Matched in heaven, monetised on earth!

Marriage is an evergreen and one of the most profitable business in India. Be it the tasteless catering or tacky decorations, horny honeymoons or hoopla over photo shoots, money and booze simply keeps overflowing through the entire season of endless rituals.

Talk about arranged marriages and 'chachi ki friend ka beta USA mei engineer hai, baat chalaun?' is no more a way to get it fixed.

Even marriage bureaus and print media are a thing of past. Who after all has a time to read newspapers or maintain offline relations?!  

Unfortunately Facebook and twitter haven't taken up the job of serious match making seriously.They are still a platform for casual flings, leaching and after-retirement testosterone reactivity!

With over lakhs of profiles in all shades of compact powder, lipsticks and bows-ties, matrimonial sites are mushrooming on the world web as the newest and most trusted match making database today.

Dig a little deeper, you shall see thousands of fully covered yet curvy pics. An inch of cleavage with pouted lips garners a huge number of clicks. 

In case of wanting to be grooms, accidentally added number of zeros in the salary makes you a hero. And don't forget to mention on-call duties as on-site ones. 

Edited till they fit in the parent's dream of being the most eligible (read desperate) match in town, profiles are created with high hopes and honeymoon fantasies only to find that 

money is honey, my little sonny, a rich man's profiles is always visible for matrimony! 

In other words, the higher you pay a matrimonial site, higher goes your chances of getting hitched. So it is sensible to keep some bucks in your pocket rather than mentioning them all in your resume.

The cost of getting registered on any regular site ranges from 5,000 to 50,000 (Elite club) for 3 months. No wonder these sites are expected to earn a revenue of around 900 crore by the end of the year which would mean about a 33% increase in profits from last year. No prizes for guessing that the next year profit can be anywhere between 40 to even a whopping 50%!

The story doesn't end here, these matrimonial sites have given birth to a new  business. Some housewives and retirees realised that Majority of Indians are still technically challenged and with a radicular shift towards smaller nuclear families its virtually impossible for them to know the nuances of creating profiles and accounts on the net.

So they grabbed this opportunity and have thrown themselves as cement to bridge in the gap. These people technically-aid interested parents to look through the potential profiles, contact them and do the needful. This too comes at a price of course, ranging anywhere between 1,500 to 10,000 for 3 months.

To sum it up, all those involved in this business of alliance and selling marriages always have a win-win situation. If you can manage to hitch them up, your clientele notches up. If not, well, the search never ends.

Its quite interesting to see how intimately marriage and money are related. Perhaps, until and unless you club these soulmates its impossible to find your own!

A deeper look into our 'shadi' business makes me conclude that marriages are made in heaven but caste-sized, dramatised, hugely monetised before finally getting finalised in India!

Ours was another story.

Sometimes we get possessive of our dreams. At other times our dreams possess us.

Ours was another story. 

You have been a dream I wandered with in the night and then carried preciously in the innermost chambers of my heart each day.

Night after night I untangled you more, uncovered you sheet by sheet, held you bit by bit and as soon as the day fell, I just stealthily tucked you away in the most intimate part of my soul.

On a fateful moonlit night I had reached the verge of ecstasy and intimacy, grabbing you voraciously, certain of you being a reality when the day broke. This was unexpected. I couldn't decide if today was the day you should be revealed to the world.

So I lay in my sleep, still pondering, confused and dazed. Dawn was arriving at a lightening speed, my mind too was travelling a zillion rounds each second but I wasn't sure. 

Finally I decided to keep you safe and mine for a day more.I kept you within. Impulsively in the deepest shelf of my self this time. So deep that I had never tread that depth before.

The feeling of you residing there was indeed divine. I could feel your light all day. Making me passionately wait for the night to fall. 

And night did turn up, though a little late for my impatient wait. Moon and stars accompanying it as usual.It was my time to live with you, wander to the stars and back. I knew the search for today was deep. Too deep.

I closed my eyes and began to find you. Moments kept passing, stars incessantly flickering, waiting for us to possess them but Alas! I was not able to find you. Try after try, innumerable tries each moment but to no avail.

Could you be gone? No! No! This cant be. Then what? Were you lost?

