I walk on a road lush with dreams,
a road of forgotten and veiled dreams,
sometimes slowly, sometimes gaily,
sometimes lost, sometimes profound,
I walk a road of unknown mysteries,
fervently finding my way through the endless path.....

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

ONE love..ONE time?? NAAH!!

LOVE - something that has been riveting man's attention since eternity , what exactly does it mean?
The dictionary defines love as...Wait! Is it ever possible to have an all-satisfactory and absolute definition of love? NO!

Then how can we confine an emotion so prodigious to a mere one-time happening? And if you believe that 'true love' is not just a 'mere' one time happening but a long lasting, one-time bond let me clarify my point further.

Suppose I give you a huge cake, so big that you cannot estimate it in numerals ( Love).

Now, I cut an ample portion of it for the first time (maybe your first love) and let you relish it. After a while (since I am being too generous today) I treat you with another portion of it, this time a very very large one. Then, when are done with gaily/greedily gobbling it up, I let you have a third piece( something which you call as infatuation or unreal love) a little smaller than the second one though. 

now, does this mean that there is no cake left now? or can you debate over the fact that whatever I gave you on the first and third instance was not a cake (love) or real cake (true love) ?

Having explained why there is nothing called as ture love, my second point is 'how do one conclude that true love happens only once' ? I hope you won't deny the fact that its with some wisdom and in-numerous experience that we eventually convince ourselves  on the 'reality of real one-time love'. right?
but again the point remains can an emotion so tremendous be defined on the parameters like 'true' or 'fake' or 'real' or 'not-so-real'? It can be shallow or short lived, momentous or forlorn , deep or divine, infatuation or crush but it has to EXIST in all such incidences and experiences of yours. then how come 'just one love in a l-o-n-g life'?

The truth is that " love is too large and equally deep to be understood or measured in a limited frame of mind or a jaundiced eye which categorizes it in any form" .

Now coming to the 'science of love'. We have an emotional center called the limbic center in the brain. A small almond shaped part called amygdala of this limbic system is responsible for releasing hormones(mainly sex hormones) and is the REAL CUPID if I may (Scientifically) call it. 

The only disparity lies in the fact that its been scientifically proven that these hormones release and resort a numerous time in every humans life.  So something which people believe as 'love' is basically a gush of these hormones. In case of  love (the one which people believe to be true) maybe it causes greater and more forceful gush of the same hormones. But this high sexocorticoid release HAS TO subside after a while
because our body's metabolism CANNOT cope up with such high hormonal activity 24x7x n years! Its just not possible!

We need to understand that the 'feeling of love maybe unbounded, but our capacity to love is limited'. - M .scott peck
Having said my mind I would end this discussion with an Urdu couplet ( written by me)

na mehdood kar mohabbat ko sach-jhooth ke paimaane mein
ye to hawa hai, har simt parwaaz karti hai

( don't confine/restrict love on the basis of truth or lie
its omnipresent like the flowing/flying winds )

This post has been published as a part of THE GREAT DEBATERS Topic: IS FALLING IN LOVE A ONE TIME AFFAIR ; the first edition of the Bloggers Debate; If you like this post then FAVE it here and read other entries as well. The Great Debaters at Blogjunta


  1. Hey, Hi
    well, i do agree that there may not be just one true love in a lifetime, but rather i would say, its not a piece of the same cake that you give, it is of different flavours. so, we may not completely like one flavour as much as the other, but we still know how it tastes...
    Nice thought though...

    The Silhouette...

  2. na mehdood kar mohabbat ko sach-jhooth ke paimaane mein
    ye to hawa hai, har simt parwaaz karti hai

    Wah wah, loved reading it and its better than mine :)

  3. Totally disagree with the science of love explanation, its nt that simple!

    Consider for instance , love of relations, family members , then what explanation does that have?

    Eagerly waiting fr ur explanation :D :D

  4. They say it takes one fifth of a sec to fall in love....great read.

  5. @ EON - I do acknowledge what u say but what i was trying to show is that Love is ONE entity (a cake here) and not different each time. as for the flavours, that can be a different view point. although i tried to express it (flavour part) in quantities becoz it wasnt feasible for me to say that one cake has varied flavours. hope u understnd. thnks for ur lovely feedback :)

    @ muddassir - It is very gracious of u to say that..ur appreciation is quite motivating as always. thnks :) and u liked the sher? me happy :D !

  6. Nice read.U have your own way of thinking.

  7. @ asad - totally disagree? haawww! ;(
    but i knew this Question was let me try n explain! It might not be as simple as i expressed it but the complexity lies in the process of brain to 'categorize' the relations we have. once done with it, the hormones (sexocorticids) aren't released in response to our relations which u talked about. (maybe a lil release may occur but our brain and body knows how to interpret and transmit the signals.)
    its only in the case of 'romantic love' that amygdala causes gush of the hormones (mainly due to physical attractions) and gives birth to ROMANTIC LOVE.
    but it HAS TO subside as i reasoned it out! hope i am able to convince u :P did i?

    @ alka - so true! thnks for ur appreciation!

    @ jagdish -thnks a lot! I would have loved to hear 'ur' perspective too :) welcome!

  8. I never believed love happens only once, i have always believed in one love at a time.

    very intelligent discussion sarah.

