He ditched me again today. This thought had always escorted itself with a wish. A wish of him abandoning me for ever. But maybe, infact most certainly playing with my feelings was his favourite game, a pass time and an addiction.
I sat on my terrace, watching the infinite sky yet my mind wandered in the vicinity.
'Hi baby! am back' he startled me with his usual tone and pecked my cheeks.
I managed a smile, a bitter one but he realized not. After all I was a mere play board for him.
'the sky looks so beautiful and you are equally gorgeous. So lets dance, c'mon give me your hand'
He notoriously offered his hand to me.
I sat still eyeing the floor as if ignorant to his deceptions and frauds.
The reality was that he couldn't understand what went within me.
Its indeed strange how love, which made you so strong once could turn into your biggest weakness.
And the pain which is suppose to make you weak can provide you strength to endure so much.
I gave him my hand - again.
There had been a time when his slight touch, even his gaze could set my heart racing and blood gushing.
Today, however in spite of us being so close I felt nothing. All emotions eluded me.
He started stroking my hair and gently whispered 'you are the most important part of my life'
I died a little more inside.
Its sad but like happiness, pain isn't infectious.
It never 'spreads out' rather 'seeps deep in' and kills you moment by moment. word by word.
We then sat like a perfect couple. 'baby I cant imagine my world without you'
He once again throw ed his friendly dice.
I died a little more inside.
People may wonder why I said nothing. Some of you may even verdict my act as naive or pity me but I choose to experience it and let the agony kill my love.
Coz harbouring mixed feelings is his trait.
For me its absolute - either perfect love or pure hatred.
Till then I choose to nurture hatred like I once intoxicated your love.
I choose to suffer in silence.
