The Paradox.

 The working of nature is paradoxical.
Universal yet so unique.
Defy each other on one hand and connect on the other.
They are determinative yet absolute.
They remain revealed yet so mysterious....just like our relations...

When two people meet, little do they know what their entwined destinies hold in for them.
It usually unfolds to elements unexpected and surprising. The ones which seem to have lasted forever, leave too soon and those who are supposed to part ways on the very next turn, walk along a lifetime.
 The path maybe any but a relation, specially the strong ones bring in their share of sorrows and disappointments. Not that they don't bring in joys and pleasures but when you falls back on the memories, the darker hues somehow are more eye catching and heart wrenching!

Sufferings are inevitable. Inevitable and necessary.
Necessary for growth, necessary for acclimatisation- within and without.
If a sapling wouldn't live through the hardships, the sun and the rain, will a strong and sturdy tree ever be able to exist?
If a child isn't taken out of the house, will he be ever able to rise as a responsible and sensible adult?
We all know this yet we forget.
We forget that even our relations follow a similar path. If it won't suffer, it won't grow and things which cease to grow, die. They can't breathe or see or feel.

But suffer how long or how much? Aren't our relations meant to bring us peace and love?
Why not better be alone when all you are greeted with is a gift of suffering?

Suffering in the form of longings, expectations and dependency .
Why this terrible need of loving being loved, being heard and needed back?
Why these never ending array of expectations?

And while you read it, you will wonder why am I so confused. Agreeing and denying my own words. But that's how our minds work too. Paradox. We create and destroy. Believe and disbelieve. Praise and ridicule.Love and hate.Remember and forget.

Everything is interconnected. Interconnected yet so disintegrated.

How do we explain it? Is it like the good comes with bad? or it is that without light there is no dark? Is it like without night our days cannot be completed? or it is like without death our life would be meaningless? 

All I can see is contrast all around. 
Not shades of grey but white and black all around.

A real catch- 22 situation to be in! Do you visualize it too or does it remains unseen?  

paradox again!

Not just today.....

Its not today that you left me

a long time has passed

memories and memoirs have faded

in the ocean of life, big and vast.

Its not today that I cried

hiding myself in the dark

sobs and tears are a familiar part

and cuts that leave a mark.

Its not today that I pasted an empty smile

for the fake world to see

all they know is a happy girl

who cares what's going inside me.

Its not today that I tried to let go

all that life bestowed

in the form of sufferings and pain

and hurdles on the road.

Its not today that I accepted

what life presented to me

you and I were different people

and were never meant to be 'we'.

Its not today that I heard 'let go and move on'

from folks to whom it matters not

time can never be a healer

but a mere illusionary guard.

Social networking- our lives

Remember your recent trip to Goa or the get together with old pals last week? Your first kiss where you kissed again and again until the camera accepted it as 'worthy of being shared'? Your kids first birthday or your 15th marriage anniversary? Whats that one thing which remains common on all such occasions?

The one and only, the show stealer (literally!) - thy 'camera' *applause*

Each one of us lives either inside our Facebook and twitter profiles today or the phone inbox and whats app messengers. Sharing every gulp of water, every beat of our heart,each step we take and all moves we make has now become a subconscious action or to put it more bluntly, an obsession, a compulsion!

We fail to pay attention to what happens right before our eyes because updating the latest 'nail paint' colour seems more important.

Its been ages that one saw a sunset or a sunrise (rainbows are confined only to books anyways) because tweeting a random PJ is a priority.

But in the vicinity of all these updates flashing out at a lightening speed, a question worth pondering exists. That is - 'WHO REALLY CARES'

Who cares whether you are in Goa or in your bedroom? whether it was your 15th or 25th anniversary? how old is your kid or of what shape was his birthday cake? your nail paint colour..blah...blah!

of course YOU do care and a few, very few others who genuinely are interested in you ( I dare say, your nail paint colour) .

