Dear Expectations
The wall clock ticks to show it’s around 3a.m. I sit in my room with no signs of sleep. My favourite author’s book lies besides me. Untouched. I have important assignments to complete and deadlines to meet but right now my mind is a cacophony of thoughts. They have no end. They don’t seem to subside or straighten out.
You have left me alone and dizzy again. I am try to figure out why do you creep into relations? In between people who are leading an independent, happy life?
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you.
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me.
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.
In need of you, no more
ME
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you.
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me.
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.
In need of you, no more
ME
I guess leading a independent life is anytime better :) relations, entanglements, you just have to walk over them. After a certain point nothing else(other than you) matters.
ReplyDeleteThere are bigger and better things for all of us to do. And not getting our hopes up is one of them ;) nicely expressed :)
Cheers,
oh yes, in the end you have to get up and go on...thts is the actual truth of life! thnks :)
Deletewe all learn some lessons frm life,mine had been not to expect anything gud from ne one and to expect nething bad from neone..its easier said than done bt im trying,take care.
ReplyDeleteam trying the same...lets see what happens!
Deletethnks for reading:)
Expect the expectations to get over at expected time.
ReplyDeleteWeakest LINK
haha..well said! long time btw..good to have you on the blog, i will hop to yours soon...long time i read fellow bloggers :)
DeleteWohoo..amazing.. right words with the right blend of emotions.. By God you've grown up :)
ReplyDeletereally...have I? uff, these exams made me mature beyond my age..should be happy or sad abt it? :P thks anyways :D
DeleteNow this is the kind of post you actually read TWICE. Expectations, oh dear! You have so rightly expressed how it is our expectations that bring us down... No matter how hard we try, but the more bonds we form, the bigger our expectations get. Kinda inevitable, really. Great work!
ReplyDeleteSana.
expectations never leave u alone...a post tat everyone can relate to...rightly expressed...expectations reduce us to nothingness and still push us way too much to test ourselves...nice work sarah...:)
ReplyDeleteI think its just human nature. No one asks you to expect, but you just fall into the pit and start expecting. Sometimes a hell lot! Could really relate to this post!!
ReplyDeleteZyada expectation mat rakho, just a bit, say 12.356 % :p
ReplyDelete