Dear broken heart

Dear broken heart

Nostalgic, I am beginning this letter. Amidst my moist eyes flow the carefree and bygone days of innocent and insensitive childhood.
Ah! You were so strong and lively like April days! Full of warmth, joy and hope. Weren't you? Beaming with positive energy, running like the bright rays of yellow sun. Too delighted to know the subtle nuances of life. Too occupied in your own existence.

But, the rays of this crisp and bright sun slowly yet inevitably began to change direction. Paving their way to noon. When the sun shines violently and piercingly hot! It was puberty time. You jumped into the hormonal rush. This whirlpool of hostile hormones. A few nano-grams of rise in them and love touched you.

That soft, irresistible, maddening touch of love. You lost all control over thyself. Didn't you oh my dear heart? You misunderstood and started believing life to be a bed of red roses- fresh and fragrant and dare I say you were wrong in your assumption, until one fateful day. The day when thorns of the same roses pricked you, deeply and painfully.

How can I forget the first time you broke? When eyes shed tears of turmoil, mind too numb to console you. You fell apart.There was anguish,melancholy,dejection,fury fear, hatred. Feelings seemed to be scattered and toppled over each other.
The agony was immense and intense. The year passed at an average pace and soon April days were back. What happened in between is a tale of tears, woes and hopelessness and you wouldn't want me to repeat the same to you am sure.

So the sunny April returned with a new zeal and hope! You were happy again. Humming tunes of spring and flowers and gay days. Bustling with rejuvenated energy and radiance. Ready to dance again. Ready to LOVE again!
Although somewhere a deep scar had settled which refused to heal yet you moved on.

Some months past and harsh winds of solitude knocked your door again. Chilling you nerves and shaking you all over. You broke again. This time the jolt was even more powerful, the crash louder and pain penetrated deeper.
All hopes of recovering or reinventing happiness were lost. It is the end, mind had said. But was it really?

Oh! my dearest heart I remember every single night you spent crying and wetting the pillow. Sometimes regretting, sometimes shouting and most often sitting in solitude, pondering over what went wrong. I wish I could heal you, treat you! This sickening feeling of lost love is beyond all repair. Except for time. Time is the drug we need. And strangely its about time that you understood it.
This time the scar had grown terribly. Healed only superficially. You now fear rejection and dejection. You can't love boldly but weigh in the hits and misses. You weigh the loses and love seizes to mean everything it did yesterday.

They say why O why have you turned so weak? Almost a coward? Or maybe too selfish to think beyond your own gains?
But my lovely heart, I know and I understand you. I have seen the ups and downs you faced. I feel your scar and the hidden old pain arising out of it. You are not a coward or a selfish little thing. You are vulnerable and wounded. Its almost natural to be your guard and sensible too. Although I know it still my advice may seem a little too unexpected to you. But bear with me, for I only wish the best for you.

DON'T stop loving. You are unguarded and fragile, which makes you worthy of more love. More kisses and more hugs. The risk in thinking selflessly for someone else maybe huge but believe me, thee are so many like you, wishing and waiting for someone who could gallantly face the risk.

And as they say, when you nurse a broken heart, you heal yours too. So isn't this risk worth being taken?  Get up dear heart! Pray, I ask you to walk out of that walled room and face the winter fog bravely and April shall arrive soon. Sooner than you think and when it sees you glow with so much sunshine and love, I bet its here to stay. Stay forever!

Wishing you warmth and affection
Me

Liked this post? Join me on Facebook to get updates on latest posts, food for thought, excerpts from famous books, conversations and more! Click HERE and like my page. 

If only...A mother's regret

If only....I sit in the court of law with only these words ringing in my mind. There are endless tears. Tears of remorse, tears of failure. Failure to be a good mother. Failing to see and understand the innumerable warning signs that my child's progressing disorder gave me.