And the next, even more potent issue is - are those real, blissful moments of your life worth only a few 10s or 100s of 'likes' and vague comments like nice, awesome, fab, amazing, love or <3, wow , 'Epic'?
ERR!! I hope not! :/

Then WHY (why for Mark Zuckerberg's sake!) are we so keen on 're-taking' our first kiss, going in for picture perfect make-up, flashing the most camera friendly (fake) smiles instead of 'living' the moment and letting the happiness seep in?

Frankly speaking the concept of facebook appears to me to as nothing but a vast room where each one of us is shouting every single personal detail about themselves, least bothered to hear or pay attention to what others have to say. Why are we then so fascinated to be a part of this selfish and moronic world?

This reminds me of an Urdu couplet by Allama Iqbal

'hai dil ke liye maut machin'on ki hukumat

ehsaas-e-murawwat ko kuchal dete hai alaat'

( Rule of machines is death to our hearts

They are weapons which destroy all feelings and emotions)

Truly, technology is nothing but a double edged sword. It can let you be the master but all the same time it has a power to kill you too. And we all know that such a sword can never rule without harming the master.
have we reached the stage of self destruction or have we not?

Do not Google this...ASK YOURSELF!!

A letter to you- Expectations!

Dear Expectations
The wall clock ticks to show it’s around 3a.m. I sit in my room with no signs of sleep. My favourite author’s book lies besides me. Untouched. I have important assignments to complete and deadlines to meet but right now my mind is a cacophony of thoughts. They have no end. They don’t seem to subside or straighten out.

You have left me alone and dizzy again. I am try to figure out why do you creep into relations? In between people who are leading an independent, happy life?
Why, when a relation strengthens and insecurities retract do you show up to mess everything? They say, genuine bonds blessed with true love never faint.
 How do you then appear in between those fine threads of care and happiness and pull them apart so selfishly?
I am in splits. Unable to figure out who to blame..you, me or someone else?
Why do I listen to you? why can't I simply make peace with whatever has been bestowed upon me? I fail to understand who acquainted you with love and care? These are emotions that should come from within like an unexpected, unasked gift- a pleasure and a surprise. If it comes as an outcome of demand and endless begging, what happiness will it provide me? It only crushes my ego and self respect.
Even after knowing all of it I turn up with open hands because you force me to.
But why on earth should I pay heed to you and beg for you sake when you care not a little of my self respect?
I should stop. Now and here. You have crept within me like a malaise.
I need to get rid of you.
I really don't want to lose my close ones for you. 
But you and they somehow come together. I am not brave enough to separate them from you.
You have over powered me. 
Do I have to give up on my relations to run away from you?
It will hurt and the pain will linger on. But I can/'t bear the pain caused when you break and hit my self respect and egos. I better quit.
Quit. Quit desiring you o' brutal expectations.
Maybe in solitary confinement will I find some tranquility. For there will be no one to look up to.
I fear to hope. because where hope is, expectations (you) exist too.

In need of you, no more
ME

                                                                                                     

I play with love !!

 Hide and seek. Seek and hide. A game that me and love have been playing right from the time I met it.

Some people count in 'love' as a game in itself but for me it has always been a fellow player.

A tough, ardent and possessive player.

Like most games that start from fun, frolic and tend to get dirty and intense, the players too somehow shift from being friendly to malignant. What began as a healthy competition turns into a cut-throat revenge.

Ours too has its highs and lows.

I do accept that I have been mostly on the 'hiding' side, trying my best to find a cave or curtain solitary enough to let love not find me.

Atleast not so easily.

Atleast not so quickly.

But as I said, the game gets uglier and love deceives me with his ways to catch hold of me, clutching tightly.

After all, when everything is fair for love, rules don't make much of a difference to..do they?

I dutifully accept my defeat and begin my search of 'him', the fellow player.

He is smart and his ways are unpredictable I tell u.

