No 'contacts' pleaseee !!

Disclaimer : A mindless post. You might end up feeling exasperated. So read at your own risk ;)

The day I bought my very first pair of contact lenses on the occasion of my cousins marriage, I felt no less than a Cinderella who has just been dressed up for the grand party by the plump fairy (read ophthalmologist, who was equally plump) !

Having been wearing spectacles from the age of 11, contact lenses did come as a breeze of cool wind in the month of may.

Back home, I 'throned' the box with utmost care in the drawer and waited for the day as much as the bride herself.

Finally, on the day of marriage, I sat eyeing the mirror with my hands clean, nails cut ( like an obedient toddler on the first day as school) and opening my eyes wide began inserting the concave transparent thing.

 But contact lenses aren't that friendly and humble creatures you see.They are stubborn. Very stubborn. In fact calling then merely stubborn will be an understatement. They are unfriendly, irritating, extremely moody and green eyed like your cunning classmate at college.

Once, twice, thrice, I tried and toiled with all my will to make peace only to find myself failing each time, with my eyes watering even more profusely and Alas! like a loose cannon it fell down only to be gobbled up by the white marble floor.

An hour later, I was at the marriage ceremony looking almost a mess and of course with my dear spectacles accompanying me.

That was when I swore never to get into the Cinderella avatar again.

School ended and college began. And in spite of being in a medical college, it was rather astonishing to see absolutely no one wearing the glasses.

But peer pressure got the better of me and here I was again sitting and struggling with this moody irritating fellow ( After all promises and resolutions are meant to be broken).

Even today, we have after days of bitter fights and then spectacles come to my rescue. 

But with practice and patience, I have learned the art of keeping my chin up and tackle the transparent chap with all my tact.

That's what life is all about, after all. isn't it? 

5 - reasons why 'love is a WASTE of time' !!

WARNING : This post has been written as a part of 'feeling good being single' and 'Enlightening the imbecile V-day lovers' brigade. Kindly put down your rosy hued glasses before proceeding. Thank you.

1) Love is Blind - This is an old adage. Obviously,  you are not 'medically blind' and hence faking blindness would consume a lot of time. Imagine crossing the road with 'love blinded eyes' or performing your daily chores that way. Hard, isn't it?

2) Waste of money - It is a well known and accepted fact that nothing can burn bigger holes in the pocket than love. Now earning money requires patience, perseverance, perspiration and other P, Q,R ,S , Ts. Even A, B,Cs. but most importantly it requires 'Time'. whether you earn it the right way or left way err I mean wrong way. The need for time can't be denied. hence, waste of money = waste of time.

3) Love never dies - Usually things rot , iron rusts, seasons fade and we stomach certain painful feelings and morons in the hope that someday their absence would make the world a better place again.But, love is immortal according to popular beliefs. So once hitched, no 'bitches' or 'witches' can get you off it.
Did you say give it time? I'd say you are wasting your time.sigh.

4) Let the reason NOT be love - The love element relinquishes no movies/song/book. Most of them start with a jilt and end up in happily ever after scenario or at times vice versa.
Imagine, if all those lecherous/melancholic/soppy/fantasy scenes would be cropped or let me say 'expunged' (yeah, they deserve it!). A 3 hours movie would last for 3 min or maybe a few seconds?
And how about those 968 page book? of course, mills and boons will get extinct all together.
can you now calculate the time you are saving? good!

5) Ultimate troublemaker - complications, misunderstandings , maladjustments, jealousy, expectations come so handy with love. And since you are already blind, untangling the threads is quite a task. Decrypting those codes is deadly waste of time coz no matter how much you sharpen your troubleshooting skills, this maniac file cant be handled.

I hope it was convincing. Coz if this isn't I have another 10 reasons coming up on 'how love murders logic and wisdom' :P

A letter to my Physiology book!

Dear Physiology book,

Its exam time again and you of all people are in the most cheerful of spirits seeing me shower unadulterated attention on you. What care you of my 'necrotic' spirit? Unabashedly grinning and 'expanding' each day.

Now don't make that innocent face and blame anatomy for it, you are no less! An equal partner in crime, horrendously murdering my pink winter days with your glands and hormones. Were you so interested in copying (coz I know originality isn't your forte baby) who had stopped you from burrowing the lyrics of latest 'kolaveri di'? At least we poor student would have managed to pass in glee!

