I walk on a road lush with dreams,
a road of forgotten and veiled dreams,
sometimes slowly, sometimes gaily,
sometimes lost, sometimes profound,
I walk a road of unknown mysteries,
fervently finding my way through the endless path.....

Thursday, March 5, 2015

The end of a tunnel...

Life is an amalgamation of uncountable moments. Some are forgotten and tugged beneath the winds of time while others are released slowly from our memories, dead and unimportant. However, a handful of them dominate the zillion others and they truly make an impression. Not just on our minds but also on our souls. These moments stand by you forever, ever ready to be remembered, to be played on and re- winded.

As I sit immersed in nostalgia holding a mug of coffee with both hands I am suddenly travelling along this impressionable moment back from my school days. It’s been almost 5 years now but whenever I encounter a wave of despair, I find myself immediately travelling to the year 2010. 

The year of utter hopelessness, disappointments, failures and just about everything that can pull you down. Low. Where there is nothing. Nothing except darkness, depth and dirt. Where begins life and where it meets its end. Ironical, isn't it?

 So I lay there, almost the whole of 2010. But by the time I entered the spring of next year, I was blooming. Blooming and brimming, with optimism. Just like that. The kind of optimism that continues to grow in me even now. You ask me how?

I will begin this story again.

It was in May that this realization dawned completely upon me. I had not been able to clear a single pre-medical test in spite of wasting an year doing rounds of coaching centers , madly turning the pages of over a fifty different books and burning the midnight oil each night.
 I felt I had reached a dead end. 
There was no way out. 
Until now I had believed in the dictum that ‘God never tests us beyond our capabilities’ but I had exhausted all my capabilities and God continued to test me. Fail me. Disappoint me.

 I used to cry every single night. Sometimes a silent sob, on other nights a loud animal wail. Praying to God to guide me. To magically let me fly through the end of this dark tunnel. 
No answers.

Then one day I chanced upon a story of a man whose wife had left him for another man and how he was taking care of his four kids and bearing the pain of this ditching lover. 
I read other story of a girl fighting OCD and an irresistible urge to cut and let herself bleed. Another, of a woman abandoned by her only son. 
Next, of a girl brutally raped by her husband. 
Another, then another.
That day I read almost a 100 stories of people suffering. Of people in despair and depression. In the middle of their own dark tunnels, fighting for a way out.

Suddenly my trouble seemed so meaningless and stupid. 
“Failing to clear a PMT, that’s all you've got?” I could hear my conscience ask me. 
I simply shrugged. Suddenly, I was able to see light! Yes! I could see a plethora of new avenues, new professions waiting to welcome me. 
I could feel the zeal to start afresh. I could feel optimism rushing through my blood.
This feeling of clearing an exam of hardships meant much more than clearing a meager medical test. I was exhilarated with a burst of positive energy.

It took a long year of ‘being nothing’ to be able to rise to a new morning of optimism. My moment of optimism. 

Now I truly believe that these moments of optimism are like the sun, they keep illuminating us and instilling this confidence that if we could survive it back then, why not today?

I am writing this piece in hope that maybe someone, somewhere needs to identify his moment of optimism today and this shall provide a much needed push. 
So you can shrug your problems off and bask in the glory of warm light that await you at the end of your tunnel. 
Good luck and much love!

Look up is making an effort to bring optimism into the world. Do check their page

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