Losing you would mean losing myself. So how can you be ever lost in me? This possibility was also rejected. Then where are you? A game of hide and seek is it? But lovers don't play such heart wrecking games.

I had known you too long, too deep and too much to not know where you should be in this part of the night. I was your breath and existence, you couldn't part away. I consoled myself.

The night was walking away fast, it didn't care of my plight. I had to find you before this night met the day or else you would be gone forever.

Oh God! This is a cruel game.

Without losing hope, I closed my eyes again and sleep took me in her arms. She was our mutual connection and her arrival was a positive sign.

As sleep cradled me in her arms for a long time, I felt someone fondling with me. Ah! The familiar touch on my skin. This scent of heavenly passion could make me kill.

She touched my eyes, then my lips, neck, chest in a familiar manner as I lay still. Finally, when the passion of separation reached its zenith I clutched her ever so tightly.

Where did you go? I shouted into her.

'To become your reality' she whispered.

 And the sun emerged.

Where I belong.

My fast paced life seems to have come to a screeching halt. Not even a screech actually, just a silent stop. Engulfing me is a weird feeling. Like I have been running for a long time and almost suddenly I reached a dead end. The end of a road with only darkness. An authoritative darkness. This is not a crossroad, where I am supposed to chose a path. I have come face to face with a crossroad too, trust me, this isn't that. This is a cul-de-sac with no options, no choices.

Life seems meaningless. Pointless. Directionless.
Its not as if I am unsatisfied or depressed, its just that everything and everyone seems futile. My friends and acquaintances appear as mere passing phase. I talk to them, laugh with them but I don't feel a part of that conversation or that joke. I feel unaccustomed to living in this strange world around me. As if, this is not where I belong. Or this is some transient destination in which I have stayed for too long and that I should now, depart. To a familiar place, towards my journey's end. 

And like someone who is fed up of waiting for the scheduled bus for too long, loses interest in his surroundings, I too am nonchalant to all that encircles me.

This apathy of my weakening soul is completely new for me. Never have I experienced such a dead end. This desire to dwell somewhere I am not sure exists. Even if it exists, how am I supposed to reach there? My path to progress has been dismantled. My dreams not shattered but abducted.
Until now, I had been a very optimistic person, always finding a speck of light among the darkest of dudgeons but right now, its different. 

I can't even say that its time to move on or start afresh because from where should I begin and to where am I supposed to move on?

Is it some sort of a cruel ugly game or a sleep disturbing nightmare? I hope it is and it ends soon. Very soon. Else this grave like atmosphere would gobble me slowly but surely. 
I am dying to struggle, to fight. To barge again into this shattering world of cut throats and selfish smiles. To run again. And faster. To feel that yes, I do belong here. Somewhere. Anywhere.

Teaching me to fly again...

Life is a long trail of ups and downs. Sometimes, we find ourselves reaching a peak of ecstasy whereas at other moments we lie deep down amidst the bottomless roots.

 These unforgettable instances of life teach us a million new things of importance and build in us a courage as sturdy as a mountain. The irony is that we tend to remember the low points in our lives more distinctly and easily than the moments of elation. 

Maybe, pain resonates at a much more closer and deeper level than happiness. Or maybe, we as humans find peace in glorifying our pains.

Although, at times when God seems to test us beyond our capabilities, we get too immersed in the very idea of pain and fail to glorify or justify it. At times like these, we need to share it. We need to vent it out. We need someone who can at least take off the burden of our problem, even if it be a delusional thing to do.

A few years back when I was going through an exceptionally bad phase in my life I realized how a simple act of sharing my woes could provide me an optimism to carry on and win back my confidence.

I had lost a loved one, my best friend had snapped all contacts with me, my mother was quite unwell and I was not in talking terms with my elder brother due to some stupid reasons. In short, life was totally drenched in gloom and I could not find any reason to hope for the arrival of spring.

It was not feasible to share my troubles with my mom because of her health issues and my best friend was nowhere in sight to lend me a helping hand. So basically, I was left alone to tackle this emotional torture. 

It was during those days, I had got back in touch with a teacher of mine through Facebook. She used to teach me mathematics and English when I was a primary school student, later she married and went to Australia. She was more than a teacher to me and I adored her for all the special attention I got from her, be it watching movies together or enjoying a day out shopping.