The only reason for my smile,my 16 year old boy Abhay stands in the trial box today.
Abhay has AUTISM. Yes, I accept it today. But If only....I had visualized and accepted it earlier things would have been so different.

When Abhay was born on 23rd September 1996, our happiness knew no bounds. After a series of miscarriages he was my first 'live' child and nothing less than a miracle for me.
As days passed, it was him my life revolved around. His every movement, each smile and cry, those little gestures, I awaited for them impatiently. For him I lived and he lived in me.

Everything was perfect EXCEPT that Abhay as a little baby almost never smiled. He never reciprocated gestures of love like hugs or touch and made almost no baby sounds.
I noticed it. Noticed these SIGNS everyday but IGNORED.

At the age of 2, my dear boy Abhay avoided any conversation. Whatever little words like 'maa' and 'papa' he had learned, he seemed to be forgetting using those too.He made no eye contacts.

While other babies of his age laughed,chatted and played he sat on his bed or cot silently.
I noticed this too and got worried. But my ignorance took the better of me and dismissed it as 'mere shyness' of my sweet boy.

When at 4 years. Abhay joined school, I was happy and hopeful of him becoming 'normal' and 'cooperative' but things never got better. On the contrary he developed a strange obsession for 'tin cans'.
He would collect them from everywhere and arrange them up in rows, piling them on one another.
I could very well sense his behaviour as rather 'inappropriate' but my love, my blind love dismissed this too as my kids 'new hobby'.

Infact I started buying him cans. I woulds get them for him and he would silently retire to his room and sit for hours piling and re-piling them.

At 10, he was facing major problems at school and almost everyone could sense there was something wrong with his attitude, except me. Once when his teacher called me to discuss important matters regarding my child's progress I IGNORED the meeting for I hated to hear anyone call my little bundle of joy as 'abnormal' and 'mad'.

I chose a private tuition as the solution. Mrs. Riya was a wise lady.
 She WARNED me several times about Abhay's behaviour and that his avoiding eye contacts, his reclusive attitude and decreasing grades at school all very clearly suggested 'Autism'.
But blame me, my blind, ignorant, selfish love- I IGNORED this clear and red line sign too! Asking Mrs. Riya to leave then and there.

And as she had warned, thing never got better. My child never laughed or played with me. Never behaved like an adolescent would.

Now at 16 after changing innumerable schools and hearing the children of his age pass rude and cruel taunts with no therapy or medical treatment Abhay's condition progressed to a new phase.
He had developed a violent and criminal frenzy.
And as a doting mother I was still unable to decipher those SIGNS.  If only....I had realized them even at this stage, I could have saved my child's future.

The judge's loud gavel bang broke my reverie. And I heard the unbelievable words reach my ears - 

'After listening and hearing to all the witnesses this court has come up with the decision that juvenile criminal ABHAY GUPTA, 16 years has brutally murdered his classmate on 21st August. He is awarded an imprisonment of 3 years along with rehabilitation and education.The court is adjourned for the day.'

I listened in regret more than disbelief as the court passed its judgement. My little boy Abhay was behind the bars today. My ignorance has cost him his future.I stood there like a complete loser. A helpless woman who destroyed her family.
 If only I had realized that loving my child doesn't mean over looking the imperfections.
And not taken for granted the warning signs that lay before my eyes each day, each moment, in all his gestures and actions.

If only.....

MORAL : Our strength can also become our greatest weaknesses and vice versa if not rationally channelized.
'Continuing to believe in a lie is a lot easier then accepting the truth' but one should learn to be vigilant and accept the realities no matter how harsh and painful.


Friends, the early signs of almost all diseases are the most important yet easily neglected ones. Don't be ignorant and read on to know more about them.
This post is written as a part of 'The moral of the story is...' contest by Colgate and Indiblogger.
To know more about how to keep teeth healthy and avoiding troubles check My healthy speak blog.

Birthdays and celebrations....