He hides so deep and deeper within that I am unable to track down even the shadow of it.

Days and months pass. I am able to search him not.

Neither can I give up, for its a game of life now.

And then , after million tries I finally decided to let go, to accept my defeat. I surrender finally.

Sit and reflect on my stupidity.

Promising to never play with it again. Never ever.

And suddenly, it emerges again persuading me for a new game, a new battle, a new hope- that I might win this time. Just this first and final time.

I seek again. I lose again.

but I play again.....Cunning love. Chimeric me.

uff ye shaadi ;(

In our country, as soon as a girl bids farewell to her teenage she inadvertently welcomes a huge trouble for herself. A problem that will change her life for the better, no bitter.OK! I am not very sure for what!

Yes, you prompted it correct in your mind ( so no prizes for guessing) - She has unwilling/unfortunately/unconsciously been transformed into a 'potential marriage material'.

From distant relatives to D-block wali Dadi (assuming you reside in say,Z-block) every one's prime concern seems to be your doli ka uthna or mandap ka sajna!

And its your own 'mother' who has been constructing the tallest dreams. Taller than Burj Khalifa in Dubai!

But the trouble arises when she starts realizing that her dreams so tall, are made of trump cards ready to not just be blown but put on fire by her very own 'aaj kal ke zamaane ki beti'.

She can apply nail polish with newton's accuracy at mechanics but breaking an egg gives her jitters.

Her mascara never dares to smudge off but her cupboard is a mess. The skirts shiver to touch her knees and cell-phone is her soul-mate. She has neither seen the face of the kitchen nor the morning sun!

But mom ain't any gullible creature so that's when she decides to grab her most tried and tested tool. NO! its not the chimta (tongs) or karchul( ladle) anymore. C'mon they are so passe ( I doubt if they even exist in kitchen now a days). Its the 'verbal bullets' humbly known as 'taane'.

"sasurral mein jaake mobile hi chalana"

"saas aag laga degi inn skirts ko"

'tumhari shakal dekh kar pati ka peit nahi bhar jaega"  

ye make-up thop lene se zindagi nahi kat ti"

 Now, excuse me for the lack of space (and what fun in repeating things which you yourself hear almost everyday ;) )

So what I wonder is how can our beloved mothers predict such a grievous future of ours?

And Since they have already forecasted it how do they expect us to become a perfect 'marriage material' after listening to such horrifying stories?

Had they narrated us the 'Cindrella and snow white' tales they did when we are kids we might as well have tried to co-operate in their scheme of plans. Don't they remember how eagerly we wanted to get married then?

But the situation seems more 'real' now. And I ought to be petrified!

So your Burj Dubai dreams need to be seriously tackled mom. Where is the matchbox I ask?! 

Not a love story.

He ditched me again today.  This thought had always escorted itself with a wish. A wish of him abandoning me for ever. But maybe, infact  most certainly playing with my feelings was his favourite game, a pass time and an addiction.

I sat on my terrace, watching the infinite sky yet my mind wandered in the vicinity.

'Hi baby! am back' he startled me with his usual tone and pecked my cheeks.

I managed a smile, a bitter one but he realized not. After all I was a mere play board for him.

'the sky looks so beautiful and you are equally gorgeous. So lets dance, c'mon give me your hand'

He notoriously offered his hand to me. 

I sat still eyeing the floor as if ignorant to his deceptions and frauds.

The reality was that he couldn't understand what went within me.

Its indeed strange how love, which made you so strong once could turn into your biggest weakness.

And the pain which is suppose to make you weak can provide you strength to endure so much.

I gave him my hand - again.

There had been a time when his slight touch, even his gaze could set my heart racing and blood gushing.

Today, however in spite of us being so close I felt nothing. All emotions eluded me. 

He started stroking my hair and gently whispered 'you are the most important part of my life'

I died a little more inside.

Its sad but like happiness, pain isn't infectious. 