So naturally when I got back in touch with her we began writing to each other every day and sharing all the nutty-gritty’s of life. It was in one of those mails that I wrote to her how my life was a complete mess at that time and I out poured all that accumulated within me in that email to her.

She called me the same day in the evening and I started crying hysterically on the phone. We talked for more than an hour that day. She poured in the much needed words of optimism and wisdom.

Then she used to call me every day and like an elder sister, she would keep uplifting my spirits and helping me move on. Slowly, I started to cry less and talk more. She even suggested me a few books that really bought back the optimism in me.

 It’s true that our loved ones are angels sent by God to lift us up when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly. Being #together is the ultimate joy of life and although it may sound cliched but happiness doubles when shared and sorrow truly vanishes when we have a shoulder to cry on!

Check out this website to know about housing.com https://housing.com/

Today is a new day!

As soon as I boarded the Hyderabad-Rajdhani express, tears welled-up my already moist eyes. I could see my mom’s sad face through the train’s Pyrex glass, it spoke of emotions untold. 

For an instant I wanted to run to her and then run back to my home. The train started moving inch by inch and I closed my eyes ever so tightly to not let any emotion, not even a thought get into me for a long time.

 When I opened my eyes, the train had picked up speed for a destination which was soon to be my destiny.

“Why on earth, life bestowed me with such a big change?” I thought to myself.

Although I had always secretly desired to live alone and experience the satisfaction of being on my own. “oh! What a pleasure it would be to do everything according to my moods and whims” I used to say. But today when life had finally given me a chance of liberty and freedom, I so desperately wanted to undo this change. Yes, we homo-sapiens are wired that way. Never content with the current situation.

Days passed and I still couldn't admit this change of being away from family and my city.

My training had already started and I was thankful for that. At least half of the day passed pleasantly at work. 

Whenever my mom or dad called me, I would find it so hard to swallow my tears and hide the hoarse voice, crying in the middle of every sentence.

Back in those days I felt that my misery would continue for an entire period of 2 years and it had started to affect my training too. When I was in Delhi, I had underestimated the hardships of living alone and now I was regretting that very thought.

Time continued to pass at its own pace. I finally made some friends, all of them from different cities of India living alone like me but certainly not anyone seemed as miserable as I did. So that was when I decided to let change seep in through me. To accept it and let it walk besides me in life. Not just today or in this city but all through my life.

I began enjoying roaming about the city on my own, company of good books, pleasures of cooking and eating on my own and above all enjoying my own freedom. Each passing day, I was thrilled at how much life could offer if only we kept this internal resistance to change at bay.

My training is over and I am finally going back to Delhi in 2 weeks but these 2 years at Hyderabad will be etched in my memory forever. They have taught me a million things and made me learn the eccentricities of life in infinite ways. I am no more a shy, imbecile girl who took months to accept a change in her life. I am confident and ready to face life head-on.

I now truly believe that if we have the optimism and courage to #StartANewLife each day, I am very sure that life would be generous enough to grant us with not just one but many hundred reasons to do so every day.

Housing.com helps people wanting to start a new life. Check their website -https://housing.com/in and also the video below -

Let them blossom!

Have you ever noticed

those delicate little hands

who polish your shoes

prodigious you stand

Have you ever noticed

in the mayhem of town

weavers of dreams 

you curse upon and frown

Have you eve noticed

bright twinkling eyes

while they mop the floor

in a hope to rise

Have you ever noticed

the zest in their hearts

when they serve you silently

and you leave them to starve

Have you ever noticed

those burnt fingers

in your noise and celebration

their pain lingers

Have you ever noticed

the teary eyes

when you abuse and stab

pleasing your mighty pride

Have you ever noticed

the innocent why's

you left them to be gobbled

in a handful of lies

Have you ever noticed

the trembling bud

when you harassed her

and threw in a mud

Have you ever noticed

the dolls you carry

when for materialistic whims

you forced her to marry

Have you ever noticed

the sweat they shed

not to read and learn

but to beg instead

Have you ever noticed

the severity of your crime

selling the priceless pearls

for less than a dime

Have you ever noticed

when a boy you sodomize

its not just him

but a generation you victimize

Have you ever noticed

that you noticed not

little blossoming flowers

our worlds garden has got

Notice them now!

running wild and free

they are our greatest gift

nurturing them is victory!