The only good part about birthdays according to me are the in numerous calls and greetings. Unfortunately, with facebook colonizing our lives and minds this part too seems to be lost. Now all we see are mere half hearted 'wishes on the wall'!

Birthdays never excite me. Never got the feeling that this was 'my day' or anything remotely special. Not because I am traumatized by the thought of growing old but for a simple reason that what exactly be considered special in a day which comes again and again in each one of our lives? 
OK, you might defend me by saying that it marks our arrival into this world, in the lives of people around who consider you special yet I have my own beliefs which drag me to the other side.

This year however it was slightly different. As soon as the clock stuck 12, there was this episode of calls and wishes which lasted till 1.30 a.m.
As I hit my bed, pretty tired and 'least' excited sleep was no where in sight. Usually its my habit whenever sleep eludes me on a night I either sit up with my diary and pen, scribbling and rambling or if am too tired I simply lie down and introspect on mysterious paths of life. I chose the latter on this day too. My mind was conspiring with my heart of how to feel special about growing up or rather 'the day'.

It was quarter to 4 now and suddenly a thought hit me. (yes, such are the occasions when this phrase exactly fits in coz sometimes certain thought literally 'hit you up' !)

 I realized that our birthday is the only day which is FIXED yet TRANSIENT in our lives. Fixed not because it comes each year (all dates do) but fixed for it will always be a benchmark of all that I learn and become. Like a ray, with a fixed beginning but no ending
.
 And transient for it makes me realize that age IS time. It comes and goes and never comes back again. We can never so accurately and fairly take account of time and age as can we do on this day- our birthday.

It may sound contradictory to some. It may also appear as bickering to some.
But for me I don't celebrate my growing up instead I celebrate the fixed and the transient moments embedded in this day.

What do you celebrate on/about your birthday? Do let me know! :)

'Tryst with a night'

This is not the first time that I sit under the open sky admiring its vastness. Stars like dew on delicate petals attract me ever since I learnt to recite 

'Twinkle, twinkle little star

how I wonder what you are

up above the world so high

like a diamond in the sky'

Back then and even today I genuinely wonder what they are? Keeping aside the elaborate and complex explanations presented in the physics textbooks, that's not alluring in the least!

I visualize them through the depth of my eyes and the window of my soul. I trust them more than the complicated and ever changing theories of physics. However it still is a mystery. A mystery that unfolds every night. Night after night.

To me its a different world. A world so serene, a world so secure. Why can't the stars and the mushy breeze stay with me, within me forever?

They say that after every night comes a bright day but it never sounds pleasing to me.Instead I want to be blanketed in the laps of this night. Caressed by the winds and protected by the sky.

This tryst with the night is ever so beautiful, so fascinating and so mysterious.

Plunging into the colossal sky I experience freedom and let my mind wander with those mysteries. hugging them tight.

Walking over the known and the unknown together is a passion infinitely pleasurable.

Gossiping into the ear of night those little words of joy and sorrow, the turmoils of the sun.

I have trusted this tryst with innumerable songs. The soft winds press upon me kisses so enchanting that I touch the divine and the divine swathes me.

PS - Written on one such night....this tryst continues till the suns ray breaks my reverie....

Social networking- our lives

Remember your recent trip to Goa or the get together with old pals last week? Your first kiss where you kissed again and again until the camera accepted it as 'worthy of being shared'? Your kids first birthday or your 15th marriage anniversary? Whats that one thing which remains common on all such occasions?

The one and only, the show stealer (literally!) - thy 'camera' *applause*

Each one of us lives either inside our Facebook and twitter profiles today or the phone inbox and whats app messengers. Sharing every gulp of water, every beat of our heart,each step we take and all moves we make has now become a subconscious action or to put it more bluntly, an obsession, a compulsion!

We fail to pay attention to what happens right before our eyes because updating the latest 'nail paint' colour seems more important.

Its been ages that one saw a sunset or a sunrise (rainbows are confined only to books anyways) because tweeting a random PJ is a priority.

