Dear broken heart

Dear broken heart

Nostalgic, I am beginning this letter. Amidst my moist eyes flow the carefree and bygone days of innocent and insensitive childhood.
Ah! You were so strong and lively like April days! Full of warmth, joy and hope. Weren't you? Beaming with positive energy, running like the bright rays of yellow sun. Too delighted to know the subtle nuances of life. Too occupied in your own existence.

But, the rays of this crisp and bright sun slowly yet inevitably began to change direction. Paving their way to noon. When the sun shines violently and piercingly hot! It was puberty time. You jumped into the hormonal rush. This whirlpool of hostile hormones. A few nano-grams of rise in them and love touched you.

That soft, irresistible, maddening touch of love. You lost all control over thyself. Didn't you oh my dear heart? You misunderstood and started believing life to be a bed of red roses- fresh and fragrant and dare I say you were wrong in your assumption, until one fateful day. The day when thorns of the same roses pricked you, deeply and painfully.

How can I forget the first time you broke? When eyes shed tears of turmoil, mind too numb to console you. You fell apart.There was anguish,melancholy,dejection,fury fear, hatred. Feelings seemed to be scattered and toppled over each other.
The agony was immense and intense. The year passed at an average pace and soon April days were back. What happened in between is a tale of tears, woes and hopelessness and you wouldn't want me to repeat the same to you am sure.

So the sunny April returned with a new zeal and hope! You were happy again. Humming tunes of spring and flowers and gay days. Bustling with rejuvenated energy and radiance. Ready to dance again. Ready to LOVE again!
Although somewhere a deep scar had settled which refused to heal yet you moved on.

Some months past and harsh winds of solitude knocked your door again. Chilling you nerves and shaking you all over. You broke again. This time the jolt was even more powerful, the crash louder and pain penetrated deeper.
All hopes of recovering or reinventing happiness were lost. It is the end, mind had said. But was it really?

Oh! my dearest heart I remember every single night you spent crying and wetting the pillow. Sometimes regretting, sometimes shouting and most often sitting in solitude, pondering over what went wrong. I wish I could heal you, treat you! This sickening feeling of lost love is beyond all repair. Except for time. Time is the drug we need. And strangely its about time that you understood it.
This time the scar had grown terribly. Healed only superficially. You now fear rejection and dejection. You can't love boldly but weigh in the hits and misses. You weigh the loses and love seizes to mean everything it did yesterday.

They say why O why have you turned so weak? Almost a coward? Or maybe too selfish to think beyond your own gains?
But my lovely heart, I know and I understand you. I have seen the ups and downs you faced. I feel your scar and the hidden old pain arising out of it. You are not a coward or a selfish little thing. You are vulnerable and wounded. Its almost natural to be your guard and sensible too. Although I know it still my advice may seem a little too unexpected to you. But bear with me, for I only wish the best for you.

DON'T stop loving. You are unguarded and fragile, which makes you worthy of more love. More kisses and more hugs. The risk in thinking selflessly for someone else maybe huge but believe me, thee are so many like you, wishing and waiting for someone who could gallantly face the risk.

And as they say, when you nurse a broken heart, you heal yours too. So isn't this risk worth being taken?  Get up dear heart! Pray, I ask you to walk out of that walled room and face the winter fog bravely and April shall arrive soon. Sooner than you think and when it sees you glow with so much sunshine and love, I bet its here to stay. Stay forever!

Wishing you warmth and affection
Me

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Ab ki baar...VOTER LACHAAR (helpless)!!

Before I proceed, I would like to clarify that this post will not resonate well with those who are blind faithful supporters of Modi (BJP) or congress or AAP or any other political party.

voting - democracy-disappointment

  
'India is the largest democracy in the world' - we have learnt and believed in this since the time we became acquainted with the subject 'social studies' in school. A democracy wherein the leader is chosen 'by the people, for the people and of the people'. 
But now as the 16th Lok Sabha election has already begin I cannot ignore the confusion and helplessness I feel amidst all the tamasha, hullabaloo, mockery and a storm that ironically has arrived ahead of the impending silence and disappointments. 

Being a Delhiite, I am suppose to cast my vote on the 10th of April. Voting is my right, it is suppose to give me not just a sense of power but also satisfaction that yes! I have chosen a leader who will consider my rights and the rights of my fellow countrymen as his prime duty.

And undoubtedly the numerous hoarding costing crores of rupees, loud promises being broadcasted night and day by the print and electronic media drag me to believe in them. They push me to trust that all these leaders are worthy of my vote and my faith.