For you, my friend :)

Cruel and harsh

Life is strange

promises of forever

in seconds they change

I fell apart 

like autumn leaves

down in the valley

dreams buried deep

and slowly but surely

life pulled me up

God seemed to hear again

faith re developed

I woke up again

to new beginnings bright

a stranger from distant land

caught my sight

in initial phase

I failed to recognize

our relation groomed

in its own stride

little by little

he touched my soul

his caring gestures

and ways unknown

I am healing now 

of my past pains

with your support

infinite strength I gain

You are a blessing

God's choicest gift

I will forget you not

even if our paths drift

you hear me steadily

night and day

you held my hand

in the summers of may

I can never repay

the unconditional love

its a heavenly bond

from paradise above

in you I trust

with you I fight

you judge me not

just suggest me right

I feel protected

a feeling divine

in your thoughts

I forever wish to be entwined

its true they say

life's ironical equation

you gain some. lose some

mathematics of relations

even miles apart

today or tomorrow

I can look up to you

in woes and sorrow

no words seem apt

no verse precise

which will explain

your place in my life

a promise eternal

I wish to make

never ever my friend

will this bond break.

P.S. This poem is a dedication for someone whom I can safely call my 'best friend'. He is also a blogger and when it comes to blogosphere I guess people know him better than me (specially girls;))since he churns out absolutely amazing love stories ! 

Apart from that he is a great person, the 'too good to be true' kinds. Even when I irritate him like hell with my absolutely random and at times mindless stories he will listen so very patiently as if he were genuinely interested. Remain the same and continue to listen to me :P

I know this poem depicts not even a tiny part of who you are but still can't write better so please accept it :)

And this post is special for one more reason - It is my 100th post...taaddaaaaaa *drum rolls* :D

A note of thanks to all those who read and appreciate, believe me every single word of yours matters. When I joined blogging I never thought I would be able to carry it for sooo long but the constant motivation and love encouraged me to share what all my heart embodies here on 'Embodying Emotions'.

THANKS A LOT FRIENDS :D

OK since its sounding more like a 'self proclaimed winners' speech (which are always so irritating AND boring) I stop here and now. Will be back with a new post soon. Till then hasta la vista dearies :* :))

Leaving you with few lines that I felt will some up all those 'genuine friendships' in the world....

Not just today.....

Its not today that you left me

a long time has passed

memories and memoirs have faded

in the ocean of life, big and vast.

Its not today that I cried

hiding myself in the dark

sobs and tears are a familiar part

and cuts that leave a mark.

Its not today that I pasted an empty smile

for the fake world to see

all they know is a happy girl

who cares what's going inside me.

Its not today that I tried to let go

all that life bestowed

in the form of sufferings and pain

and hurdles on the road.

Its not today that I accepted

what life presented to me

you and I were different people

and were never meant to be 'we'.

Its not today that I heard 'let go and move on'

from folks to whom it matters not

time can never be a healer

but a mere illusionary guard.

Birthdays and celebrations....

The only good part about birthdays according to me are the in numerous calls and greetings. Unfortunately, with facebook colonizing our lives and minds this part too seems to be lost. Now all we see are mere half hearted 'wishes on the wall'!

Birthdays never excite me. Never got the feeling that this was 'my day' or anything remotely special. Not because I am traumatized by the thought of growing old but for a simple reason that what exactly be considered special in a day which comes again and again in each one of our lives? 
OK, you might defend me by saying that it marks our arrival into this world, in the lives of people around who consider you special yet I have my own beliefs which drag me to the other side.

This year however it was slightly different. As soon as the clock stuck 12, there was this episode of calls and wishes which lasted till 1.30 a.m.
As I hit my bed, pretty tired and 'least' excited sleep was no where in sight. Usually its my habit whenever sleep eludes me on a night I either sit up with my diary and pen, scribbling and rambling or if am too tired I simply lie down and introspect on mysterious paths of life. I chose the latter on this day too. My mind was conspiring with my heart of how to feel special about growing up or rather 'the day'.

It was quarter to 4 now and suddenly a thought hit me. (yes, such are the occasions when this phrase exactly fits in coz sometimes certain thought literally 'hit you up' !)