But in the vicinity of all these updates flashing out at a lightening speed, a question worth pondering exists. That is - 'WHO REALLY CARES'

Who cares whether you are in Goa or in your bedroom? whether it was your 15th or 25th anniversary? how old is your kid or of what shape was his birthday cake? your nail paint colour..blah...blah!

of course YOU do care and a few, very few others who genuinely are interested in you ( I dare say, your nail paint colour) .

And the next, even more potent issue is - are those real, blissful moments of your life worth only a few 10s or 100s of 'likes' and vague comments like nice, awesome, fab, amazing, love or <3, wow , 'Epic'?
ERR!! I hope not! :/

Then WHY (why for Mark Zuckerberg's sake!) are we so keen on 're-taking' our first kiss, going in for picture perfect make-up, flashing the most camera friendly (fake) smiles instead of 'living' the moment and letting the happiness seep in?

Frankly speaking the concept of facebook appears to me to as nothing but a vast room where each one of us is shouting every single personal detail about themselves, least bothered to hear or pay attention to what others have to say. Why are we then so fascinated to be a part of this selfish and moronic world?

This reminds me of an Urdu couplet by Allama Iqbal

'hai dil ke liye maut machin'on ki hukumat

ehsaas-e-murawwat ko kuchal dete hai alaat'

( Rule of machines is death to our hearts

They are weapons which destroy all feelings and emotions)

Truly, technology is nothing but a double edged sword. It can let you be the master but all the same time it has a power to kill you too. And we all know that such a sword can never rule without harming the master.
have we reached the stage of self destruction or have we not?

Do not Google this...ASK YOURSELF!!

A letter to you- Expectations!

Dear Expectations
The wall clock ticks to show it’s around 3a.m. I sit in my room with no signs of sleep. My favourite author’s book lies besides me. Untouched. I have important assignments to complete and deadlines to meet but right now my mind is a cacophony of thoughts. They have no end. They don’t seem to subside or straighten out.

You have left me alone and dizzy again. I am try to figure out why do you creep into relations? In between people who are leading an independent, happy life?
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
 How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you. 
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me. 
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.

In need of you, no more
ME

                                                                                                     

For better, for worse....!!!

We live in a country where 'love' and 'marriage' are considered two issues poles apart. While marriage is considered to be a family affair, love is still looked down upon as an act of misdeed. And it is due to this disparity that 'love' and 'arrange' marriage hold a debatable position in the Indian society.
Now everyone can have a different understanding of the two so before proceeding to provide reason and opinions firstly I would like to define them.

A love marriage according to me is the one in which individuals themselves choose their life partner which means that the decision is purely a personal one and often not acceptable to the respective families. The reasons for which may vary from differences in caste/religion to social status.

On the other hand in an arranged marriage its the parents who decide the person their son/daughter would get married to. So in this case the individuals may or may not have known each other earlier but the families are consenting and mutually agreeing to connect.

'Love-cum-arranged' is a pleasant amalgamation of the two and in my opinion can be a very successful event owing to mutual understanding of all those involved. The debate we have here is however,between 'love' and 'arrange'.

Now the basic point is- in an arranged marriage all decisions are collectively discussed in contrast to love marriage where individuals decide their future. A collective opinion coming from more experienced members of both families definitely holds better chances of survival and success than an individual one.

Moving ahead, we all know that marriage is a bond of lifetime (at least in a country like India) but no one can spend their entire life being dependant on a single person no matter how much you love him/her. We all need relation and support of other people and not just the spouse to lead a truly happy and satisfactory life. Which is usually missing in a love marriage at least in the initial years.

Moreover, in case of any clashes or friction between the couple, which is inevitable they have their elders and naturally wiser people of the family to guide and advice in the arrange marriage set-up which tends to save them from a lot of problems.

