Teaching me to fly again...

Life is a long trail of ups and downs. Sometimes, we find ourselves reaching a peak of ecstasy whereas at other moments we lie deep down amidst the bottomless roots.

 These unforgettable instances of life teach us a million new things of importance and build in us a courage as sturdy as a mountain. The irony is that we tend to remember the low points in our lives more distinctly and easily than the moments of elation. 

Maybe, pain resonates at a much more closer and deeper level than happiness. Or maybe, we as humans find peace in glorifying our pains.

Although, at times when God seems to test us beyond our capabilities, we get too immersed in the very idea of pain and fail to glorify or justify it. At times like these, we need to share it. We need to vent it out. We need someone who can at least take off the burden of our problem, even if it be a delusional thing to do.

A few years back when I was going through an exceptionally bad phase in my life I realized how a simple act of sharing my woes could provide me an optimism to carry on and win back my confidence.

I had lost a loved one, my best friend had snapped all contacts with me, my mother was quite unwell and I was not in talking terms with my elder brother due to some stupid reasons. In short, life was totally drenched in gloom and I could not find any reason to hope for the arrival of spring.

It was not feasible to share my troubles with my mom because of her health issues and my best friend was nowhere in sight to lend me a helping hand. So basically, I was left alone to tackle this emotional torture. 

It was during those days, I had got back in touch with a teacher of mine through Facebook. She used to teach me mathematics and English when I was a primary school student, later she married and went to Australia. She was more than a teacher to me and I adored her for all the special attention I got from her, be it watching movies together or enjoying a day out shopping.

So naturally when I got back in touch with her we began writing to each other every day and sharing all the nutty-gritty’s of life. It was in one of those mails that I wrote to her how my life was a complete mess at that time and I out poured all that accumulated within me in that email to her.

She called me the same day in the evening and I started crying hysterically on the phone. We talked for more than an hour that day. She poured in the much needed words of optimism and wisdom.

Then she used to call me every day and like an elder sister, she would keep uplifting my spirits and helping me move on. Slowly, I started to cry less and talk more. She even suggested me a few books that really bought back the optimism in me.

 It’s true that our loved ones are angels sent by God to lift us up when our own wings have trouble remembering how to fly. Being #together is the ultimate joy of life and although it may sound cliched but happiness doubles when shared and sorrow truly vanishes when we have a shoulder to cry on!

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The end of a tunnel...

Life is an amalgamation of uncountable moments. Some are forgotten and tugged beneath the winds of time while others are released slowly from our memories, dead and unimportant. However, a handful of them dominate the zillion others and they truly make an impression. Not just on our minds but also on our souls. These moments stand by you forever, ever ready to be remembered, to be played on and re- winded.

As I sit immersed in nostalgia holding a mug of coffee with both hands I am suddenly travelling along this impressionable moment back from my school days. It’s been almost 5 years now but whenever I encounter a wave of despair, I find myself immediately travelling to the year 2010. 

The year of utter hopelessness, disappointments, failures and just about everything that can pull you down. Low. Where there is nothing. Nothing except darkness, depth and dirt. Where begins life and where it meets its end. Ironical, isn't it?

 So I lay there, almost the whole of 2010. But by the time I entered the spring of next year, I was blooming. Blooming and brimming, with optimism. Just like that. The kind of optimism that continues to grow in me even now. You ask me how?

I will begin this story again.

It was in May that this realization dawned completely upon me. I had not been able to clear a single pre-medical test in spite of wasting an year doing rounds of coaching centers , madly turning the pages of over a fifty different books and burning the midnight oil each night.
 I felt I had reached a dead end. 
There was no way out. 
Until now I had believed in the dictum that ‘God never tests us beyond our capabilities’ but I had exhausted all my capabilities and God continued to test me. Fail me. Disappoint me.

 I used to cry every single night. Sometimes a silent sob, on other nights a loud animal wail. Praying to God to guide me. To magically let me fly through the end of this dark tunnel. 
No answers.

Then one day I chanced upon a story of a man whose wife had left him for another man and how he was taking care of his four kids and bearing the pain of this ditching lover. 
I read other story of a girl fighting OCD and an irresistible urge to cut and let herself bleed. Another, of a woman abandoned by her only son. 
Next, of a girl brutally raped by her husband. 
Another, then another.
That day I read almost a 100 stories of people suffering. Of people in despair and depression. In the middle of their own dark tunnels, fighting for a way out.

Suddenly my trouble seemed so meaningless and stupid. 
“Failing to clear a PMT, that’s all you've got?” I could hear my conscience ask me. 
I simply shrugged. Suddenly, I was able to see light! Yes! I could see a plethora of new avenues, new professions waiting to welcome me. 
I could feel the zeal to start afresh. I could feel optimism rushing through my blood.

This feeling of clearing an exam of hardships meant much more than clearing a meager medical test. I was exhilarated with a burst of positive energy.

It took a long year of ‘being nothing’ to be able to rise to a new morning of optimism. My moment of optimism. 

Now I truly believe that these moments of optimism are like the sun, they keep illuminating us and instilling this confidence that if we could survive it back then, why not today?

I am writing this piece in hope that maybe someone, somewhere needs to identify his moment of optimism today and this shall provide a much needed push. 
So you can shrug your problems off and bask in the glory of warm light that await you at the end of your tunnel. 
Good luck and much love!

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