Then why this confusion? Why do I feel torn between my duty as a citizen of the country and the inner voice which stands disgusted on the very thought of supporting these leaders built on in numerous promises and dreams of prosperity? 

Maybe because the party which promises 'tarakki (progress) and shakti (power) to my hands' failed to do so in the last 5 years. How and why should I trust them again?

Or maybe because a person who promises the 'his sarkar will do chamatkaar' was ruling Gujarat when the riots took place. And I don't say that he was responsible for instigating or promoting them but my fragile heart fears that a man who sat on the throne while some 700 Muslims and 400 Hindus were mercilessly killed and did nothing at all, what am I supposed to expect from him and his sarkar now? 

Curbing corruption has been not just on of our important demands but also the reason why congress failed miserably as a government. And insptie of being wee aware of this fact, the stats have left me completely taken aback. 

'30 per cent of candidates fielded by both parties have criminal charges against them; of them 13 per cent face serious charges like murder and kidnapping.
35 per cent of the BJP's candidates face criminal charges, of them 17 percent are serious charges. Meanwhile, 27 per cent of Congress' candidates face criminal charges, with 10 per cent facing serious charges.'  Source here.

How do these so called progress loving parties expect us to vote and support members who have allegedly murdered someone, looted and robbed us of our hard earned money. And not just one or two but 35% of the total? 
Is this the kind of democracy we live in and proudly associate our self with?

I do not know about others but as a girl who has been taught honesty, values and instilled with morals like 'lying, murdering, cheating are heinous crimes' my mind shudders on the very thought of pressing the button in support of leaders accused of the same.
My conscience abhors the thought of choosing a murderer or a thief to decide how I live, what I see, the college in study in, the jobs I get paid for and all other innumerable aspects of my everyday life and not just mine but the lives of those I love, my family, friends, neighbours etc.

Yet I am expected to vote. It is expected of me to exercise my right and fulfill my duty. 

Is this me playing a part of a respnsible citizen or is it me supporting an irresponsible leader?

will the blue ink bring in a sense of power to me or will it fill my heart with guilt and disgust?

I know not. But all I see is a choice between responsibility and my morals. but aren't the two interconnected? Isn't my responsibility encompassed within the values I uphold? It indeed is.

So what will I be doing on this 10th of April? who shall I support and who shall I reject? 
Is NOT voting the only sensible thing to do? so that later I can at least live guilt free when God forbid another riot takes place in some part of the country killing people like me and the sarkar does nothing to stop it? 
The more I think, the more I feel helpless. A puppet of delusional democracy
Don't you feel the same? If yes, where lies the solution? 


PS : After much thought and weighing a handful options I left with, I decided that I shall vote. And I will vote for someone who is not at least having charges and blames that repel my conscience. No matter what party or person is it. 
And if I feel that there is none worthy of the same, I shall back out. I will not let my hand for the support and encouragement of things that abhor my very soul for the sake of
responsibility.

They Showed me the right path....

When it comes to learning and growing not just in age but wisdom too, I think that my own suffering have been the greatest of all teachers.
As Charles Dickens said 'suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but I hope - into a better shape'.
No pain we suffer goes useless. It teaches us patience, humility, compassion, faith, confidence. Its only after shedding tears that the road ahead seems clearer.

It is also true that in these moments of trouble and trials does our real attitude stand out. Being a medical student I come across tens of patients and their despaired family members each day as they are scattered throughout the hospital. Each one of them waiting to get rid of his agony and distress.

Last month I had been posted to a government hospital in Delhi as a part of my 3rd year curriculum. I was supposed to collect the blood samples of 'bed no. 12' - female ward that day. So with all the necessary instruments like syringe and collecting vials etc. I made my way to the ward. On reaching the bed to my surprise the patient, a girl of about 17 years was surrounded by other inmates of the room.She was narrating them something and they all laughed. And the wards which are usually a gloomy place was filled with laughter and zest.

As I took her blood samples I tried to strike a conversation with her. (We are even taught to do the same with any patient in order to divert their attention while pricking a needle).
She told me that she was a student of class 12th and had secured a good 90%. She aspired to be a doctor and had toiled hard for the entrances the whole year but this unwelcoming illness made her miss all the entrances which meant she would have to wait for another year to be able to get admission in a college.