It never 'spreads out' rather 'seeps deep in' and kills you moment by moment. word by word.

We then sat like a perfect couple.  'baby I cant imagine my world without you' 

He once again throw ed his friendly dice.

I died a little more inside.

People may wonder why I said nothing. Some of you may even verdict my act as naive or pity me but I choose to experience it and let the agony kill my love.

 

Coz harbouring mixed feelings is his trait. 

For me its absolute - either perfect love or pure hatred.

Till then I choose to nurture hatred like I once intoxicated your love.

I choose to suffer in silence.

Its a climb....

I know people change. Change so subtly that is takes days to believe the existence of something that was imperceptible before.

I know people turn their back.I have seen them hiding their faces like the evening sun which dips ever so slowly somewhere in the horizon and darkens all that's around, while you stand patiently for the dingy light to be thrust upon.

I know people back stab.I have felt them poking those incessant punches on me like the merciless winds in a vast, hot, sandy desert which away extracts all moisture and vitality and depresses one deep in the restless sand.

I know it because life blessed me with relations and thrust upon me the intricacies of dealing with people. People who promised to never change and relations which were as sturdy as huge mountains. But nothing can change the nature of change for it has to change!

And its no more surprising yet an irony as to how the most toughest of glasses shatter easily. Promises that define our being, are our strengths and hope dissolve as soon as we lean onto them perfectly.

I know it because I have leaned onto such promises completely and in a few moments there was a loud thud. so loud that it lost its audibility maybe. For nobody heard anything. But I know it because I felt the silence.

A missing part.

A dissolved promise. 

A dead relation.

Its at times surprising as to how relations build up. The sweetness tends to be dissolved in innumerable and never ending expectations. 

Expectations that climb a ladder of shattering hopes and broken promises.The trouble is we cant do much about it. Its spontaneous. No matter how tough you appear to be, you are bound to expect and be disappointed in return. I know it coz I have had my share of shattered hopes and expectations.

And not just for once but innumerable times.

I wont label my life as one of extraordinary pain or change but yes, I can proudly say that I have had my share till now. No wonder there is more to come. For the pages of destiny cant go blank.They have been filled with an ink that outlines my life. The fact is that I don't have a choice , neither does life have, we both are being played upon by something superior. For 

"he who makes my woes for me

will think about my woes

my brooding over them would be

a greater woe than those" :)

mystical dreams..... part -3

PART-1

PART-2

 "Its not just today

and never would a day come

when the world around

won't coerce me

that my existence is incomplete

without you besides me"

she whispered senselessly to her soul which appeared as insatiable as it had been years ago. 

yes! Many years had now passed but her relentless search only got deepened.

 Her friend had advised her to give it up and consult a psychiatrist however she knew well that no person by mere hallucinations or repressions could free her soul of it. 

A soul that was now completely drenched in that world of dreams. 

A soul that had now tasted the bitter sweet demeanour of forbidden magic.

she was totally possessed in it, of it and for it!! there was no way out except to wade in further.

This was NOT love, it had transformed into a limbo or maybe a state of trance which continued to get unquenchable each passing second.

she had left her job long back, her own house, family, belongings, whatever that belonged to her and to where she belonged was now simply a state...a state of nothingness and timelessness.

"the dawn is not distance, nor is the night starless;love is eternal".

she again murmured to herself trudging through by the glint of the night.

suddenly as if the whole words bedazzled or struck by lightening...she saw his face! 

It was really him standing on the other side of the road!

That same tall attractive gentleman dressed in a glossy black suit teamed with a navy blue tie..the same man who had stolen all her dreams to make them his own, that same man who dictated her entire being for years now!

She felt herself en captured by a divine spell in those long seconds, the world had widened much beyond horizons or was it shrinking onto hers?

There was pain , fright, desire, anger, impatience, irritation, excitement, pleasure all at once in her soul.

her quest had reached its brim and emotions ran like wild horses..'a few steps more and it will all be hers..this mystery would no longer haunt her soul' she thought.

