look so ugly and shapeless, I wish I could have dissected my college cadaver to show you the REAL 'work of art'!

If I were on my own, I'd file a complain against you and your moronic writers for robbing and corrupting the Latin language. If gall bladder is known as it is, who on earth gifted you the right to mention sphincter of Gall bladder as 'choledochus' ? Damn! you are so confused every single time, in every single line ! alternating English with Latin and Latin with Roman as if it were your engagement rings!

Do you have even a grain of consideration for the poor students? We are struggling already with physiology and bio chem, our partners and their tantrums and you the unsympathetic selfish book pile up on the study table make our life's more miserable?

Remember one thing.. you and I are never meant to be together, I would rather commit myself to 'dawgs' than to you!

And please stop buttering my gullible teachers, they seem to speak and understand only the language that you speak! I need to pass and I wrote this letter for that very purpose, am ready to grin and bear it for a while but you need to adjust too.

And If you try to act smart I will humiliate you as bad as those examiners do us in the vivas. Guess, that's a warning good enough.

yours unfortunately and unwillingly

(with a bone in hand)

  ME:(