After taking the samples I ordered her to take rest and not talk much. She spoke again 'laughter is the best medicine, isn't it? I am helping myself and others get well soon' :)
I was amazed at her spirit and determination. How subtly did she made me learn that not only being happy is indeed the best medicine but its our outlook to things that makes all the difference.

Life in the capital city of India is so fast paced and busy. There is no time to stop and stare. A slit- throat competitive atmosphere prevails everywhere. I travel by DTC everyday and undoubtedly catching a bus is an extremely tedious task. You are pushed and crushed.The drivers halt the buses way ahead the directed mark. People literally want to grab and kick you out to 'edge' a place in the ever increasing number of commuters.

It was amidst such a scenario one day that I saw a lady in her 60's trying in vain to clutch the bus door handle.
But then suddenly a guy in his 20's who was standing beside me on the bus stop ran and not only shouted on the driver to stop the bus but also climbed and helped the woman get into the bus. The lady was moved to tears as she blessed the boy and thanked him.

As I and many others witnessed this incident, not just today but almost everyday I held my head in shame. And realized that its easy to crib and point out mistakes but to see a change we need to create it.

As we walk forward to shoulder bigger responsibilities we should never forget the lines learnt back in pre-school days: 

 "little deeds of kindness

little words of love

help to make our earth an Eden

like the heaven above".

And lastly an incident which was the first one to come in my mind when I read the topic.
It happened about 15 years back when I was around 7 years old but as they say that some incidents teach us lesson of a lifetime and no matter what they remain imprinted in our memories forever.

My uncle was about 65 years old then. He was a man of great principles and a thorough disciplinarian.
He would often come to our house and take us for shopping or to nearby places. We obviously liked him dearly.
On one such day, he decided to take us to the nearby book shop.The shop was a 20 minutes drive from our house.
While coming back in the autorickshaw we got stuck in a huge traffic jam. Uncle had an appointment at 5 PM and realizing he was already late, as he had to drop us and then go to his place he paid off the auto and decided to walk us to the house for it was only a 5 minutes walk from there. Since mobile phone were not common in those days so he had no way to inform anyone.

As we walked, suddenly a large stone on the road made uncle lose his balance and he fell down getting severely injured. later that week, he left for his heavenly abode.
I still remember his words that 'what better could it be to die for those morals and principles on which you have lived your entire life'.And uncle truly did that.
Now whenever I am running later I remember his punctuality and make it a point to at least inform the person waiting for me. I strive hard to live on and sustain my principles and beliefs just like him. And I am sure that when he sees me from up there he smiles and is so happy to know that I learnt what I saw and inculcated it in my life too!

I am sharing what 'I Saw and I Learnt' at BlogAdda.com in association with DoRight.in.

Let them blossom!

Have you ever noticed

those delicate little hands

who polish your shoes

prodigious you stand

Have you ever noticed

in the mayhem of town

weavers of dreams 

you curse upon and frown

Have you eve noticed

bright twinkling eyes

while they mop the floor

in a hope to rise

Have you ever noticed

the zest in their hearts

when they serve you silently

and you leave them to starve

Have you ever noticed

those burnt fingers

in your noise and celebration

their pain lingers

Have you ever noticed

the teary eyes

when you abuse and stab

pleasing your mighty pride

Have you ever noticed

the innocent why's

you left them to be gobbled

in a handful of lies

Have you ever noticed

the trembling bud

when you harassed her

and threw in a mud

Have you ever noticed

the dolls you carry

when for materialistic whims

you forced her to marry

Have you ever noticed

the sweat they shed

not to read and learn

but to beg instead

Have you ever noticed

the severity of your crime

selling the priceless pearls

for less than a dime

Have you ever noticed

when a boy you sodomize

its not just him

but a generation you victimize

Have you ever noticed

that you noticed not

little blossoming flowers

our worlds garden has got

Notice them now!

running wild and free

they are our greatest gift

nurturing them is victory!

If only...A mother's regret

If only....I sit in the court of law with only these words ringing in my mind. There are endless tears. Tears of remorse, tears of failure. Failure to be a good mother. Failing to see and understand the innumerable warning signs that my child's progressing disorder gave me.

The only reason for my smile,my 16 year old boy Abhay stands in the trial box today.
Abhay has AUTISM. Yes, I accept it today. But If only....I had visualized and accepted it earlier things would have been so different.

When Abhay was born on 23rd September 1996, our happiness knew no bounds. After a series of miscarriages he was my first 'live' child and nothing less than a miracle for me.
As days passed, it was him my life revolved around. His every movement, each smile and cry, those little gestures, I awaited for them impatiently. For him I lived and he lived in me.