  9. Sarah...they say falling in love is once in a life time affair. Because they may be satisfied with the first part of your cake :))) And science may support this source of satisfaction too. :)

    Hence, we are in one concept that "Falling in love is a not a one time affair." Good write up:)

  10. dats a nice xplanation...n very convincing too....despite dat id like to think contrary :)
    n a sweet couplet at d end.
    gud luck :)

  11. loved the comparison with a cake.. i agree we won't say that we don't want cake after relishing couple of pieces.. it needs time.. after having 2-3pieces we take a break and eat again.. same concept in love.. bingo.. hi fii... even i think the same :)

    Nice post!!

  12. @ trisha- thats something even i advocate. thnks for the appreciation :)

    @P-kay - since love can't be defined so the ways of understanding in ca't be the same for everyone too! nehow, thnks for ur comment, glad u liked it. welcome to my blog! :)

    @ prateek - thnk u so much!

  13. @ sadiya - i was about to ask u for giving ur feedbacks on this post of mine. so happy that u r convinced..when someone from the opposite school of thoughts says that it means a lot :)

    @ varsha - thnks a lot!!

  14. Ah ,, finally some one shares my view ,, only if people stop talking of love being just one time feeling .. the others love as much and as true ..

  15. Sarah, this is a nice write up.. You have done a great job, nice points & facts.. But I strongly feel that Falling in Love is once a lifetime feeling..

    Someone is Special

  16. @ ladynimue - agree with u..most of the people start interpreting and understanding love..which makes it more confusing and bound. thnks for dropping by :)

    @ SIS - thts completely alright! but glad u liked it atleast :)

  17. I guess we are confusing love with infatuations here.. True love ceratinly exists. It is just a matter of time when you actually fall into it to realize its beauty and credibility :)

  18. loved the post though I believe what I said earlier and I believe from bottom of my heart that love is not just a gush of hormone; its deeper than that.

  19. sarah, I like the points and that is applicable for most of the people in this world but for people like me.. Hmmm, thanks for all the smiles because your facts are amazing..

    :-) Someone is Special

  20. @ Gv- yes, love exists...And its too deep to be categorized in any way. thts my belief...ur point of view taken in too :) welcome to d blog!

    @ pratibha - science defines it that way...but yes psychologically things may change a lil..nehow, that was just to prove my point :) glad u liked the post!

    @ SIS - :) its ok! u can have ur own view points..after all life is all about differences in opinions! thnks

  21. Sarah, Happy you won.. I know you will that's why voted for you.. Hmmm, Smiles.. Well deserved win.. Enjoy..

    Someone is Special

  22. SIS - thats so so sweet of u to say that :) thnks for the support and appreciation , debating was fun. and congos once again to u too. keep writing :))

  23. am new to this blog,well after reading all the comments above , in my experience i feel the first time you fall in love with a serious relationship to commit for life, and it breaks off due to some other reason and not the person u love..... it is not possible to fall in love again with another one the same way excatly like the first one...the depth of feelings wouldn't be the same.Its like taste of the first fresh cup of coffee compared to taste of reheating it again to drint.The first time you make coffee and drink is truely first !

  24. @ Anonymous - u should have read d post too i'd say :D
    neither r two persons alike ( ur 1st and 2nd time love) nor do u remain a same person all ur life. So things r bound to intensity and interpretation too. But that doesnt mean u that once fallen out of love..u cannot fall in love again.
    I have seen people who felt that their 2nd or maybe subsequent relationship were more maturer, strong and high on love quotient then first.
    See humans define love in various shades like crushes, lusts, admiration etc. My main point was - 'y categorize them at all? LOve is love..whatever names u give it r secondary and man-made'!
    convinced ? :)

  25. i agree with u than one need not categorise love as first or second.. or any other way may be to put in different words.. when ever it happens to a person wether 1st or 2nd.. when it happens, which is felt strong and mature with high love quotient..(for which i use the word true love).and u lose it then ,suffer with pain to forget it for many yrs, can it happen again to you, would you make the same mistake of doing it again letting your heart lose knowing the consequences from previous experience.?
    Can u give the same place to the other person in ur heart? am a pratical person ,i learn from my past events in my life and wouldn't want to get in to deep intensities as i don't want to go through the same suffering again.

  26. i open to more discussion if your interested...
    since i find ur arguments vey meaninful ..if there is anything i could learn which am ignorant off i would be happy to!

  27. I dont mind discussing, but this happens to be an endless loop u see! each of us have different perspectives based on our own experiences and thought process.So nobody can be labelled as 'wrong' per se.
    And its true that we humans try and avoid the past sufferings to the best of our abilities but u cant also deny the fact that a little love makes us ready to break all those walls and be able to love again:)
    Its the law of nature that goes on this way, and no matter how practical or careful u r..u wil always end up falling in its upto u as to how much u wanna give and get out of it!

    PS : y anonymous?

  28. its true what u said ... i've been trying hard consciously to do so but.. not able to bad luck .i am able to go midway somewhere.. but i still long for the same depth i experienced earlier.infact i think it also depends on ur spouse..
    anyways thanks for your comments

  29. @ anonymous - I'd share one of my fav quotes by Paulo coelho here - 'suffering occurs wen we want other people to love us in the way v imagine v want to be loved and not in the way love shud manifest itself - free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on' :)
    tk cre..good luck!