 I realized that our birthday is the only day which is FIXED yet TRANSIENT in our lives. Fixed not because it comes each year (all dates do) but fixed for it will always be a benchmark of all that I learn and become. Like a ray, with a fixed beginning but no ending
.
 And transient for it makes me realize that age IS time. It comes and goes and never comes back again. We can never so accurately and fairly take account of time and age as can we do on this day- our birthday.

It may sound contradictory to some. It may also appear as bickering to some.
But for me I don't celebrate my growing up instead I celebrate the fixed and the transient moments embedded in this day.

What do you celebrate on/about your birthday? Do let me know! :)

The ugly side of beauty....

When God created humans, he did his best to be fair. Sprinkling carefully and wisely equal proportions of attributes so that each one of us can feel 'exquisite and beautiful'.

Man however has been in a habit of complicating things. Simple and apparently easily comprehensible things tend to distract him and he takes a path of complications. And so he deviated from this simplified version of God's granted beauty and confined it to merely a 'visual delight'.

This crooked definition of beauty has slowly been transformed into a necessary evil and humans today struggle mindlessly to grab a 'portion' while carelessly overlooking what was originally granted to them.

From Botox to liposuction, fairness creams to laser treatments we have senselessly been try to possess something that has been already thrust upon us. And to top up the insensibility, we gullibles 'demand' and 'desire' the same artificial and altered beauty in others too. Dumping away the real radiance.

He aspires to be tall, she dreams to be thin, his ambition is to get that athletic built and being fair is her desire!

We are vainly running to pick out an ingredient knowing little that our recipe of beauty is not just faulty but tasteless and ugly.

Endless advertisements with almost perfect faces, endorsing products to transform you into something which the creator himself did not feel fit to grant you. Sounds bizarre. isn't it?

When the artist or a writer decided NOT to bestow a certain trait or colour in the protagonist or painting, how can we as a reader and an on-looker 'artificially' apply them later?

But the social milieu and its hollow expectations have clogged our reasoning and logic to sheer opacity.

I doubt if much can be done to revert back from this track we have been walking blindfolded yet with 'élan'.

Alas! The botox beauty has occupied our minds and only serious retrospection can drain it away.

It might appear pessimistic on my part to end this post on a negative note but even after a lot of reasoning I couldn't come up with solutions that can be helpful for this is not a community or country issue, it rests with generation gone, the present one and the ones that shall live after us.

If only the actual beauty of each individual can be unveiled. If only we try and search that radiance within and around us those things of beauty would truly be joyous forever!

What do you think?!

I play with love !!

 Hide and seek. Seek and hide. A game that me and love have been playing right from the time I met it.

Some people count in 'love' as a game in itself but for me it has always been a fellow player.

A tough, ardent and possessive player.

Like most games that start from fun, frolic and tend to get dirty and intense, the players too somehow shift from being friendly to malignant. What began as a healthy competition turns into a cut-throat revenge.

Ours too has its highs and lows.

I do accept that I have been mostly on the 'hiding' side, trying my best to find a cave or curtain solitary enough to let love not find me.

Atleast not so easily.

Atleast not so quickly.

But as I said, the game gets uglier and love deceives me with his ways to catch hold of me, clutching tightly.

After all, when everything is fair for love, rules don't make much of a difference to..do they?

I dutifully accept my defeat and begin my search of 'him', the fellow player.

He is smart and his ways are unpredictable I tell u.

He hides so deep and deeper within that I am unable to track down even the shadow of it.

Days and months pass. I am able to search him not.

Neither can I give up, for its a game of life now.

And then , after million tries I finally decided to let go, to accept my defeat. I surrender finally.

Sit and reflect on my stupidity.

Promising to never play with it again. Never ever.

And suddenly, it emerges again persuading me for a new game, a new battle, a new hope- that I might win this time. Just this first and final time.

I seek again. I lose again.

but I play again.....Cunning love. Chimeric me.

uff ye shaadi ;(

In our country, as soon as a girl bids farewell to her teenage she inadvertently welcomes a huge trouble for herself. A problem that will change her life for the better, no bitter.OK! I am not very sure for what!

Yes, you prompted it correct in your mind ( so no prizes for guessing) - She has unwilling/unfortunately/unconsciously been transformed into a 'potential marriage material'.