Everything was perfect EXCEPT that Abhay as a little baby almost never smiled. He never reciprocated gestures of love like hugs or touch and made almost no baby sounds.
I noticed it. Noticed these SIGNS everyday but IGNORED.

At the age of 2, my dear boy Abhay avoided any conversation. Whatever little words like 'maa' and 'papa' he had learned, he seemed to be forgetting using those too.He made no eye contacts.

While other babies of his age laughed,chatted and played he sat on his bed or cot silently.
I noticed this too and got worried. But my ignorance took the better of me and dismissed it as 'mere shyness' of my sweet boy.

When at 4 years. Abhay joined school, I was happy and hopeful of him becoming 'normal' and 'cooperative' but things never got better. On the contrary he developed a strange obsession for 'tin cans'.
He would collect them from everywhere and arrange them up in rows, piling them on one another.
I could very well sense his behaviour as rather 'inappropriate' but my love, my blind love dismissed this too as my kids 'new hobby'.

Infact I started buying him cans. I woulds get them for him and he would silently retire to his room and sit for hours piling and re-piling them.

At 10, he was facing major problems at school and almost everyone could sense there was something wrong with his attitude, except me. Once when his teacher called me to discuss important matters regarding my child's progress I IGNORED the meeting for I hated to hear anyone call my little bundle of joy as 'abnormal' and 'mad'.

I chose a private tuition as the solution. Mrs. Riya was a wise lady.
 She WARNED me several times about Abhay's behaviour and that his avoiding eye contacts, his reclusive attitude and decreasing grades at school all very clearly suggested 'Autism'.
But blame me, my blind, ignorant, selfish love- I IGNORED this clear and red line sign too! Asking Mrs. Riya to leave then and there.

And as she had warned, thing never got better. My child never laughed or played with me. Never behaved like an adolescent would.

Now at 16 after changing innumerable schools and hearing the children of his age pass rude and cruel taunts with no therapy or medical treatment Abhay's condition progressed to a new phase.
He had developed a violent and criminal frenzy.
And as a doting mother I was still unable to decipher those SIGNS.  If only....I had realized them even at this stage, I could have saved my child's future.

The judge's loud gavel bang broke my reverie. And I heard the unbelievable words reach my ears - 

'After listening and hearing to all the witnesses this court has come up with the decision that juvenile criminal ABHAY GUPTA, 16 years has brutally murdered his classmate on 21st August. He is awarded an imprisonment of 3 years along with rehabilitation and education.The court is adjourned for the day.'

I listened in regret more than disbelief as the court passed its judgement. My little boy Abhay was behind the bars today. My ignorance has cost him his future.I stood there like a complete loser. A helpless woman who destroyed her family.
 If only I had realized that loving my child doesn't mean over looking the imperfections.
And not taken for granted the warning signs that lay before my eyes each day, each moment, in all his gestures and actions.

If only.....

MORAL : Our strength can also become our greatest weaknesses and vice versa if not rationally channelized.
'Continuing to believe in a lie is a lot easier then accepting the truth' but one should learn to be vigilant and accept the realities no matter how harsh and painful.


Friends, the early signs of almost all diseases are the most important yet easily neglected ones. Don't be ignorant and read on to know more about them.
This post is written as a part of 'The moral of the story is...' contest by Colgate and Indiblogger.
To know more about how to keep teeth healthy and avoiding troubles check My healthy speak blog.

Clothes - the 'masked' culprits

So you are out shopping with your friend in that LBD to buy another LCD (no not TV, its little cute dress you idiot)? Great I say but then why sneer when those ugly jerks fix their gaze hard at you? 
If you claim all rights to wear what you wish even they can command of every right to see 'whatever' they desire. No?

'Prevention is better than cure'- an age old adage we all know. But unfortunately most of us visualize prevention as a task too tedious and thereby calmly ignoring it until trouble bangs loud on our doors.

When it comes to protecting our selves as women we insist on carrying 'pepper sprays' and learning techniques of martial arts, which is all good undoubtedly but in the picture of larger things we forget of the basic tools nature and society conjointly has granted us - The right as well as freedom to 'cover ourselves'!

Yes clothes have been and will always be the greatest tool the greatest weapon against perverted and lascivious eyes especially in a country like ours where mindset is too reluctant to change.

No matter the extent of hue and cry one makes over upgrading your thoughts certain things are embedded within the very soil and society.

Choose what you wear wisely!!