He stood still at the opposite side staring at her even now.

1...2...3...she had galloped to the other side at an impulse!

crash!

xxxxx 

Her eyes open, where is she? At the middle of a road it seems!

She can feel something is wrong with her, her blood seems to ooze out slowly but there is no pain.

She lies there numb and dizzy but there was no desire to get away. Being completely aware of her fate and also the fate of the man beside her in deep slumber some distance away.

she looked at him..but alas! He is NOT there...she can now see him EVERYWHERE! all around, in all direction, at all ends!

she dare not close her eyes..is this an illusion? no it cant be!

Now he is beside her again, a faint smile lits her face as she finally closes her eyes. forever this time.

No more mirages.

No more mysteries.

Just the mystical kingdom of her dreams.

Illusions have accepted her soul in their world...realities could wait for another life now.

Hub( attraction) and Maut(Death) are but shades of an eternal journey called love!

xxx THE END xxx 

CREDITS: 

Ancient Arabic Literature says that there are Seven Shades of Love - 1. Hub (Attraction), 2. Uns (Infatuation), 3. Ishq (Love), 4.Aquidat (Reverence), 5. Ibadat (Worship), 6. Junoon (Obsession) and 7. Maut (Death) [ Read it as a friend's status on Facebook ]

Thanks to one of my sweetest friend in blog-o-sphere Sadiya Merchant for giving me the inspiration and much needed motivation to pen up something which was very close to my heart yet I had no idea how to put it up in words :-)

mystical dreams..... part -2

PART -1

A month had passed since that day on the airport and from that very day those unusual dreams that she by now had grown accustomed to suddenly took a tempestuous turn only to be spied by an image. the image of that man who has so stubbornly refused to leave her dreams.

what was she supposed to do? she knew him not, had no idea who he was or where he lived but no matter what she did throughout her day nothing abated his arrival, that majestic palace and their stolen moments of divinity that en wrapped 'them' in the darkest of night, the coldest of winds and amongst brightest of stars.

what happiness could such a love give to her pragmatic and rational being? A happiness that was deceptive and a love that she abhorred as soon as it dawned. For the dawn saw her as a caged bird who had wings to fly but her horizon had been brutally snapped!

on one such days..tired of contemplating and trying everything she could to assure that is was only an ephemeral phases she finally took a decision.

A decision that defined her complete existence at present albeit her own will.

A decision that might free her from everyday turmoils only to entrap her soul in a higher tumult.

this was no bravery yet she had to feel triumphant even before trailing on the path.

yes! she was now ready to begin a search. a search of her own existence. a search of a man who had occulted her reverie. of this 'mystical magician'

it was time now to put an end to all that had mystified her reflections. And her dreams.

To be continued.....

PART-3 

mystical dreams.....

She lay there numb and dizzy but there was no desire to get away. Being completely aware of her fate and also the fate of the man beside her in deep slumber some distance away.

she looked at him profoundly and immediately her mind flew off to the time she had first seen him

"Brida? Paulo? " he exclaimed!

"what?"  she lifted her head slightly and passed on a puzzled look to the tall gentleman standing in front of her. gentleman because of his well groomed appearance , dressed in a glossy black suit teamed with a navy blue tie, he appeared rather attractive to her.

" The book " . he smiled pointing to the novel in her hand.

she was now beginning to get annoyed at his uninvited remarks. " yes! It is brida by paulo coelho and I happen to read it , any problem"? ! she clamoured at him , shutting the book loudly.

" Brida makes a good read, and somehow I feel you'd be able to connect with it heavily". saying this he walked off and so briskly that she couldn't utter even a word!