From distant relatives to D-block wali Dadi (assuming you reside in say,Z-block) every one's prime concern seems to be your doli ka uthna or mandap ka sajna!

And its your own 'mother' who has been constructing the tallest dreams. Taller than Burj Khalifa in Dubai!

But the trouble arises when she starts realizing that her dreams so tall, are made of trump cards ready to not just be blown but put on fire by her very own 'aaj kal ke zamaane ki beti'.

She can apply nail polish with newton's accuracy at mechanics but breaking an egg gives her jitters.

Her mascara never dares to smudge off but her cupboard is a mess. The skirts shiver to touch her knees and cell-phone is her soul-mate. She has neither seen the face of the kitchen nor the morning sun!

But mom ain't any gullible creature so that's when she decides to grab her most tried and tested tool. NO! its not the chimta (tongs) or karchul( ladle) anymore. C'mon they are so passe ( I doubt if they even exist in kitchen now a days). Its the 'verbal bullets' humbly known as 'taane'.

"sasurral mein jaake mobile hi chalana"

"saas aag laga degi inn skirts ko"

'tumhari shakal dekh kar pati ka peit nahi bhar jaega"  

ye make-up thop lene se zindagi nahi kat ti"

 Now, excuse me for the lack of space (and what fun in repeating things which you yourself hear almost everyday ;) )

So what I wonder is how can our beloved mothers predict such a grievous future of ours?

And Since they have already forecasted it how do they expect us to become a perfect 'marriage material' after listening to such horrifying stories?

Had they narrated us the 'Cindrella and snow white' tales they did when we are kids we might as well have tried to co-operate in their scheme of plans. Don't they remember how eagerly we wanted to get married then?

But the situation seems more 'real' now. And I ought to be petrified!

So your Burj Dubai dreams need to be seriously tackled mom. Where is the matchbox I ask?! 

...the last gasp...

 

Endless steps

I climb

darker dungeons

breathlessness

the last gasp...

O where did I leave

my own self

amidst uncertain 

promises

the last gasp...

In the flowing river

I crawl helplessly

up and down

to reach no where

the last gasp...

Crumbled dreams

in a wounded box

rip it apart

let me escape

the last gasp...

Royal curtains

beaded and stoned

aren't pretty anymore

tear them apart

the last gasp...

Blood rushes

in and out

profuse and red

momentary respite

the last gasp...

Silence murdered

the soul inside

a gush of air

and it all ends

the last gasp....

Not a love story.

He ditched me again today.  This thought had always escorted itself with a wish. A wish of him abandoning me for ever. But maybe, infact  most certainly playing with my feelings was his favourite game, a pass time and an addiction.

I sat on my terrace, watching the infinite sky yet my mind wandered in the vicinity.

'Hi baby! am back' he startled me with his usual tone and pecked my cheeks.

I managed a smile, a bitter one but he realized not. After all I was a mere play board for him.

'the sky looks so beautiful and you are equally gorgeous. So lets dance, c'mon give me your hand'

He notoriously offered his hand to me. 

I sat still eyeing the floor as if ignorant to his deceptions and frauds.

The reality was that he couldn't understand what went within me.

Its indeed strange how love, which made you so strong once could turn into your biggest weakness.

And the pain which is suppose to make you weak can provide you strength to endure so much.

I gave him my hand - again.

There had been a time when his slight touch, even his gaze could set my heart racing and blood gushing.

Today, however in spite of us being so close I felt nothing. All emotions eluded me. 

He started stroking my hair and gently whispered 'you are the most important part of my life'

I died a little more inside.

Its sad but like happiness, pain isn't infectious. 

It never 'spreads out' rather 'seeps deep in' and kills you moment by moment. word by word.

We then sat like a perfect couple.  'baby I cant imagine my world without you' 

He once again throw ed his friendly dice.

I died a little more inside.

People may wonder why I said nothing. Some of you may even verdict my act as naive or pity me but I choose to experience it and let the agony kill my love.

 

Coz harbouring mixed feelings is his trait. 

For me its absolute - either perfect love or pure hatred.

Till then I choose to nurture hatred like I once intoxicated your love.

I choose to suffer in silence.