But no, you talkative fellow! Explaining every minute thing in such huge paras to give even Shakespeare a complex.

Had the poor fellow been alive, he would have definitely remarked on your actions like 'Bill Gates did on Steve job's'!

If anatomy is soporific, you are 'somnambolic' and those complicated diagrams send jitters to my nerves and muscles. I curiously wonder how can you boast of containing 'some 500 diagrams' when each of it depresses my heat beat to 60/min and BP to 90/70?

I can bet on my life that pathology got invented only after we students altered our 'own physiology' listening to your crap in exam time!

And your stubbornness, lord God! why do you bother if I let Vitamin. D cause Beri-Beri instead of Rickets? For God's sake its all 'unofficial' on paper work, don't mistake me as a qualified doctor yet!

I know you are a terribly frustrated, no -nonsense person like my own teachers but kindly don't take my mistakes to 'heart' and develop 'angina pectoris' on every single error of mine.

As the world would welcome the new year, I would sit in my room humming 'cardiovascular and central nervous' songs for you but let me tell you this wont last long. So better start packing your bags and accepting me as I accept you.

For this is an eye-for-eye thing, ruin my 'sensations and functions' and I will ruin yours!

And listen, don't forget to take Anatomy with you! 

yours un- 'hormone'-iously 

               ME :-(

The 'pimple prescription' !!!

Its pimples that bring me back to my blog today!

 I know, some of you might be praying that 'Oh God..zap that painful pustule off her face so that we don't have to bear the pain of reading her' while others (those who wish well) would send in a prayer to the heaven to get me rid of this red spot ASAP! either ways..its my benefit ;)

So coming back to the tale! Well, to be very frank I usually pay not much attention to such things as pimples. I am not blessed with a spotless, glowing skin but its normally fine with a pimple or two popping up (just at the time of some party or meet-up). We all know how it is :-/

A few weeks ago however there happened to be an usual and un-welcoming arrival of these pesky spots in dozens. I was a little horrified :O but after a day, that feeling subsided and the optimist and devil may care attitude in me rejuvenated!

Yet all of it is no good when 4 of your friends pester you every 5 minutes to consult a skin specialist just because its not fair that someone like me should have such an out pour of pimples ( I got no clue WHAT is that suppose to mean) :-s

Anyhow they finally convinced me to the clinic and I went on the same day to a famous skin institute in south Delhi area. After paying Rs.200 as consultation fee I sat in the waiting area for like 10minutes before being called in finally.

Me - hi doctor! *told her my problem*

Doc - hmmm...Ye hormonal problem hai you see (Like I or any other person today isn't aware of it)

she then continued - Here get these blood tests done - 1,2,3,4... from a GOOD lab

use this face wash

a tablet

another tablet

a day cream

another day cream (now, how am I suppose to apply 2 day creams on the SAME day? )

a night cream

a shampoo

Plus avoid butter,chocolates,tea,coffee,chips,cold drinks and the list went on!

she wrote her prescription like a shopping list or maybe she was competing with the number of pimples I had on my face. I looked at her utterly confused and swore to NOT return back after 10 days!

And it was only later that I realized the prescription would have costed me around 2000 bucks for 10 days with hardly any relief coz there happens to be 'no miracle cure for pimples' and every sane person knows it! Plus, its not JUST about the money but also that the creams and tabs prescribed work only to suppress the pimples and its only temporary.

After coming back home obviously the sad and useless demise of my 200 bucks was killing me from inside so I decided to use the 'desi totkas'. And as expected, they DID wonders and why wouldn't they? For the creams and gels boast to use extracts of the same 'natural herbs'.
Sounds logical? To me it does!!

Of 'BAI-S' and 'BYES' !!!

As I step into my house after a monotonous yet exhaustive day at college, my mother yells " you kids live in your own fantasy lands/nobody cares as to how the house is running/can't even pick up your own clothes/when I was of your age I took care of the whole house while my mother simply sat in a corner and instructed! Plus a special one specially thrown on me - what will you do in your sasural/get out of the illusion that your mom-in-law will cook for you!"