"strange" ! she murmured and settled once again to continue her story.

xxxxxxxxxx

She woke up breathing heavily , nauseated and drenched in a cold sweat. Immediately gulping a glass of water on her bedside table she pinched herself to convince on the fact that the reverie was broken.
It was not for the first time that she dreamt it all . 
The palace- adorned with precious, twinkling jewels , those silky shining red carpets, curtains that flung to and fro divinely, a beautiful bird in the golden cage, a throne so majestic that eyes forgot to blink and she, sitting amidst all the royalty.the princess of this kingdom.To her it all belonged and it was her aura that made it gleam even more.

but today her dreams had startled her,even in her own dream! today,the mystic lights around the palace couldn't trap the white haze, today the winds were gentle and hypnotic. Neither the royal curtains nor the carpets could hush up a presence.His presence,so strong that it was beginning to make her vulnerable! who was he? some traveler or maybe a king from a tribe of a far-way land? with a charisma so splendid that even the princess was spellbound, indifferent of her own royalty.

suddenly 'he' emerged out of a wavering mist dawning in front of the throne.Raising her dark hued eyes she let them meet his and went numb!

This was precisely the moment that had shut off the windows to a dream of hers. How was it possible? how could the mist descend to lay on a reality? a reality, yet so strange and unknown.
No, no! something is wrong! with these thoughts in mind she walked downstairs, aware of her steps, her surroundings but unaware that her world lay somewhere behind those cloudy appearances.

To be continued...... 

PART - 2 
PART-3 

a love not forgotten....

Twenty stairs

a perching bird

I stand here

behind the church

one misty morning

you caught my sight

I still remember

that blue shirt with red stripes

again we met

in a party

destined it was

began our story

time flew off

in its habitual way

silent whispers

yet volumes they'd say

parched roads turned lush

wildflowers bloomed

moon crescented much

as our love groomed

I knew not

we created memories

someday it will

be my prized victory

you stole my soul

reasons unknown

my heart still yearns

distressed, forlorn

the places we strolled

the songs we sang

those long happy drives

on city's outskirts

and then suddenly

you had to leave

a bitter reality

to believe

called you were

to the war-front

axing my dreams

you walked off dear soldier

the day you returned

I was euphoric

running wildly

untrammelled and free

you stood there

a proud warrior

your smile shone

charming like ever

but..who was she?

I stepped back to know

maybe his mistress

the crowd implied

still and tizzy

I stood and watched

our past memories

dismantled and dislodged

you held her hand

and went inside

people followed 

ignoring my plight

you took oaths

of marital bliss

the church bell rang

uncertain of my grief

long years have passed

seasons flown and drown

oft-returning birds

yet a sturdy me

still stands there

twenty stairs

a perching bird

unforgotten you....undying love!!

 

PS : The image above is what inspired me to pen down this poem!

haiku challenge day-16

sees the portrait hung

remembering you dear mother

I write this haiku

PS : kindly read my post one love..one time??? NAAH!!! and provide me with ur valuable feedbacks. thanks so much :)



written for the

ONE love..ONE time?? NAAH!!

LOVE - something that has been riveting man's attention since eternity , what exactly does it mean?
The dictionary defines love as...Wait! Is it ever possible to have an all-satisfactory and absolute definition of love? NO!


Then how can we confine an emotion so prodigious to a mere one-time happening? And if you believe that 'true love' is not just a 'mere' one time happening but a long lasting, one-time bond let me clarify my point further.


Suppose I give you a huge cake, so big that you cannot estimate it in numerals ( Love).

Now, I cut an ample portion of it for the first time (maybe your first love) and let you relish it. After a while (since I am being too generous today) I treat you with another portion of it, this time a very very large one. Then, when are done with gaily/greedily gobbling it up, I let you have a third piece( something which you call as infatuation or unreal love) a little smaller than the second one though. 

now, does this mean that there is no cake left now? or can you debate over the fact that whatever I gave you on the first and third instance was not a cake (love) or real cake (true love) ?

