Bleeding blades and pleasure...

"The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain."

-Karl Marx

A deep sharp cut and another portion of her arm went numb. The nerves halted their job of sending any signals. It was a pure red blood...she felt alive and yet so dead! tossing the knife away, she loathed the blade and her own existence as much but this dark, red blood rushing through the slit made her forget all...the pain, the agony and emotions which entrapped her unresponsive body. It fell drop by drop on the ground, bestowing a sense of ease, as if the world had come to a stand still in those frozen moments when the blushing vital fluid oozed out of each vein.

Cutting is so easy she thought! closing her eyes tightly,sniffing with a powerful thrust...

another cut and another spell of sensation less satisfaction...this time she purposely stretched it longer and deeper to elevate those divine moments which were momentary but momentous for her survival now.

yes! she did curse herself every morning yet she couldn't afford to lose it.It had bound her, a complete possession...but  a few minutes of freedom was something that catalyzed her entire being...her life!

"a harrowing delight", she murmured to herself mindlessly picking up the blade and clearing the mess around.

then settling herself on the floor, she stared hard on her arms and legs, there were cuts all over...some black others brown..the recent ones pained now, a little blood still seeped through, so many cuts and each told a different tale..a tale of hatred, a tale of madness, a tale of fear, a tale of being lost, but above all it was a tale of un-acceptance. she was conscious of her actions, but cutting was a habit now, an addiction so heavenly and euphoric that even the most agonizing falls didn't subjugate the pleasure. Although she understood that it HAD to be given up, whatever starts HAS to end someday! Sitting on the same stained floor everyday she had resolved to end it all! no more would she succumb to the urge of numbness, no more would she give in to the slavery of shining blades.

 A dozen of failed attempts had only made the situation worst and today she did not plan to get back the same sense of failure. A certain thought lured her, and the intensity of its command shrieked out louder than ever at this hour. 

frailingly she stood up..toppling on her own self and managed to open the windows wide. the moon shone white and stars flickred brightly. a cool and gentle breeze penetrated each turmoil, chilling her spine.

'blessed are those who could be wild and free' she thought and in fickle of the moment  'jumped' . 

It was a free end! A free life ahead! 

Self harm or self injury is a disorder characterized by intentional hurting to oneself. The commonest form being cutting. The ironical part is that people ( usually teenagers) who participate in self-injurious behavior are usually likable, intelligent, and functional. 

What prompted me to write this post was a 'real' story of a girl who had indulged in extreme degree of self harm, fortunately she asked for help and her situation could be rectified. But not everyone is as lucky as her. The victims generally choose to suffer in silence for the sake of unexplained pleasure and more so coz they are afraid to ask for help! self mutilation is increasing at an alarming rate due to increased stress levels, What is required of us is self-control and vigilance to look around people with such suicidal tendencies, they are in dire need of help! our help!


and finally something that touched me beyond words :


'It was raw and bright. I was mesmerized by how my skin was changing color. I closed my eyes and imagined the cells pulling together to form a tight pink barrier. I felt like I could leave the world by diving into this wound'. –Abby Sher, “Cutting Made Me Forget My Eating Disorder”