Let me present you with a situation to explain things in a more coherent manner. If a madmen leaps onto you every time he sees you with a stick what would you do?
Would you continue appearing in front of him with the authority and so-called rights or would you rather opt a wiser and level headed way to tackle him?

The issue in hand is pretty much analogous. Hurling stones and sticks at a madmen would do no good and neither would trespassing the laws of nature. If you are so keen on exercising your rights and responsibilities then opt for modesty in how you present yourselves instead of giving those leering eyes all advantage to see what lies within you. 

I dare not say that this will deter the diseased minds from spreading dirt but we as women should not foster the obscenity in them.

Not long ago there was an incident of a little girl being raped because the guy reportedly had got all 'charged up' seeing a barely clad lady minutes ago. Here, I am in no way advocating the guy's action as acceptable but merely mentioning the repercussions and reactions of your actions and attire.

I know many of you will dismiss my thoughts as retrogressive since skimpy clothes today are almost De rigour but so is rape and eve-teasing my friends!
And if you accept that what you wear defines who you are to a great extent then denying the fact that our clothes play no role in how people around us see and feel about us would be so hypocritical.

This in no way means that dressing is directly connected to crimes like rapes but your attire is definitely related to how you are perceived. Why complain of being labelled as 'sex objects' when you proudly show cleavages in public places? 

Once we start appreciating the power of a modest dressing, the freedom one gains from it and your right to be respected rather leered at am sure many a things will jump up on the right path!

And in the end I quote Margaret Hale to sum it up all so elegantly:

“One of the first evidences of a real lady, is that she should be modest. By modesty we mean that she shall not say, do, nor wear anything that would cause her to appear gaudy, ill-bred, or unchaste. There should be nothing about her to attract unfavorable attention, nothing in her dress or manner that would give a man an excuse for vulgar comment. When we dress contrary to the rule of modesty we give excuse for unwholesome thoughts in the mind of those who look upon us, and every girl who oversteps these bounds makes herself liable to misunderstanding and insult, though she may be innocent of any such intention.” 

HOMOEOPATHY

Being a BHMS student, the course of usual conversation with relatives, acquaintances and at times random strangers is some what like this :

They – What are you doing? 

ME – BHMS

They – BHMS? Now whats that?

Me – Its bachelor of homoeopathic medicine and surgery

They – (utterly astonished) homoeopathy? ( As if I told them I sold fruits in the nearest market)

Why did u choose homoeopathy? :-/

Will you be even recognized as a doctor? What is the duration of the course, 2 yrs? (Did I even answer that?)

Why didn’t you opt for Dental or Ayurveda instead? (Like it would have made any difference to their life!)


And an endless string of (pointless) questions bombard on me till the topic of our conversation somehow feels guilty of its birth and attempts suicide or is lets say, murdered!

What surprises me is when these so- called well wishers of mine don’t even know what BHMS stands for, the duration of the course ( leave aside the amount of hard work a qualified homoeopath puts in), nearly half of them have never tried a single homoeopathic remedy. Who on earth gave them the right to demoralize or look down upon the system I proudly plan to practice?

Their 'sympathetic minds' are too stubborn to accept that homeopathy is much more that 'peddling white pills' and false claims like there exists no scientific proof of this system of medicine is totally baseless.

I wish I could explain their 'reason gifted' minds that the white pills are simply a medium to carry the medicine which is usually a liquid proved on healthy humans, and not just once but the efficacy of it has been established by proving it a dozens of times. Making homeopathy a science so unique and advanced.

Also bring to their knowledge that a 200 year old system couldn’t have survived so long simply on sugar pills. What homoeopathy talked of 200 years ago, the modern medical science struggles to prove today.


From nanotechnology to molecular injections, we are coming to the era of micro dilutions which is precisely the underlying idea of homoeopathy.

As Arthur Schopenhauer has said:

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident".

Its been aeon's that homeopathy has continued to be ridiculed and violently opposed. But we hope that now is the time. Until then homeopaths all over the world would continue to heal and cure.

After all ‘The physician’s high and only mission is to restore the sick to health, to cure, as it is termed’. (aphorism 1- Book of Organon, written by Dr. Samuel Hanhemann, founder of homoeopathy) .


PS : This article has originally been written by me for my college magazine.
 PPS: This is also the 1st post of the series I will be writing on my blog to create awareness about HOMOEOPATHY for the 'ignorants and freelancer conjectures'  !!
your support will be highly appreciated and your queries are welcomed :)

Read more - HERE