No doubt that in love marriage the bride and groom have known each other from a certain time span and there is trust and understating but they also have 'pre-built' hopes and expectations of their better half.
On the contrary in arrange marriage the two individuals can only 'presume' that the decision taken by their elders is a good one. So after marriage when things begin to get 'real' and attributes like tolerance and patience give a back seat to love, expectations begin to tear apart. The individuals begin to feel 'this is not the person I decided to marry' . That's when love marriage attains an extremely vulnerable position and a series of ego clashes and disappointments may crop up.

In arrange marriage too the disappointments and ego clashes can occur but the blame automatically is forced on the 'deciding elders' and 'destiny' rather than the spouse which saves the situation to a great extent. Also the two individuals try and overlook a lot of differences knowing well that it takes time to develop understanding and healthy frequency between to newly met people.

There also is a sense of insecurity and added responsibility in case of love marriage as the burden of all blames and accountability of all actions is totally singular.
In arranged one, the blame and accusations seems to be a collective fault since the decision was a collective one.
Another point favouring arranged marriage is something called the 'initial spark' which develops after the couples get to know each other and gradually tend to get familiar. Each day is a surprise and mystery since you are in process of discovering your partner.

In love marriage however the initial spark goes missing and marriage comes as a point where the time for mushy romance is spaced up for mundane responsibilities, although the sense of security and trust maybe much more in this case the missing spark does make it appear bland and monotonous.

Belonging to a family where arrange marriages out do love marriages in number, I have seen them to be immensely successful and blissful. You should trust that your parents can never take decision that's not in the best of your interests. And since both the individuals realize that now they have been tied for a lifetime so the rights and duties somehow find a place even before love comes into picture which only strengthens the bond of admiration and respect in future.

As for those who feel that how can the most important decision of 'who I would spend my life with me decided by others' I'd say - life is game of chance rather than choices and those big and small chances that we take each day makes this experience a marvelously exciting and magically enchanting one !!

PS : The above opinions are strictly personal. I am not against love marriages but would prefer an arranged one over them. The bottom line however is, that for any relation to be successful and long lasting mutual understanding and trust marks the first step follwed by love and patience.
PS 2 : While exploring google image search I found this image particularly amusing ;)

To explore more on 'Love ya arrange' follow the facebook link here.

I play with love !!

 Hide and seek. Seek and hide. A game that me and love have been playing right from the time I met it.

Some people count in 'love' as a game in itself but for me it has always been a fellow player.

A tough, ardent and possessive player.

Like most games that start from fun, frolic and tend to get dirty and intense, the players too somehow shift from being friendly to malignant. What began as a healthy competition turns into a cut-throat revenge.

Ours too has its highs and lows.

I do accept that I have been mostly on the 'hiding' side, trying my best to find a cave or curtain solitary enough to let love not find me.

Atleast not so easily.

Atleast not so quickly.

But as I said, the game gets uglier and love deceives me with his ways to catch hold of me, clutching tightly.

After all, when everything is fair for love, rules don't make much of a difference to..do they?

I dutifully accept my defeat and begin my search of 'him', the fellow player.

He is smart and his ways are unpredictable I tell u.

He hides so deep and deeper within that I am unable to track down even the shadow of it.

Days and months pass. I am able to search him not.

Neither can I give up, for its a game of life now.

And then , after million tries I finally decided to let go, to accept my defeat. I surrender finally.

Sit and reflect on my stupidity.

Promising to never play with it again. Never ever.

And suddenly, it emerges again persuading me for a new game, a new battle, a new hope- that I might win this time. Just this first and final time.

I seek again. I lose again.

but I play again.....Cunning love. Chimeric me.

uff ye shaadi ;(

In our country, as soon as a girl bids farewell to her teenage she inadvertently welcomes a huge trouble for herself. A problem that will change her life for the better, no bitter.OK! I am not very sure for what!

Yes, you prompted it correct in your mind ( so no prizes for guessing) - She has unwilling/unfortunately/unconsciously been transformed into a 'potential marriage material'.