Having explained why there is nothing called as ture love, my second point is 'how do one conclude that true love happens only once' ? I hope you won't deny the fact that its with some wisdom and in-numerous experience that we eventually convince ourselves  on the 'reality of real one-time love'. right?

but again the point remains unaltered...how can an emotion so tremendous be defined on the parameters like 'true' or 'fake' or 'real' or 'not-so-real'? It can be shallow or short lived, momentous or forlorn , deep or divine, infatuation or crush but it has to EXIST in all such incidences and experiences of yours. then how come 'just one love in a l-o-n-g life'?


The truth is that " love is too large and equally deep to be understood or measured in a limited frame of mind or a jaundiced eye which categorizes it in any form" .

Now coming to the 'science of love'. We have an emotional center called the limbic center in the brain. A small almond shaped part called amygdala of this limbic system is responsible for releasing hormones(mainly sex hormones) and is the REAL CUPID if I may (Scientifically) call it. 

The only disparity lies in the fact that its been scientifically proven that these hormones release and resort a numerous time in every humans life.  So something which people believe as 'love' is basically a gush of these hormones. In case of  love (the one which people believe to be true) maybe it causes greater and more forceful gush of the same hormones. But this high sexocorticoid release HAS TO subside after a while

because our body's metabolism CANNOT cope up with such high hormonal activity 24x7x n years! Its just not possible!

We need to understand that the 'feeling of love maybe unbounded, but our capacity to love is limited'. - M .scott peck
Having said my mind I would end this discussion with an Urdu couplet ( written by me)

na mehdood kar mohabbat ko sach-jhooth ke paimaane mein

ye to hawa hai, har simt parwaaz karti hai

( don't confine/restrict love on the basis of truth or lie

its omnipresent like the flowing/flying winds )




This post has been published as a part of THE GREAT DEBATERS Topic: IS FALLING IN LOVE A ONE TIME AFFAIR ; the first edition of the Bloggers Debate; If you like this post then FAVE it here and read other entries as well.

haiku challenge - day 3

Lap of pure love

heaven lies under her feet

God bless my mother.

written for the

Go ahead- live your life !

When a relation goes wrong our first reaction is one of an unperturbed viewer. we don't realize that it now breaths its last and very soon the dangling pieces will crash aloud leaving us alone. Maybe, our brain is malfunctioned to handle innumerable painful flushes of unexpected emotion and becomes numb for a while.

After the initial state of silence,the inertia takes its toll and every single change is resisted in its best possible yet least spirited manner.But the threads of that unhemmed relation keep on pulling up for who can stop it? One feels 'if only I hadn't said that' or 'If only I would have been able to do this'...knowing deep inside that all is and was in vain and when the end thread loses it hold..the pain , the anger and an array of uncontrolled , unknown ,unsaid sentiments sets in.

Every moment seems impassable and each little thing sings out the loveliest of memories loud and clear, breaking the heart a thousand times and wetting those eyes more. Life seizes to have a meaning and loneliness is both a respite and a dreaded feeling.

all one knows and believes is 'nothing can now make me better' and 'no matter how much time passes I will be falling more and more in this bottomless pit' and just as this belief cements permanently and firmly, life starts gathering reasons to get you up, to heal your soul and bring back a gift so precious to be wasted on anything and anyone -your life.

It never happens in a single day, like the making of a bond even breaking is equally untraceable but it just happens.The love returns, the smiles spread again and eyes now twinkle with another set of dreams.waiting to be heard, explored and made true.

Life has to go on and it sure moves on a road so bumpy,a little slow at one point and rushing alarmingly on the other, avoiding or rising above the hurdles.But that's what gives a destination where you reach and a meaning that you cherish.

It implores us to remember that "even if the whole world vanishes at some point of time you still live your breaths so how can life stop on a breaking of a bond"?  

It implores you to understand that  "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

It implores you to accept that "You have to forgive to forget, and forget, to feel again.”

Go ahead - live your life :)