And the moment my ears vibrate to such a noise I instantly knows that 'our dear maid is on leave today'!!

In today's era when each one of us is so terribly bounded by time which ticks at a lightening speed, interdependency on 'helpers' comes natural. In fact they are our lifelines much the same way as Internet and cell phones. And going by the ever increasing demands our 'bai-s' happen to be one of the most dominating people of our society today. 

At times I seriously wonder if we medicos or engineers or bankers play a role as pivotal as these women clad in suits with a bun do?

And so our dear bai-s come up with their own set of demands and pay packages.

They need a holiday on a Sunday plus an additional off every two weeks never hurts HER (it does ruin my weekend though) when a shopping plan is murdered brutally as my mom drags me verbally to the kitchen!

Last week our bai turned up after a long 4 days holiday(it seems much longer to me for obvious reasons) and on being interrogated told that she had a marriage to attend tomorrow! Imagine being away from work 4 days prior to 'neighbour's marriage'..am sure you can't afford it even in your wildest dreams but she is our Bai. She definitely can!

To top it up the lady wanted a brand new sari, to which my mom agreed almost instantly (poor thing she got no choice) and I was red with rage. c'mon I wore an old sari even for my farewell, now isnt this pure bias?!

Not only this she comes every day to work with a fresh gajra in her bun teemed up with matching earrings and bags. Needless to say she has a cell phone too!

Coming to the resignation rules,our dear bai has none! I mean she can resign any day, any hour and at any instant. For reasons which vary from exceeding workload to bizarre ones of not being offered tea and snacks in the evening!

One of our neighbours maid quit the job because their little 4 year old kid spilled milk on her. I dearly sympathize with him going by the serious trauma that innocent soul would have faced from her mother after this lady left in cold blood.

Well ,enough of sulking now ( but believe me that sari thing really hurt). 

I am seriously planning to do some part time course in 'being-bai' because the future seems to be more secure and lavish with that degree now-a-days. And by the way, when I told my mom about this idea all she had to say was 'beta, today is a Sunday, go wash the utensils' !

P.S : Our maid owns a Nokia N-97! I am NOT exaggerating, I swear!  :P

CUTURAL SHOCK - A new "DISEASE" :P

This post has been written for BLOGESHWAR and Anubhooti.

DISEASE BACKGROUND - Cultural shock has spread like a malaise in our society. Potentially the affects of western society on the eastern culture. People seem to be going gaga on anything which appears to make least sense and presents a sense of 'false' and 'temporary' euphoria. This intense thirst for 'fun' is associated with 'syndrome' that affects those who aren't ready to understand the 'changing times' which refers to absurd intermingling of cultures.

CONSTITUTION - usually affects older generation or people visiting metro cities from rural backgrounds.

SYMPTOMS - a terrible shock almost equal to a minor heart attack, the patient believes the other person is a sinner and atheist ( according to religious views).

May even shout at high pitched voice (in case of females) or recluse ( in case of elderly males). In rare cases, may even mold himself/herself to potential shock Creator! 

CAUSES - It could be classified into various types

TYPE 1 - mainly concerned with 'outfits and sense of dressing'

JEANS - mild shock

CAPRI'S AND SKIRTS - moderate shock

HOT PANTS - severe shock Creator

TYPE 2 - 'language based shock'

words like 'yaar , saale, abey' etc have been 'vaccinated' enough , so do not create distress anymore.

The 'F' and 'S' words have spread like 'epidemics' and NO VACCINATIONS what-so-ever seems to be powerful enough to eradicate them.

TYPE 3 - RELATIONSHIPS 

usually affects the middle aged parents of teenage/ 20 somethings children

there is no particular definition of any relation and confuses the shockers and creators alike.

SAME SEX RELATIONS - responsible for alarming number of patients now a days!

TYPE 4 - MISCELLANEOUS

 includes spending long hours on phones, Internet, extra marital affairs  and MOVIES .

MODALITIES 

AGGRAVATION -  watching movies ( Hollywood and Bollywood) both can create instant aggravation of the problem

AMELIORATION - sitting in your room enchanting versus from holy books may help markedly.

TREATMENT - the only treatment I can suggest is understanding that 'In any clash between the east and the west, those who will suffer most are Eastern with a soul of West'!