From distant relatives to D-block wali Dadi (assuming you reside in say,Z-block) every one's prime concern seems to be your doli ka uthna or mandap ka sajna!

And its your own 'mother' who has been constructing the tallest dreams. Taller than Burj Khalifa in Dubai!

But the trouble arises when she starts realizing that her dreams so tall, are made of trump cards ready to not just be blown but put on fire by her very own 'aaj kal ke zamaane ki beti'.

She can apply nail polish with newton's accuracy at mechanics but breaking an egg gives her jitters.

Her mascara never dares to smudge off but her cupboard is a mess. The skirts shiver to touch her knees and cell-phone is her soul-mate. She has neither seen the face of the kitchen nor the morning sun!

But mom ain't any gullible creature so that's when she decides to grab her most tried and tested tool. NO! its not the chimta (tongs) or karchul( ladle) anymore. C'mon they are so passe ( I doubt if they even exist in kitchen now a days). Its the 'verbal bullets' humbly known as 'taane'.

"sasurral mein jaake mobile hi chalana"

"saas aag laga degi inn skirts ko"

'tumhari shakal dekh kar pati ka peit nahi bhar jaega"  

ye make-up thop lene se zindagi nahi kat ti"

 Now, excuse me for the lack of space (and what fun in repeating things which you yourself hear almost everyday ;) )

So what I wonder is how can our beloved mothers predict such a grievous future of ours?

And Since they have already forecasted it how do they expect us to become a perfect 'marriage material' after listening to such horrifying stories?

Had they narrated us the 'Cindrella and snow white' tales they did when we are kids we might as well have tried to co-operate in their scheme of plans. Don't they remember how eagerly we wanted to get married then?

But the situation seems more 'real' now. And I ought to be petrified!

So your Burj Dubai dreams need to be seriously tackled mom. Where is the matchbox I ask?! 

No 'contacts' pleaseee !!

Disclaimer : A mindless post. You might end up feeling exasperated. So read at your own risk ;)

The day I bought my very first pair of contact lenses on the occasion of my cousins marriage, I felt no less than a Cinderella who has just been dressed up for the grand party by the plump fairy (read ophthalmologist, who was equally plump) !

Having been wearing spectacles from the age of 11, contact lenses did come as a breeze of cool wind in the month of may.

Back home, I 'throned' the box with utmost care in the drawer and waited for the day as much as the bride herself.

Finally, on the day of marriage, I sat eyeing the mirror with my hands clean, nails cut ( like an obedient toddler on the first day as school) and opening my eyes wide began inserting the concave transparent thing.

 But contact lenses aren't that friendly and humble creatures you see.They are stubborn. Very stubborn. In fact calling then merely stubborn will be an understatement. They are unfriendly, irritating, extremely moody and green eyed like your cunning classmate at college.

Once, twice, thrice, I tried and toiled with all my will to make peace only to find myself failing each time, with my eyes watering even more profusely and Alas! like a loose cannon it fell down only to be gobbled up by the white marble floor.

An hour later, I was at the marriage ceremony looking almost a mess and of course with my dear spectacles accompanying me.

That was when I swore never to get into the Cinderella avatar again.

School ended and college began. And in spite of being in a medical college, it was rather astonishing to see absolutely no one wearing the glasses.

But peer pressure got the better of me and here I was again sitting and struggling with this moody irritating fellow ( After all promises and resolutions are meant to be broken).

Even today, we have after days of bitter fights and then spectacles come to my rescue. 

But with practice and patience, I have learned the art of keeping my chin up and tackle the transparent chap with all my tact.

That's what life is all about, after all. isn't it? 

The 'pimple prescription' !!!

Its pimples that bring me back to my blog today!

