THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT WRITING A 55-ER. Suggestions are heartily welcomed :)
She trudged through the streets. Shivering, in thin,tattered clothes.
yet winds mercilessly smacked her translucent attire, poking every nerve.
They weren't enough to fight those winds, but she bravely walked ahead to generate little warmth.
suddenly, she saw clothes hung outside a house.
Her mind stopped, waiting for a resolution- to surrender or steal!
Winters in Northern India continue to grow severe, with mercury dipping below the tolerant levels each day.
Often, sitting cosily in our homes we fail to realize how blessed we are and at the same time the plight of those shivering on the streets, many of who succumb to the chills every year.
The sole purpose of this 55-er is to stir in our conscience and generate compassion for those underprivileged souls. God protect us all.
Aww...Good one Sarah
ReplyDeleteSo true...I am counting on my blessings. Sure, have taken a moment to think about the needy who are not as priveleged as I am.
Well done.
Hey, Hi
ReplyDeleteWell, a good thought...The underprivileged...a very nice portrayal in your lines...the fight between necessity and conscience...
Nicely done...
Regards,
The Silhouette...
Needless to say its a good attempt! writing 55ers is amazing, coz it teaches to express more in less words :)
ReplyDeleteI too write them
Excellent 55er.
ReplyDeleteI'm visiting from Best Posts of the Week.
Looking back through your posts, your poetry is rather good. I especially like 'She sees it all...' Very nice blog.
ReplyDeletealways happy- hey! u made me happy by ur comment, i guess u pondered over ur blessings and thnked God...the purpose of my post is solved :) good
ReplyDeleteday!
the silhouette- i do rem u :) glad to c u in blogging world and thnx :)
delhizen -hie! so happy that u liked it. indeed, 55ers r great to read and write :D
Eva - welcome to d blog dear! grateful for ur appreciation and comment :)
ReplyDeleteclipped wings - thnks for reviewing my blog :) i m still a naive, will try my best to improve my writing skills. thnks for visitng :)
Nice attempt, if this was your first time. Just a suggestion; try adding a punch towards the end, which was missing here, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, this post could be related to an individual's feeling too towards love or rather broken love?
I loved the message you have passed through the 55'er. wonderful attempt.
ReplyDeleteFrankly speaking I dont know what a 55-er means but I do know that I Loved every word of it!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many times when we cant stop cribbing about simple things instead of thanking God for all the goods He has done to us in life...
Your post provides much food for thought.. Keep it up Sarah:-)
sourav - I did try to give a shocking ending by keeping the choice between her conscience and morals open...would try to make it more prominent the next time on :)
ReplyDeleteas for the 2nd thing- it might be but only until we reach the last 2 lines i suppose!
ehow, thnks for such a close read and suggestions..am glad :D
rajlakshmi - hey welcome! thnks for ur comment
Arti - hey! maybe next time i would post a link as to what it means :) and i loved ur compliment,means a lot. thnks for visiting dear!
I loved this one...you gave a good and worthy message quite subtly and I like that.
ReplyDeleteNice one!
Take Care,
Fatima
P.S: If, you wish you could even visit my blog
http://www.duskndawn-fatima.blogspot.com/
Liked it, yes it is so as you have written, not all are blessed with the little necessities.
ReplyDelete@ fatima - so glad u liked it :)
ReplyDelete@ AS - true..and we need to understand the needs of those less privileged than us..thnks for commenting :)