 I know, some of you might be praying that 'Oh God..zap that painful pustule off her face so that we don't have to bear the pain of reading her' while others (those who wish well) would send in a prayer to the heaven to get me rid of this red spot ASAP! either ways..its my benefit ;)

So coming back to the tale! Well, to be very frank I usually pay not much attention to such things as pimples. I am not blessed with a spotless, glowing skin but its normally fine with a pimple or two popping up (just at the time of some party or meet-up). We all know how it is :-/

A few weeks ago however there happened to be an usual and un-welcoming arrival of these pesky spots in dozens. I was a little horrified :O but after a day, that feeling subsided and the optimist and devil may care attitude in me rejuvenated!

Yet all of it is no good when 4 of your friends pester you every 5 minutes to consult a skin specialist just because its not fair that someone like me should have such an out pour of pimples ( I got no clue WHAT is that suppose to mean) :-s

Anyhow they finally convinced me to the clinic and I went on the same day to a famous skin institute in south Delhi area. After paying Rs.200 as consultation fee I sat in the waiting area for like 10minutes before being called in finally.

Me - hi doctor! *told her my problem*

Doc - hmmm...Ye hormonal problem hai you see (Like I or any other person today isn't aware of it)

she then continued - Here get these blood tests done - 1,2,3,4... from a GOOD lab

use this face wash

a tablet

another tablet

a day cream

another day cream (now, how am I suppose to apply 2 day creams on the SAME day? )

a night cream

a shampoo

Plus avoid butter,chocolates,tea,coffee,chips,cold drinks and the list went on!

she wrote her prescription like a shopping list or maybe she was competing with the number of pimples I had on my face. I looked at her utterly confused and swore to NOT return back after 10 days!

And it was only later that I realized the prescription would have costed me around 2000 bucks for 10 days with hardly any relief coz there happens to be 'no miracle cure for pimples' and every sane person knows it! Plus, its not JUST about the money but also that the creams and tabs prescribed work only to suppress the pimples and its only temporary.

After coming back home obviously the sad and useless demise of my 200 bucks was killing me from inside so I decided to use the 'desi totkas'. And as expected, they DID wonders and why wouldn't they? For the creams and gels boast to use extracts of the same 'natural herbs'.
Sounds logical? To me it does!!

Its a climb....

I know people change. Change so subtly that is takes days to believe the existence of something that was imperceptible before.

I know people turn their back.I have seen them hiding their faces like the evening sun which dips ever so slowly somewhere in the horizon and darkens all that's around, while you stand patiently for the dingy light to be thrust upon.

I know people back stab.I have felt them poking those incessant punches on me like the merciless winds in a vast, hot, sandy desert which away extracts all moisture and vitality and depresses one deep in the restless sand.

I know it because life blessed me with relations and thrust upon me the intricacies of dealing with people. People who promised to never change and relations which were as sturdy as huge mountains. But nothing can change the nature of change for it has to change!

And its no more surprising yet an irony as to how the most toughest of glasses shatter easily. Promises that define our being, are our strengths and hope dissolve as soon as we lean onto them perfectly.

I know it because I have leaned onto such promises completely and in a few moments there was a loud thud. so loud that it lost its audibility maybe. For nobody heard anything. But I know it because I felt the silence.

A missing part.

A dissolved promise. 

A dead relation.

Its at times surprising as to how relations build up. The sweetness tends to be dissolved in innumerable and never ending expectations. 

Expectations that climb a ladder of shattering hopes and broken promises.The trouble is we cant do much about it. Its spontaneous. No matter how tough you appear to be, you are bound to expect and be disappointed in return. I know it coz I have had my share of shattered hopes and expectations.

And not just for once but innumerable times.

I wont label my life as one of extraordinary pain or change but yes, I can proudly say that I have had my share till now. No wonder there is more to come. For the pages of destiny cant go blank.They have been filled with an ink that outlines my life. The fact is that I don't have a choice , neither does life have, we both are being played upon by something superior. For 

"he who makes my woes for me

will think about my woes

my brooding over them would be

a greater woe than those" :)